To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

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I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

It used to be a thing in some parts of the North West, but it mainly died out. Liverpool especially. There are very few people who actually do this now, and the ones who do are usually families with mothers exactly like OP; heavily invested in looks over sense, usually with a face stuffed with fillers and draped in designer clothing while their bank accounts scream and strain under the weight of it.

It's not a city wide thing (though people like the OP will think otherwise as their worlds are very small), it's a very specific kind of person thing.

It used to be the done thing to buy a fresh Christmas Day outfit as it might have been the only time of year the family could afford it, and that outfit would be Sunday Best for the rest of the year. That's not the case anymore, so sensible people don't do this. I'm from the North West, have family in Liverpool and lived there for a bit on and off - not a single person I know does it anymore.

exited wrong thread

Ignoring the rights and wrongs of parents or kids deciding what they wear/how they look on Xmas day I see you have two choices.
1 - make her wear her hair down and you will have a sulky 6 year old all day. It will certainly spoil her Xmas and no doubt everybody else’s as you’ll likely have to keep cajoling her to cheer up and join in.
2 - let her wear her hair up and you’ll have a happy excited 6 year old and you’ll all mo doubt have a much better time.

although I see your point about kids needing to learn dress codes ect I do think 6 years a a bit young to enforce it to this level and by the sounds of things the outfit she has chosen is perfectly fine for a slightly dressy Xmas. I don’t think a smart hair up would violate any dress codes

God she's 6. She doesnt know what grateful means. Let her wear her hair up.

Urg I'm getting flashbacks reading your OP. You sound like my mother was when I was growing up. I hated having to wear my hair down, it got in the way all the time. The endless comments about my hair were tiresome too. It felt like people only ever saw what was on my head and never saw me iyswIm. Reign in the comments otherwise your DD may do what I did the 1st time I went to a hairdressers on my own. Instead of coming home with a "neat trim", I turned up with a pixie cut....I was 14.

So ypu want your DD to have her hair down but upset/grumpy so you feel like she's made an effort.
Or you can continue to let her decide her hairstyle and everyone enjoy the day.

You've given her autonomy over her body and hair, but then want to pull that away because you've set unrealistic pressures for Christmas. What are you teaching her now?

Also, stop putting unnecessary pressures about Christmas on you and your family. You are causing yourself so much stress, it isn't really about the hair, it's actually about how others will perceive your family when you all go out! Relax, enjoy the few christmasses we get with out kids while they are young.

Christmas is about spending time as a family and enjoying each other. Not about how we look.

My mum made me dress her way until I was about 16. I have parented my daughter completely differently.

I do wonder if you would be like this about a son.

What's your problem?leave her be

Leave her be. Enjoy spending time with her and having fun. They grow up incredibly fast.

You've basically described my niece who has long thick red gold hair. She will only wear tracksuits and ponytails; it makes me feel really sad to imagine us ever forcing her to be any different. She is proud of her style choices.
The only way YANBU here is if you said your daughter was insisting on having a dangerous hairstyle (ie. long and loose whilst working machinery).

DD insisted on wearing harem pants as a bridesmaid. Wouldn’t even consider wearing a dress.

OP You are wanting people to see your DDs hair. Is DD comfortable with compliments for people?

My mother would march me round events like weddings as if I was a toy or a cute puppy.

I hated it. I still hate being the centre of attention.

I cannot fathom a 6 year old having a designer tracksuit or buying new outfits for boxing day if you're struggling for money, sounds all very 'keeping up with the jones'.
In terms of your daughter though, I'd stop sending her the message that the most important thing about her is how she looks.

A designer tracksuit with shoulder pads? This sounds like something from a 1980s fashion section in Womans Own magazine! I can't shift the visions of a Kevin and Sharon sticker along the top of the car windscreen atm lol.

She's 6, just tell her to go and get dressed, enthusiastically exclaim awww, beautiful to what ever she puts on and then ask if she wants her hair up or down, "quick Petunia as we need to go out and have fun", just before leaving the house. Most people don't have time on or in the lead up to Christmas day to put any more thought into it than that let alone have long discussions about it with a 6 year old who probably still thinks Santa managed to somehow get into the house via the key hole because they live in a new build without a chimney. Choose your battles, it will only get worse, much much worse if this is how it is now when they're a teenager so battling about minor non issues about hair is pointless.

Take a chill pill and focus on fun things, hair, clothes and wonky tiaras are non issues, playing with toys, eating stocking chocolates and pulling crackers are generally all kids care about at Christmas! The other stress being inflicted on them are adult issues they shouldn't need to know about

Just to add, I actually have a feeling that you find Christmas stressful in general and are projecting that stress onto your daughters minor, perfectly reasonable wishes about her hair especially when having it up will stop it dipping into the gravy and trifle anyway. Her hair style and having to wear a Grandma style tapered leg tracksuit, aren't the issue here.

This is exactly what jumps out at me! Let her dress how she likes.

Thank goodness someone has common sense. I am stunned by what I am reading. Imo she sound like a spoilt little madam who thinks she is making the decisions and ruling the roost. At 6, she is not buying her clothes, you are, OP. You buy her clothes and tell her what she is wearing and that's it. Never have I heard of a 6 year old choosing their own clothes. How precocious. Tell her she wears what she is given and that's it and that's final. However I wouldn't worry about her hair.

Sorry but you are being completely unreasonable. Let her wear whatever she wants, as long as it’s clean. She’s not a doll to be dressed up as you want.
And if your finances are tight why on earth are you buying special clothes for Christmas and New Year?

N/M

Yes, it's called being a parent. OP is the one who buys the clothes, not the 6 year old child. OP decides.

Would you like someone telling you how to wear your hair ?
Also , the wedding, I’d let her off.
She will learn about dress codes , she may choose not to go to a place where they require a particular dress code if she feels uncomfortable.

I still buy my 14 year old’s clothes, because she doesn’t have a job. Do you think that means she shouldn’t have a say in what she wears?

Even planning before the day how you're going to dress a six year old is mad. New clothes are "non negotiable"?! And who, exactly, are you negotiating with? It sounds like you put most of the supposed pressure of Christmas on yourself. She's a small child, not a doll. Just let it all go.

A little girl in a ponytail sounds perfect.

Whatever style of clothes or hair that is forced on an unwilling child will result in them doing the exact opposite later. I would have thought that was obvious.

When I was at primary all my friends had fringes and long loose hair. I had to have a ponytail with the hair pulled back off my forehead because ‘fringes didn’t suit me’ according to my mum (she wasn’t actually controlling in other ways though).

Guess what I got on my first ever visit to a hairdresser? Yep, loose hair and a nice fringe. I felt beautiful.

OP leave your daughter’s preferences alone!