Page 28 | MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

Countrybumpkin19 · 2025-12-23T18:53:54+00:00

My MIL lives on her own and close by. The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this. This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 26/12/2025 12:28

I hope OP had a lovely Christmas Day, also her MIL, and all Mumsnetters. We got the call at 7.15am to say the girls were awake and we could go over at 8am after son & DIL had showered and dressed. They have a stair gate on the landing so the girls couldn't sneak downstairs. The four of us (me, husband, mum & other son) quickly showered, dressed and drove the short distance to their house, DIL and son were holding the girls up the front bedroom window excited to see us arrive. It was absolutely brilliant to witness our 2 and 4 year old granddaughters open the lounge door to find all their presents around the tree, totally magical. We all sat round enjoying the excitement of seeing two little girls amazed that Father Christmas had brought everything they'd asked for, and that he thought they'd been good enough for him to stop by their house after all!! We all had a lovely day, lunch was delicious and we left at 4.30pm. My DIL is a lovely girl, we have a special relationship, she loves spending time with us, they're coming to our house today for cold turkey, bubble & squeak, mashed potato and pickles (leftovers from yesterday!!) and I can't wait. Have a great Boxing Day everyone, and to the OP, I hope your MIL waited to be invited round yesterday, I wouldn't dream of just turning up, never have, never would, you have to make your feelings known about that, she might not know how it upsets you, especially if it causes tension between you and your husband. As a MIL, I wouldn't do anything to upset my son and DIL. Their happiness is my priority, not just at Christmas, but all through the year. Cheers 🥂

Needspaceforlego · 26/12/2025 13:28

I don't know any family who gets showered and dressed before presents. But theres a heck of a lot of weird folk out there.
Family matching pjs are a thing for a reason!

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 26/12/2025 19:01

Just because we don't sit around in nightclothes (I'd never wear PJs, nighties for me, husband sleeps in boxers, as does son) it doesn't make us weird, in fact we're very normal. It makes perfect sense to wash, clean teeth, quick shower, get dressed before anything, everything else follows without disappearing to do it later. Just because it's a different routine to yours, it doesn't mean we're weird. I'd feel weird sitting around in matching PJs, it's not for us.

NearlyMonday · 26/12/2025 20:08

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 26/12/2025 12:28

I hope OP had a lovely Christmas Day, also her MIL, and all Mumsnetters. We got the call at 7.15am to say the girls were awake and we could go over at 8am after son & DIL had showered and dressed. They have a stair gate on the landing so the girls couldn't sneak downstairs. The four of us (me, husband, mum & other son) quickly showered, dressed and drove the short distance to their house, DIL and son were holding the girls up the front bedroom window excited to see us arrive. It was absolutely brilliant to witness our 2 and 4 year old granddaughters open the lounge door to find all their presents around the tree, totally magical. We all sat round enjoying the excitement of seeing two little girls amazed that Father Christmas had brought everything they'd asked for, and that he thought they'd been good enough for him to stop by their house after all!! We all had a lovely day, lunch was delicious and we left at 4.30pm. My DIL is a lovely girl, we have a special relationship, she loves spending time with us, they're coming to our house today for cold turkey, bubble & squeak, mashed potato and pickles (leftovers from yesterday!!) and I can't wait. Have a great Boxing Day everyone, and to the OP, I hope your MIL waited to be invited round yesterday, I wouldn't dream of just turning up, never have, never would, you have to make your feelings known about that, she might not know how it upsets you, especially if it causes tension between you and your husband. As a MIL, I wouldn't do anything to upset my son and DIL. Their happiness is my priority, not just at Christmas, but all through the year. Cheers 🥂

This does sound a little far fetched …

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 26/12/2025 20:31

🤷

BandedSnail · 26/12/2025 21:30

NearlyMonday · 26/12/2025 20:08

This does sound a little far fetched …

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And extremely smug.

blueumbrella2016 · 26/12/2025 22:28

Needspaceforlego · 26/12/2025 13:28

I don't know any family who gets showered and dressed before presents. But theres a heck of a lot of weird folk out there.
Family matching pjs are a thing for a reason!

I am grown now but as a child in the 80s/90s/00s the rule was we were not allowed in the living room to get what Father Christmas had left for us or to open presents from family until everyone including adults had gotten washed and dressed and eaten breakfast. My parents also made us leave a couple of presents unopened til after lunch too. One year they even made us leave one til New Year's day!

