MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

she should come later but also you are being precious about the stockings.

6am is insane to arrive anywhere but the airport or the hospital

Wtf, the opening of stockings and presents first thing is for the parents and children of that family unit. Mil had her time when her children were little. 6am is ridiculous. She's being entitled and your DH is being wet by choosing his mother's wishes over yours.

This ^

your husband needs to back you up better.

Invited her to stay Christmas Eve !! Problem solved !

No, to ensure a loved family member isn't lonely when she doesn't need to be.

And to reduce the likelihood of being woken up at 6am.

I think yabu to text your MIL without discussing with your DH first. I understand the issue with 6am, but presumably he thinks it is ok. You needed to discuss at home first.

You are totally right that 6am is unreasonable.
You were wrong to send the message. I am married nearly 25 years and I have never actually had a row with any in law. Anything to be said to his family is done by husband. Anything to be said to mine is done by me. Your husband should have told her no.

Someone who insists on intruding into your little unit at 6am would not be a loved member to me. It’s invasive and controlling and massively manipulative to try to turn into an emotional drama when you’re asked kindly to wait until 9am.

She’s had her time of very young people. She should afford her son and DIL the same.

I’m with you op. Jeez 6am? No way. And I bloody loved my MIL. Unfortunately I know it’s a cliche but it’s not the MIL, you have a DH problem. He’s being a dick.

Tell him when he does his equal share of the cooking and hosting (and why doesn’t he?) he can have an equal say on 6am visitors.

Well you are staying in bed until 9am.

Your DH can get up without you and deal with her on his own if he wants her to come at 6am. Quietly. So they don't disturb you.

6am is quite early. I'd probably invite her to stay the night before so that she can join in with the opening of these stockings. What time are yous normally up ? We use to be up at the crack of dawn. I don't understand how these stockings work so am unsure of the rules around them.

No bloody chance, she’s massively unreasonable! We’re all still in bed at 6am, get up around 7:30 then it’s breakfast before presents. We always tell family not to arrive before 10am and they are all fine with that.

This is such a ridiculous attitude. “Your little unit” 🤢

Good grief, that's insane!

Tell your dope of a husband and his mother to cop on...

I love your fury 😂 i agree i never let mine up early, or anybody in.

Op you are going to have to say something why haven't you said anything to anybody abour this madness?

To be honest, I’d invite anyone, except the people who invite themselves, especially those who cry when they don’t get their way. That behaviour gets a wide berth. So yes, I’ll use the unit excuse then.

And what about OPs feelings?

Tell her to arrive at 4 AM and make herself useful.

I think a visitor arriving at 6am is not on unless everyone is guaranteed to be up.
But i also think you are being unreasonable to say that opening presents is intimate. Lots of people have house guests for Christmas and grandparents are there for opening stockings etc.

I think it’s fine to decide no stockings until 9 though unless they’re tinies.

Seems like a compromise to me

She's presumably loved by her son though.

It's just a bit rubbish being alone for Christmas morning. I suppose it all depends on perspective though. I have very fond memories of my lovely Grandpa staying over on Christmas Eve after my Nan had died. We also used to visit my Dad's stepmum on Christmas Day when she was alone - she was invited but didn't like to leave her dog. They were all part of our "unit".

I'm not a MIL ,just dont see the harm
MIL lives alone maybe she's lonely especially at Xmas time and this brings her joy ,,aslong as there isn't a big backstory id be ok with it .

She’s been told she can come at 9am. That’s still Christmas morning.

I’m not going to be seeing anyone till about 1 pm this Christmas and actively looking forward to that!!