MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

She doesn't want her MIL on the doorstep at 6am. Inviting her to stay would avoid that.

What about her DHs feelings?

was DH on board with the plan before you sent the text? I would have been inclined to agree with him first.

6am seems unreasonable to you and me, but he seems ok with it.

I would say midday!

9am is also far too early. She needs to back off and from the sounds of it your husband wasn't going to tell her that. So well done in setting a boundary and too bad if she's upset by it. Turning up at someone's house at 6am is fucking insane.

I was single, living the other side of the country, working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. There was no-one to invite, although I was living in a tiny flat so they would have needed to sleep in the bath if there had been.

6am is ridiculous. What time are you usually up? I would not be doing any entertaining. I would also be having a very very long shower after the stocking opening/breakfast and leaving DH to it.

But 9am is still early! OP hasn't told her to stay away until mid-afternoon - just asked her to wait 3 hours until a slightly more reasonable time of the morning.

Because he doesn't want to upset mummy and he sounds like a wet fart for not doing so. I couldn't respect a man who didn't have my back in a relationship / marriage.
Mummy is more important than his wife obviously.

I am always up by that time and if I actually liked my MIL and didn’t have to be “on parade” then I’d have no problem with it. She would be met with me in my PJs, coffee in hand, slightly bleary eyed. We’d have a coffee and a chat until everyone else surfaced. But, like I say, I did like my MIL (she’s been gone for years now) and she was a very easy guest to have.

No-one has said she should wait until the afternoon, though. OP suggested 9am, which is still pretty early but at least a civilised time to visit.

Agree with pps that 6am is highly fucking unreasonable on her part, if your kids actually took a bit of a sleep in she'd be waking the whole house at that time for no reason which is really unfair, especially when you've a very busy day hosting ahead.

I think either she needs to sleep over the night before and wake up when the house is getting up, or she needs to come a little later - 9am is not an unreasonable ask. Does she pitch in and help when she's there or expect to be lifted and laid?

I do think that you should have discussed this with your dh first, you made a unilateral decision regarding his family and left him to be blindsided by it and I think I would apologise for that

This is 6am to be ready to receive MIL, right? So unless you want to greet her in your pyjamas, you have to be getting out of bed at the arse crack of dawn. YANBU.

I have a disabled child with a serious sleep disorder, so I am no stranger to starting the day at 4am. 6am is a lie-in for me (and I’m one of those people who would happily sleep 14 hours if left alone 🤣). Despite this, there isn’t a cat’s chance in hell that anyone other than my husband or children is crossing that threshold before 8am at the very very earliest. Even if you are up with small children, you are sleep deprived, in your pyjamas, unbrushed hair and generally in need of caffeination and copious amounts of hot water at that time of the day - it is ABSOLUTELY not a time for inviting your MIL biggest critic into the building! Stand firm OP.

She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it)

Do you and your husband not talk to each other? I cannot imagine her turning up at 6am and you being completely surprised about it and not even asking him if he knew she was coming.

And now you're changing his plan without talking to him first? There must be more going on here. This isn't normal OP.

Why not make it 5.30am and be done 😆😜

Well yes, there is that.

My dc never got gifts before breakfast (at 9am) so definitely unreasonable however I think the compromise is stockings early resident family only but the majority of gifts are given mid morning after breakfast

Well im a mil and i think her mil is ridiculous. Tell her arrive mid morning when her gds can open the presents she has bought for them and then she can entertain them for a while.

That's ridiculous
YANBU at all OP

I also think it's a ridiculous time to arrive.
However I am in the camp of the last to get out of bed gets to open the first present. I have a 5 year old and we don't get up before at least 8am

Dear lord, I hope I never become as unreasonable as OP’s MIL when I become one 😅 6am!!!

6am is fucking bonkers and even 9am is early. My mum is a widow and she’d never ever ask to come over at 6am. It wouldn’t even occur to her. I don’t blame you for sending the message yourself, sounds like your dh is a total wet lettuce. I wouldn’t insist on my kids delaying opening their stockings either, mine are 10 and 7 and it’s still the best bit of the day for them.

I wouldn’t even let in my kids dad at 6am. What if the kids decided to sleep in for once?