MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

That would be a WTF are you thinking, MIL?

She can come over at a reasonable hour or fuck off.

I get what she's trying. She wants to do the whole Xmas thing super early with your kids and your husband. Tough. She had her time with her kids, this is yours to do as you want.

Your husband needs to shut this shit down. He's not on your side. Tell him his mom had her turn at this and it's not up to her to show up at such an unreasonable hour.

I'm a MIL and there is no chance of me going anywhere at 6 am,unless it's an airport.

She is definitely unreasonable. She is over stepping and your DH needs to support you on this.

6am?? That's ridiculous - and it feels like the middle of the night. Let her come at 9 or not at all. I'm a MIL and wouldn't dream of going out as early as that - even 9am is early. I let my family have their own Christmas day with their own children.

6am!!!! I will be fast asleep for another 2 hours at least 😂. 9am is more than generous.

tell her that now she's caused a row between you and her son, she isn't welcome at all.

Totally agree except for the bit where I’m jealous cos my MIL is already here and staying for SIX DAYS!!!

can we swap?

Entirely unreasonable of MIL OP. And DH needs to give his head a wobble too. Kids opening their stockings is a lovely thing as a parent but if she wants to see then record the event. She can see present opening later I’m sure.
I’m mad just thinking about it. How rude and your DH is thoughtless!

I would say no to her coming before 11. She can see your child open the presents that she herself has bought her, not what you have.
First thing Christmas morning is for family time, she's not part of that.

I'd give a lot to have my dad back at ours for Xmas. And I totally took on responsibility for him and wanted him to be as happy as the kids once my mum had died. I think the vast majority of the attitudes here are a shame. And I think your kids probably get a lot from a very loving grandparent who wants to share their joy.
I'd lend her a key to let herself in and come down when you're ready.

Never had a 6am start and wouldn't miss them at all if I ever had them on Christmas day.

Kids must hate seeing their parents pissed off, having an argument because of the MIL and seeing she's ruining Christmas day for the entire family.

Can she not stay over?

I agree with that - but in all fairness when we stayed over at in laws no one was up till 8.30 on Xmas day , young son at time included

Try not to emotionally blackmail people to get your own way.

MIL and FIL turned up at ours at 9.30 on Christmas Day once. DH and I were livid. They woke us up ringing the bell and banging on the door lots of times. We had been to midnight mass and didn't get to bed until 2am. I let them know in a very angry way that they weren't welcome in ours until noon in future, no matter what they wanted. SIL would not have them at hers until then either after they turned up at 10am. No visitors in anyone's house until 12noon unless specifically invited is my response.

@Carandache18stating a fact / no skin in the game from me except missing people who used to be here on Christmas Day

My MIL stays with us, (uninvited I may add) and joins us in our bedroom when the kids open stockings which I just find all kinds of wrong.
I’m hoping we’re coming downstairs for stockings now that the kids are teenagers so it’s not so weird as having her in my bedroom at early o clock.

Ridiculous of her thinking it’s acceptable arriving at 6am and your OH should be telling her not to .

Your DH and MIL both want this, so you're best off giving in. Does it really matter if she's there? You could also invite her to stay over the night before. As regards her possibly arriving at 6, wouldn't you be up with the children anyway, with all their excitement? Or, does your DH get up at that time to put the bird in? Either way, if you don't want her to stay over and you also won't already be up, get your DH to open the door.

I might be biased, because I don't like the own-little-family trend at Christmas. My mother always shared us generously with her parents - they came to stay for a month at Xmas, living 350 miles away - and on Boxing Day all our cousins, aunts, uncles, and other set of grandparents would be over for the day. To me, Christmas is a multi-generational day, otherwise it's just like any ordinary day. I have a family member who hurt their parents very much with the own-little-family trend, so that's another reason I don't like it.

I don't think I'd have the heart to deny a grandma the chance to see them open their stockings if that's what they really wanted. I consider these relationships to be very important. And what would you possibly be doing with her not there that you can't do with her there?

Obviously, it's very nice for your DH to see his mum and his children together on Christmas morning. From his perspective, you're probably standing in the way of making those memories.

It's not worth the bad feeling between you and your DH. Let her come. Treat yourself to something delicious for breakfast.

I think 6am is too early.

That said, my dad used to stay over & my kids loved getting him up in his PJs to show him what was in the stockings that they had just opened in bed with us.

Then almost pulling him downstairs to see what was under the tree.

My Dad was on his own & my husband knew it meant a lot to me & the kids for this to happen.

You are completely reasonable, even when my MIL stayed over Christmas she kept out the way till we were all downstairs. Stockings were opened when our kids climbed into our bed. All other presents done when all grandparents had arrived.

Why can’t your kids open their stockings at 9am?

Mine always waited until a less ungodly hour before unwrapping presents.

@MadCatHagshame on you, my goodness what have we come to, are you serious?

Mmm. 6am is an unusual time to arrive. I think she has the impression that Christmas morning is a big deal in your house or that by 6am everyone has been up for hours.

Exactly. Me too. Both my parents and all of my grandparents are long gone. I cherish the memories of the Christmases when they were here so much.