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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
Pigeonpoodle · 24/12/2025 13:30

I put YANBU by mistake.

I’m afraid you sound like hard work…Try and unclench and relax a bit rather than treating your daughter like a doll.

Power26 · 24/12/2025 13:46

Your kids aren’t Barbie dolls to dress up. You literally said you want her hair down for the sake of photos, that’s crazy.

Ketzele · 24/12/2025 15:26

I always wanted curly hair, and mine is straight as a plank. I was delighted when I had two curly girls, now in their late teens. One straightens her hair daily, and the other (who has a fantastic natural afro) wears wigs. So I feel your pain OP! However, they are not dolls or extensions of us, so I've kept shtum. I really hope one day they will go natural, but reckon if I tried to enforce that they would rebel for the rest of their lives.

Paganpentacle · 24/12/2025 15:54

This is only stressful because you’ve made it so.

momager1 · 24/12/2025 16:37

have not read the whole thread , but have read all of yours @Namechangesecretsignature . You are being unreasonable. She is not your fashion accessory, If she is clean and in clothes that are clean, and happy, well then you have done your job. Do not make it about what your daughter (or sons for others) looks like, that way lies madness. Children should be comfortable in their own skin, not trying to look GOOD for anyone. Like I said..clean child, clean clothes, that is ALL that is required. Don't set her up for a lifetime of trying to look good for others!

stichguru · 24/12/2025 16:52

Who's hair is it?
Who's clothes are they?

That's the only person who needs a say. Unless it's like "wear your school uniform" or "don't wear just shorts and t-shirt in December"

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 24/12/2025 22:37

billiongulls · 23/12/2025 23:13

I'm Irish, and while yes, new clothes for Christmas was a thing when I was young (40 years ago) I don't see the obsession with styling her child as Irish in any way. It strikes me as a social media/influencer thing.

I was thinking traveller or scouser

As someone living in a liverpool overspill town, a lot of the scouser mums and even their little girls really go to town on dolling up. Same for the gypsy/traveller girls

billiongulls · 24/12/2025 22:44

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 24/12/2025 22:37

I was thinking traveller or scouser

As someone living in a liverpool overspill town, a lot of the scouser mums and even their little girls really go to town on dolling up. Same for the gypsy/traveller girls

That would make me sense to me than Irish

GooseberryGreen · 25/12/2025 02:12

My parents were both Irish and I have never even heard of this tradition. Certainly they didn't practise it.

CrazyGoatLady · 25/12/2025 13:13

GooseberryGreen · 25/12/2025 02:12

My parents were both Irish and I have never even heard of this tradition. Certainly they didn't practise it.

My dad is Irish, also not a thing in our family. And he was mostly brought up in Liverpool too.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 25/12/2025 13:17

I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

"I'd love to dress her" - she's not a bloody dolly! 🙄
She's also not you. She's her own person with her own tastes. Leave her be for goodness sake, it's her hair and body.

Clychaugog · 25/12/2025 13:44

She's a small human child, not a doll

nutbrownhare15 · 25/12/2025 13:59

Massively unreasonable. Let her be.

Skybluepinky · 25/12/2025 17:37

You sound so petty, you have caused her to behave in that way and retaliate like a 2 year old! Book some parenting lessons as soon as possible as when she becomes a teenager you won’t be able to cope.

MossAndLeaves · 29/12/2025 17:37

My eldest was like this from about 3-11. Complete tomboy, hair always tied back, always blue tops, dark shades of jumpers or hoodies (often from the boys section) and jeans - wouldn't ever wear leggings or joggers.
Shes now 14 and won't go near a dress or skirt still, but wears stylish girls clothes, lots of makeup (actually a bit too much for my preference, but again her choice!) Styles her hair better than I do, and loves jewellery and perfume.

Let them find their own style, it doesnt matter what it is, all that matters is that you compliment them and build their self esteem at each stage.

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