I actually think it is better to do it slowly so it is not all over so quickly.

blueumbrella2016 · 26/12/2025 22:32

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 26/12/2025 12:28

I hope OP had a lovely Christmas Day, also her MIL, and all Mumsnetters. We got the call at 7.15am to say the girls were awake and we could go over at 8am after son & DIL had showered and dressed. They have a stair gate on the landing so the girls couldn't sneak downstairs. The four of us (me, husband, mum & other son) quickly showered, dressed and drove the short distance to their house, DIL and son were holding the girls up the front bedroom window excited to see us arrive. It was absolutely brilliant to witness our 2 and 4 year old granddaughters open the lounge door to find all their presents around the tree, totally magical. We all sat round enjoying the excitement of seeing two little girls amazed that Father Christmas had brought everything they'd asked for, and that he thought they'd been good enough for him to stop by their house after all!! We all had a lovely day, lunch was delicious and we left at 4.30pm. My DIL is a lovely girl, we have a special relationship, she loves spending time with us, they're coming to our house today for cold turkey, bubble & squeak, mashed potato and pickles (leftovers from yesterday!!) and I can't wait. Have a great Boxing Day everyone, and to the OP, I hope your MIL waited to be invited round yesterday, I wouldn't dream of just turning up, never have, never would, you have to make your feelings known about that, she might not know how it upsets you, especially if it causes tension between you and your husband. As a MIL, I wouldn't do anything to upset my son and DIL. Their happiness is my priority, not just at Christmas, but all through the year. Cheers 🥂

What are you going to say when the kids are older and ask why you pretended about the presents from Father Christmas that were actually from you? When my Nana gave me presents she just said it was from her. How will they trust anything else you say once they realise the deception?

Dontyoulooktired · 27/12/2025 00:15

blueumbrella2016 · 26/12/2025 22:32

What are you going to say when the kids are older and ask why you pretended about the presents from Father Christmas that were actually from you? When my Nana gave me presents she just said it was from her. How will they trust anything else you say once they realise the deception?

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Oh christ, you do realise it’s not that deep?

We did the whole Santa thing. My now 23 year old isn’t in therapy over it. Nor am I from when I was a kid.

You get older, relaise Santa isn’t real and it just sort of stops. I also have an 11 year old and a 5 year old. 11 year old has already worked out Santa isn’t real but still plays along. 5 year old be lives in Santa.

It doesn’t have to be some big betrayal. They get older and see it for what it was - a family who loved them and wanted to create a bit of magic for them. Then they do it for their own children.

There is no need for such drama!

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 27/12/2025 02:31

Dontyoulooktired · 27/12/2025 00:15

Oh christ, you do realise it’s not that deep?

We did the whole Santa thing. My now 23 year old isn’t in therapy over it. Nor am I from when I was a kid.

You get older, relaise Santa isn’t real and it just sort of stops. I also have an 11 year old and a 5 year old. 11 year old has already worked out Santa isn’t real but still plays along. 5 year old be lives in Santa.

It doesn’t have to be some big betrayal. They get older and see it for what it was - a family who loved them and wanted to create a bit of magic for them. Then they do it for their own children.

There is no need for such drama!

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WTF? Santas not real?

MissLead · 27/12/2025 10:29

NearlyMonday · 26/12/2025 20:08

This does sound a little far fetched …

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It sounds perfectly reasonable and normal to me.

Salyexley · 28/12/2025 14:09

Just tell your hubby if this happens next yr that you will have issues, she can come at a reasonable hr or not at all. My grandparents used to come around 12.30 for dinner and sometimes stay afternoon for nibbles.

Bluedenimdoglover · 28/12/2025 15:31

I vannot believe the bile spouted in some of these responses. Really, "ladies" don't you have a bigger vocabulary without the expletives? I sometimes wonder if these responders are just trying to wind up the poster.

I would never manage a situation with my MiL in some of the ways suggested here. If she is living alone then she's desperate to be at the heart of the family on Christmas day. You should have asked your husband to deal with this and not by text.
If, in future, you are widowed or are single due to divorce you may look back on this with a little more understanding.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/12/2025 15:35

Bluedenimdoglover · 28/12/2025 15:31

I vannot believe the bile spouted in some of these responses. Really, "ladies" don't you have a bigger vocabulary without the expletives? I sometimes wonder if these responders are just trying to wind up the poster.

I would never manage a situation with my MiL in some of the ways suggested here. If she is living alone then she's desperate to be at the heart of the family on Christmas day. You should have asked your husband to deal with this and not by text.
If, in future, you are widowed or are single due to divorce you may look back on this with a little more understanding.

I've not criticised the OP at all. But I really couldn't give one shiny fucking shit if somebody gets all puffed up like an affronted chicken at my language.

Alliod40 · 28/12/2025 16:01

My god i hope your turn comes when no one loves you enough to open a door to you,what miserable bitches on here and i hope you all have sons that marry awful Dils that want nothing to do with any of yous..my kids are grown and before the grandkids came along they still wanted to get up at 7 and up we got..I have a great friend and her DD comes every year aswell she's now 27..shes worse than my girls wanting to get up early..my own mother would come in from the country for 7..nobody would be locked out or left outside..life is miserable enough..why not be kind for at least one season fgs..

