To be thinking something so awful?

[iamsoashamedofmyself]

I’m aware I’m going to get absolutely destroyed for this. My dad has three children. Me, and two older daughters by his first wife.

His first wife insists that at Christmas she cannot be without her daughters. She refuses. So my dad has never had a Christmas dinner with all of his children present. His ex refuses to even entertain the idea of us all having dinner together. My older sister has a child now and he has never seen his grandchild at Christmas. His first wife times the days so that there is no time for us to see them.

We do a redo on Boxing Day (with dinner and the trimmings) every year but it’s not the same is it? For the last thirty years my dad has never enjoyed Christmas. He has always made sure there was magic there when I was younger, but every year I can tell it breaks his heart that he’s not getting to see his whole family.

This is where the awful thoughts come in. Sometimes I wish his first wife would just die. I know it would destroy my sisters and i hate myself for even daring to think it, but god I wish my dad could have just one good Christmas, with everyone. I wish we could just have one good Christmas as a family. Hearing everyone discussing their Christmas plans at work, knowing that our Christmas Day will be horrendous, breaks my heart. I just wish she wasn’t so selfish and could let my dad have one good Christmas.

You are all being ridiculous. Christmas isn’t one day. It’s a season. Celebrate on the day that suits you. What the hell would any of these parents do if their children wanted a quiet Christmas at home or had to work
shift work or moved to the other side of the country or Australia. You all need to grow up

I don’t come from a spilt family, but it’s rare we can can all get together on Christmas Day. We just have another Christmas Day a few days later. Twice the fun!

Your dad is so unreasonable. I understand hes upset at not having his 2 eldest with him on Christmas day but he should not let that ruin his day with the people who are there. You and your mum. If anything, it should make him appreciate you all the more.

As a mother, I would never allow my mood to affect my children's Christmas. I get up and paint on a smile, no matter how im feeling. Thats what parents do. They put their children's happiness first. Im sorry your dad cant do that for you.

You are right about the first wife being awful, but your dad is no better.

Think about it OP. In years to come are you going to subject your own children to your dad's miserable attitude on Christmas? Or are you going to stay away because you dont want to ruin their day?

Invite her too if your Dad is in such turmoil about it. I would never ever leave my Mum alone on Christmas Day. Never. Kudos to the older sisters for not leaving her.

And I say this with kindness. You only have your dad’s side of the argument on this. You can never know the full picture

Seriously @iamsoashamedofmyself I’m started to understand why your sisters go to their mums; you and your dad both sound a bit joyless to be honest. I can practically hear the chains of doom clanging…

She refuses. Point blank. It’s been suggested and she makes all sorts of threats. She hates me (not even my mum, just me), because she thinks I’m the reason they’re still split up.

I just wish that for one day they’d think of someone other than her. It hurts my dad beyond belief.

Because it's clearly what your sisters want.

They don't even want to drink a bit less so they can enjoy Boxing Day with their dad without being hungover.

This is their choice, not their mother's.

They simply don't want to see him on Christmas Day and if I were you, I wouldn't either due to the way he treats you.

Because that's the day she wants and her family go along with it. Would I prefer xmas day sure but it's not the end of the world, certainly isn't ruining my life.
It should be your sisters that you are annoyed at, they are making the choice to spend the day with her.

😂 You’re letting your dad ruin every Christmas you have and you’d rather that than let him spend Christmas Day on his own. Why would they feel any differently about their mum?

You started off sounding frustrated and upset, but really just having a vent. You’ve now notched it up to sounding bonkers and taking your dad and their mum with you. Your poor sisters. I wouldn’t answer the door to a single one of you.

I’m the awful one for caring about my dad?

Beat her to it! Have a full Christmas Day on Christmas Eve, complete with midnight mass. Let her have them hungover and tired for once! Then you won’t mind Christmas Day being more subdued, you’ll be full and hungover too🤭

Your dad needs to give his head a wobble, so woe is me.

Yes I understand it’s unfair but clearly it’s not going to happen, so….crack on?

You have to admit it’s a bit silly ruining Christmas (the season, not the 25th) every year over this. What does your mum think?

Your dad needs a slap, he's wasted every Christmas being heartbroken and miserable when he really didn't need to. It sounds like he enjoys the misery and the attention it gets him.

It might do, but that doesn't give him carte blanche to treat you and your mum like total shit every single year.

He doesn’t. He is upset. That is a valid feeling.

Slightly different scenario but I’m the 2nd wife and my dh has 2 children from his first marriage and we have one together.

Regardless of what your sisters mum has said/done in the past I think your father’s behaviour is terrible. If my dh even dared to say that Christmas wasn’t enough without his other 2 and made our child feel lesser he’d be on his own and spending Christmas with no children. He still celebrates Xmas day with all the cheer and trimmings and sees it as a bonus that we get to celebrate twice, each day is just as special . Yes he’d love my dsc there but for many reasons we’ve had to accept this won’t happen and we don’t wallow we make the best of the situation and that for us means Xmas is 2 days not one.

Disgraceful behaviour from an adult.

I think she’d actually top herself if that happened!

He's had 40 Christmases to find a way to enjoy himself and make his new family happy and yet wallows and makes everyone miserable?

I think you'd serve him better by telling him to get a grip.

OP, where is your own mum in all this? How does she respond to your dad's behavior? How does she treat YOU on Christmas Day?
There is a huge silence here and I am wondering whether your mother got sick of your father not considering that SHE was good enough to celebrate with and departed!

Yes, he does, you're just too close to him to see it. It's very sad.

So every single Christmas Day since before you were born has been spent with your dad sulking and refusing to celebrate, and instead of being annoyed with him for ruining literally every Christmas you have ever known, you are annoyed with his ex wife?

I’m amazed your mum hasn’t divorced him too. I’d have been out of there after year 2, I certainly wouldn’t have entertained this nonsense for 40 years.

why? You’re not depriving her of Christmas Day. Win-win?