He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

[mondaystuesdays]

im new here, sorry this is in the wrong place i see posts here seem to get loads of traffic and could do with advice. please be kind though

i have a 5 day old baby boy. He was unplanned but he is loved. I don’t have family support and as a result I live in temporary accommodation by the council with baby. I split up with his dad before he was born but last week we met up and we agreed to get back together. Baby was then born on Thursday and he’s been supportive and staying over since Saturday as we got home Saturday morning.

we’ve just been bonding with him tbh but today I felt more myself and comfortable and we took him for a short walk. Baby was asleep when we got home and I was just resting too as I’ve been worrying about baby not waking up for a feed so I’ve not been resting when he’s been sleeping (google says it’s normal though)

Bf then started asking for a handjob, I said no and when he asked why I reminded him I gave birth 5 days ago. His response was “it’s not like full on sex” and then went to the bathroom after making a comment about doing it himself. He’s seemed to be in a mood all afternoon and has now gone out after saying he’s going out for a smoke.

please be kind as I’m new here but I’ve never posted before so sorry if this is wrong in any way. I don’t have any one else to speak to about this. I just noticed to get it out.

Get rid. It will not get any better.

"Men being happy" wasn't my priority 5 days after giving birth. It's not for OP and good on her. The priority is her and the baby right now, l personally am glad she has her priorities straight.
The only hand job he would have got off me is a punch in the face

My God, I think the Yorkshire Gold guy is serious. I assumed he was on the wind up, but it seems he really did believe what he was saying and he really does think the boyfriend and he himself are the victims, and declining to give your deadbeat former ex a hand shandy five days after giving birth is a sign of how much Women Want Men To Be Unhappy.

Dear Lord. They walk among us.

I am sorry that he turned out to be such a disappointment. Life will get better. Hopefully, you can meet some other young mother friends in the near future. I think it is excellent advice to not put him on the birth certificate - he'd have to agree as you're not married. And give the baby your surname as it will be a lot easier administratively to have the same surname and I can't see him being a positive presence in your baby's life. His mother sounds vile too. You sound like you are coping really well in difficult circumstances.

But Yorkshire told us they are actually a pregnant woman and that must be true because no one would ever tell a lie on the internet. (Invented by men for the use of women in this gynocentric world). Blessed day.

Ick. Can't imagine how unsupportive that would have felt - and does make him come across as someone who unfailingly prioritises his own "needs" even when you just gave birth. Is he adding any real value in your relationship or are you just back with him because you want to be a family unit regardless - I'd look very very carefully at whether he is contributing to your and your baby's wellbeing. Also - please go to mum's groups etc - you need a village and no one cares about your age - you're going through the same thing as everyone else.

His mum obviously doesn’t like you. I’d be very wary of any involvement from her. Don’t let him smoke then come straight back to the baby, read up on the increased risk of SIDS and keep your baby safe.

Don’t put him on the birth certificate-he’d have to go with you anyway as you aren’t married. Does he work?

What a self centred arse
look after yourself and get rid

Maybe wait until you’re 5 days post-partum to give advice then.

Or maybe don’t even then because you’re clearly a pick-me girl and have internalised ALL the misogyny.

I call BS. I guess anything is possible but I've never met a woman who would say what you've said (and frankly I don't know many men who would).

Go to the baby groups and sod the judgemental people. I was a lone parent at 28 but have always been petite and so people often thought I was much younger (several midwives commented rudely on how young I was until I put them straight about my age). Honestly, just do what you need to do and never feel ashamed about being a young mum.

Some women do have a sex drive after giving birth, not all the 6 week checks where women are pregnant again are because these women were co-erced/forced into having sex. Women can do as they please and having no interest post-partum is absolutely fine, but so is having an interest in sex again.

Wow he sounds vile. Get rid it will only get worse

Well I don't know about you but I'm totally convinced.

Of course women can want to. But there is a world of difference between a woman in loving relationship wanting to, and feeling obliged because a man is sulking and men invented roads for women and women should be grateful.

No woman who's five days postpartum wants to service a deadbeat dude who's whining because they've got a five day old baby and it's interfering with his handjobs. Not many men wouldn't have the brains to realise it's not the fucking time even if it is the priority for them.

Get rid. What a c u next Tuesday he is.

Be yourself and don't pay any attention to what anyone might think of you. What do they know anyway. Take advantage of everything that's available to you and hold your head up high.

Don't stay with someone who has the sensitivy of a nat. He should be looking after you, not asking for sex.

It sounds like you're doing really well with your little one. Do what's right for you both and take no notice of the negativity coming from elsewhere

Agreed I’m sure some women are interested in sex at that point post birth - ie two way consensual sexual activity that provides intimacy for both parties. That’s very very different from YorkshireGoldDrinker’s view that only mean women who don’t want men to be happy wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to randomly give a handjob to their barely back together partner any time he demands one 5 days post birth.

He’s vile. Concentrate on you and your baby. Good luck with everything. 🌸

Gross

What an arsehole

jesuschrist what a sick sick sick post

A handjob five days after giving birth?
Yes definitely - just make sure you're wearing a boxing glove - and go for his nose, not his hose!

Don’t worry op, there are just as many young mums at baby groups as any other age. If you can find a local church one, it will just be a pound or two a session, free tea/coffee/biscuit and a little chat with other mums and babies. From 4 or 5 months is a good time to start going. Library baby groups are usually free and can also be very supportive.

You sound vulnerable. Remember you can still contact your midwife team for the first few weeks, even in the middle of the night. They will help with any questions from feeding to changing, they are very helpful. When you change over to the health visitor team, again you can ask any questions about looking after baby, playing with baby. Local family hubs run free groups too. They will also have free parenting classes. Honestly, just ask for and accept as much support as you can. If BF wants to step up and be a dad that would be great but they and focus on yourself and your baby at the moment. Also, make sure he always wears a smoking jacket that he takes off before coming into contact with baby as smoke on clothes can contribute to SIDS. (Good that he is going outside and not smoking around baby though) Congratulations on your baby.