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 28/12/2025 16:12

Alliod40 · 28/12/2025 16:01

My god i hope your turn comes when no one loves you enough to open a door to you,what miserable bitches on here and i hope you all have sons that marry awful Dils that want nothing to do with any of yous..my kids are grown and before the grandkids came along they still wanted to get up at 7 and up we got..I have a great friend and her DD comes every year aswell she's now 27..shes worse than my girls wanting to get up early..my own mother would come in from the country for 7..nobody would be locked out or left outside..life is miserable enough..why not be kind for at least one season fgs..

Why does the 'kindness' only go one way?

Op wants to have her own time with her own children and not have to cater for her MIL at 6am on Christmas morning. Its a pretty reasonable request really.

My sons are both in relationships and I would absolutely never inflict myself on them at that hour, or at all unless invited on any day, let alone Christmas day.

DisabledDemon · 28/12/2025 16:28

As far as I'm concerned, 6am is justifiable cause for homicide and 9am grounds for ABH. Stick your heels in and tell your husband it's time he grew a backbone. 6am indeed! (The sound you can hear is me stomping off in disgust.)

Needspaceforlego · 28/12/2025 16:30

I have two children and I can honestly tell you I will not be rocking up on their doorstep at 6.30 in the morning ever.

6.30 is for sleeping.

Tigerbalmshark · 28/12/2025 19:42

Alliod40 · 28/12/2025 16:01

My god i hope your turn comes when no one loves you enough to open a door to you,what miserable bitches on here and i hope you all have sons that marry awful Dils that want nothing to do with any of yous..my kids are grown and before the grandkids came along they still wanted to get up at 7 and up we got..I have a great friend and her DD comes every year aswell she's now 27..shes worse than my girls wanting to get up early..my own mother would come in from the country for 7..nobody would be locked out or left outside..life is miserable enough..why not be kind for at least one season fgs..

If I ever find myself chapping adult DS’s door at 6am on Christmas Day just for the hell of it, his wife will be more than justified in cutting contact with me.

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2025 20:22

Alliod40 · 28/12/2025 16:01

My god i hope your turn comes when no one loves you enough to open a door to you,what miserable bitches on here and i hope you all have sons that marry awful Dils that want nothing to do with any of yous..my kids are grown and before the grandkids came along they still wanted to get up at 7 and up we got..I have a great friend and her DD comes every year aswell she's now 27..shes worse than my girls wanting to get up early..my own mother would come in from the country for 7..nobody would be locked out or left outside..life is miserable enough..why not be kind for at least one season fgs..

But the OP was offering to open her door at 9am - does this really make her a miserable bitch?

FunCrab · 29/12/2025 13:55

Some of this post is upsetting.
A MIL that really wants involvement with grandchildren and Christmas only comes once a year. Consider if this was been said about you when you are a MIL.
She may be superexcited and the children are excited.
Bet she helps out so much but that is OK.
So if she arrives at 6 on Xmas morning does it really matter so much, it's you would prefer she arrived later is this such a terrible thing.
There are many MILs that don't want to know.
Focus on her positives.

IndolentCat · 31/12/2025 19:35

She may be superexcited and the children are excited.
Bet she helps out so much but that is OK.
So if she arrives at 6 on Xmas morning does it really matter so much, it's you would prefer she arrived later is this such a terrible thing.

where would you personally draw the line @FunCrab ? I mean, for me 6am and stocking time is beyond what’s reasonable because I want to sit in bed watching my dc with their stockings and having my coffee, and my MiL has no place in my bedroom. She can come round later for the tree presents. Why does being excited and helping out give her carts blanche to invade every part of family life, instead of joining in where she is welcomed?

thepariscrimefiles · 01/01/2026 15:47

FunCrab · 29/12/2025 13:55

Some of this post is upsetting.
A MIL that really wants involvement with grandchildren and Christmas only comes once a year. Consider if this was been said about you when you are a MIL.
She may be superexcited and the children are excited.
Bet she helps out so much but that is OK.
So if she arrives at 6 on Xmas morning does it really matter so much, it's you would prefer she arrived later is this such a terrible thing.
There are many MILs that don't want to know.
Focus on her positives.

Honestly, you must be very sensitive if hearing about a request for a MIL to arrive at her son's home on Christma morning at 9.00 am rather than 6.00 am is really upsetting.

She will be able to watch her grandchildren open the vast majority of their presents, just not the stocking presents that they open in OP's bedroom before OP gets up and gets dressed. She will be there for the rest of the day, including Christmas dinner.

Most grandparents would be happy with that arrangement.

peppermintteadrinker · 02/01/2026 11:00

How is this still going on January 2nd? 🤔

What do you mean 'will' .. @thepariscrimefiles ? It was over a week ago.

Hope it went smoothly in the end @Countrybumpkin19 YA still NBU 😊

Factsoverfiction · 02/01/2026 11:06

peppermintteadrinker · 02/01/2026 11:00

How is this still going on January 2nd? 🤔

What do you mean 'will' .. @thepariscrimefiles ? It was over a week ago.

Hope it went smoothly in the end @Countrybumpkin19 YA still NBU 😊

Because you responded.