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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

702 replies

Countrybumpkin19 · 23/12/2025 18:53

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

OP posts:
fiorentina · 23/12/2025 18:56

Her expectation to arrive at 6am is entirely unreasonable. If she was staying the night it’s slightly different, but there’s no need. Do all your kids presents go in their stocking? We used to have smaller Father Xmas gifts in stockings opened first and other presents later when guests may have arrived. Depends on your tradition? Would she get to see any present opening at 9am?

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 23/12/2025 18:57

Yanbu at all, in fact, 9am would be a no go from me as well so you're being very reasonable.

Tell her you'll send her a video of some of the stocking unwrapping, and tell your husband if he wants to be with his mum at 6am he can go round to hers instead.

SweetHydrangea · 23/12/2025 18:57

Absolutely not being unreasonable. 6am fml!!! In what mind does she or anyone else think that’s an acceptable time to come round someone’s house. The only time I’ve had visitors that early is when I was in labour and my parents came to look after my oldest! Tell her and your husband to get over it and keep your foot firmly on the floor!

SpicyTool75 · 23/12/2025 18:59

Absolutely not BU. Tell them to piss off

SpicyTool75 · 23/12/2025 18:59

Absolutely not BU. Tell them to piss off

Tigerbalmshark · 23/12/2025 19:00

I’ll still be in bed at 6am, as would DS. It’s the middle of the fucking night. I wouldn’t be letting anybody in until 9am.

LemonLeaves · 23/12/2025 19:00

YANBU. Suspect your H is being a wet lettuce because he doesn't want to stand up to his mother. I'd be asking him why he feels it's better to upset you, and why he thinks it's better that you all tiptoe round his Mum, who is being really unreasonable. It's pretty bloody rude to pitch up on the doorstep at stupid o'clock. I'd give him a choice - she comes at 9am or she can stay at home full stop.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2025 19:00

Did you discuss it with DH before sending the message? If not you’ve let her paint you as mean and he’ll have been caught off guard by her victim shtick.

You’re completely reasonable to say no to 6am, I’ve got young children and no one’s up that early here, but you know what she’s like and it would have gone better if the message had come from him.

Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 19:01

I’m going to presume the 7% of those who voted YABU are MIL’s.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2025 19:01

Tigerbalmshark · 23/12/2025 19:00

I’ll still be in bed at 6am, as would DS. It’s the middle of the fucking night. I wouldn’t be letting anybody in until 9am.

Exactly. Surely once the kids are no longer toddlers this isn’t a thing anyway?

Shudder to think of a Xmas that begins at 6 am!

MissMoneyFairy · 23/12/2025 19:02

Whatever you do will be wrong, your dh is as much to blame as mil, let him entertain her till you get up, don't open the stockings until you're all ready.

Spudthespanner · 23/12/2025 19:03

Mine wouldn’t even get over my threshold on Christmas Day, but then I just marvel at what other people put up with from relatives at Christmas time.

Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 19:03

And also YANBU. 0600 on Christmas Day? WTF!

HelplessSoul · 23/12/2025 19:03

Why pussyfoot around the issue?

Tell her to fuck off and that she aint welcome at 6am.

Unfuckingreasonable to rock up at that time. Her loneliness is not your problem OP.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 23/12/2025 19:03

9am is still hugely unreasonable.

12pm earliest. She’s had her time of small people and stockings. It’s your turn now.

ChronicallyMum · 23/12/2025 19:04

Is not opening the door an option? Let her stand outside until everyone is up and comfortable.

Topseyt123 · 23/12/2025 19:04

My Grandma lived very near to us when I was growing up. She only got to see us open our presents every Christmas morning because she came to stay at our house on Christmas Eve, so was already there and got up with us. She'd stay until Boxing Day afternoon.

My parents would never have entertained the idea of collecting her before 6am on Christmas Day!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It surely just means keeping a few presents back after the initial 6am (or earlier!!) frenzy from the children which can be opened when MIL arrives at 9am. It really shouldn't be an issue at all.

winewolfhowls · 23/12/2025 19:04

Ask your husband if his gran used to turn up at that time!

NewforChristmas · 23/12/2025 19:06

Yeah 6am is mad

Spartak · 23/12/2025 19:06

Do you have space for her to stay the night before? I've woken up in an empty house on Christmas day and not seen another human until 2pm and it's pretty lonely. She could help peel potatoes in the morning too.

mynameiscalypso · 23/12/2025 19:06

She, presumably, got to see her own children/children open their stockings. Now it’s your turn. (But also, there’s no way I’m getting up at 6am on Christmas Day full stop)

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 23/12/2025 19:06

Spartak · 23/12/2025 19:06

Do you have space for her to stay the night before? I've woken up in an empty house on Christmas day and not seen another human until 2pm and it's pretty lonely. She could help peel potatoes in the morning too.

So reward her behaviour, you mean?

Hufflemuff · 23/12/2025 19:07

Its a very special time - unfortunately her time for that has passed now that her children are adults. It doesn’t give her the right to insist on turning up to encroach on your families special time.

Does she take her own presents from her round for them to open? The only thing I dont like is when you give people's kids a present on Christmas Eve or something and they make them open it on Christmas day under the tree. I like to see the kids open it personally.

Friendlylocal · 23/12/2025 19:07

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 23/12/2025 19:08

While I agree with those saying 9am is very generous, I think you were a bit out of order sending the message to her without speaking to your DH. I’d go nuts if a partner texted my mum to say she’s not welcome until a set time. That’s a conversation I should be having if it is needed.