MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

Well I'm a MIL and no way in a million years would I think this is ok, in fact I struggle to see in who's world this is ok, Certainly not mine. Me and DH dont even speak to eachother until we have had our first 2 cups of coffee never mind entertaining visitors, family or not

Pereniallyannoyed
I’m going to presume the 7% of those who voted YABU are MIL’s
No, I’m a mum who would love her mum to be there for more family moments like this. I would personally have asked her to stay the night before but you don’t want her there for the presents so yes just get your dh on board!!

Fuck that shit! I would be really petty and get the kids up at 4.30 am and let them open all of their presents before 6.00am.

Your husband sounds pathetic and need to choose his nuclear family over his mum on this.

I’d also down tools and tell DH he’s cooking and entertaining as you’ve been up so early with the kids you need a lie down. The I would pop off to bed with a Baileys until dinner is cooked.

6am is utterly ridiculous. 9am would be pushing it for me, but it’s at least an improvement on 6! I wouldn’t expect guests to
arrive until drinks are served prior to lunch. You have been very tolerant up until now op.

Think yourself lucky. My Mil wants to arrive at ours a week before Christmas and leave a week after.

Oh god, what did I just read? Your MiL is being entirely unreasonable and I can’t believe you’ve put up with it for the last two years.

I can, however, understand if your DH is upset if you texted his mother on something like this and m didn’t talk to him about it first. You have to be on the same page and it should come from him, as her son. Otherwise, he’s just been blindsided by you.

If you did discuss it with him, though, then he’s just being a wet lettuce, caving after getting chewed out by mommy.

Your MIL and your H are taking the piss. I don't want to see anyone at 6 am not even my kids. I actually think 9 is too early for guests. My folks came last year for Christmas morning at 10 am.

Me too. I’m laughing at the idea of anyone even rocking up at my door at 9am never mind 6!

She's deranged!

None of my kid has EVER been up at 6am on Christmas day 😂(we do have late nights in the days before Christmas and always a gathering on Christmas Eve)

I would do the stockings at midnight and then put the kids to bed after, if my DH was too wet to tell his own mum to fuck off and show some manners!

Why does she even needs to be around for the stockings?

Even my toddlers don't wake until 8am in the winter 😆👌
Last year (when aged 18m and almost 4) I woke them up at 820am Christmas day!

Your DH needs to cut the apron strings

Fine to ask her to arrive later.

But "intimate family time" - please. Ridiculously precious.

Love our daughter, her husband and, obviously, our grandchild.

They know that we don’t do 6am.

I think 9am is generous! Reasonable for MIL to want to see the children whatever is from her - but that could be after lunch!!
It is utterly thoughtless and inconsiderate to expect you to be up to receiving visitors so early. Am sure you’re the one who has made most of the effort for Christmas prep and so it is definitely your call.
If DH wants to see his Mum at 6am,he can go to her house !!

Could she not stay over night? If this is a lovely and actively involved grandparent I think she's actually being really lovely to want to be there. I'm assuming she's on her own too which is a shame. Honestly, unless there's a back story I think you're being a bit unkind.I think you could definitely compromise with having her there for main present opening.

What is 6.00a.m.? Never heard of it!
She’s a guest, you’re the host. You decide.
Your house, your rules.
Keep a few presents back and open them with her.
if she sulks, let her.

Isn't 9am a compromise?

someone rocking up at 6am cannot not ever be a lovely and actively involved anything 😂

We don't need to know anything else to guess she's a MIL from hell.

You don't even call people at 6am unless someone is being rushed to A&E. On which planet would you tolerate that kind of behaviour?

The OP is more patient and kind than most of us 😂

My mum moved a couple of houses away 1.5 years ago and lives on her own. Last Christmas I was worried about her being on her own but didn't know what time to invite her as I didn't want to have to get up earlier than necessary (DD then aged 6 is not a morning person and generally doesn't get up until about 7.30 or 8 even for Christmas). I suggested that she stay the night before but she likes her own bed and was horrified by that. So last year and this year I will go round in my pyjamas as soon as DD is up and fet h her and she can do presents and bacon butties with us before she goes home for a rest. DD is absolutely fine about waiting until Nanna is there to open anything as she doesn't have to wait long. That way we aren't leaving someone on their own on Christmas morning and nobody has to get up extra early. I am utterly adamant though that I will be bleary eyes, in PJ's and caning coffee. No judgement allowed.

6am is insane and even 9am is pushing it, in my view

Fuck 9am, it's Christmas! Most people are barely out of bed, haven't had a shower and got ready, even with babies and toddlers.

Invite whoever at whatever time YOU like, but inviting yourself before 11am is bloody rude - 10am at an absolute push.

Reminds me of the year my slightly bonkers late MIL called my DH at 6am Xmas morning to see if we were up (we weren't!) and when he answered the phone (worried) proceeded to drive round the corner and let herself in the house. She lived over an hours drive away at the time as well! She just sat in the living room with a coffee until the kids got up (they were probably too small to even be excited be xmas!). She also wanted to see the kids open presents. The following year we invited her to stay instead (and had to prise her out of bed at 9am as the kids couldn't wait any longer for their presents!). To be fair she lived with us for a while (uninvited!) and I definitely never felt the need to 'host' or prepare for her arrival. Fond memories! I don't think you are being unreasonable but if there's an easy way to accommodate her seeing the kids open presents (at 9am) it probably means a lot to her.

It was too far for me to get to where my family were. I don't make friends easily, and hadn't been there all that long.

One year I bumped into an acquaintance in the local Chinese on Christmas Eve. He very kindly arranged for me to go for lunch at a friend of his - lovely lady who had all kinds of single, lonely people over. It ended up being a nice day. Was still lonely in the morning though.

Another year, I was by myself other than when I popped to the local pub.

I wouldn't even let the King in at 6am, let alone my MIL. And she is lovely.

aww one day she won’t be here and you will miss the 6am starts - bet your kids like having her there