DSIL has asked me to wear a non matching outfit on Christmas Day

[Xmasdresscode]

I am friendly with DSIL and we get along well. She text me earlier to ask what outfit I’ve planned for Christmas Day (as we are all at MIL’s house this year).

It turns out we’ve planned something very similar, near identical infact.

She has suggested I wear something else so we aren’t matching.

I purchased the outfit specifically for the day so am reluctant to. She has already travelled down to MIL’s (she lives 3 hours from her) so doesn’t have an alternative.

Am I unreasonable to stick to what I plan to wear? It’s not as if we are going out on the day.

I’d rather not be in photos thanks.

sorted! Tbh if she is fit and gorgeous I’d probably wear something different as I wouldn’t want to be unfavourably compared.

How utterly pathetic to coordinate outfits based on socials.

OP, you bought this dress especially right??! Grow a pair. And next time say “oh I don’t know yet” and wear what you bloody like. In fact I think you should still wear the dress and say “I won’t get in your group pics don’t worry”

Don’t get into conversation about what you are gonna wear again with her, maybe you didn’t get chance to reply or just ignore the message

my SIL can be very annoying in this regard so I get it

Even that seems daft to me, as the FOB and FOG often dress the same. I would have had no problem with my mum and MIL wearing similar dresses (due to where each lived/their culture and choices in clothing this wasn't likely to happen, but I mean in principle). It is up to the bride and groom, but I feel insisting her mum is in pink and his in blue is too prescriptive.

Yes, I agree. There are many things to criticise Thatcher for, but I don't see what she did wrong here. It wasn't arrogant at all to think that she was important; she was the elected leader of the country, so she was very important.

She was the very first woman to have that position in this country - having to follow behind a load of men who were obviously never going to have their clothing choices compared to those of the Queen, and indeed would not be criticised anyway, regardless of what they wore, because men are never put under that kind of scrutiny or judged for their outfits in the first place.

Whether you liked her or hated her for her politics, i think it's well out of order to sneer at her for something like this.

If with relatives/ friends then I would wear something special for Christmas dinner, we got bought xmas outfits as children ( and Easter outfits, nothing weird but something new) and usually get changed mid morning. New year dinner similar. I never ask what anyone else is wearing though and if someone asked me not to wear my already bought/ made outfit I would tell them not to be silly as it doesn’t matter

I agree. Even though I wrote in my post "it's not a wedding" I actually couldn't care less if someone did wear the same as I wore to a wedding, or any other occasion. I would laugh and comment on what good taste we both had. My MIL wore cream to my wedding, my dress was cream (and she made it) - couldn't have cared less whereas some people would have a conniption.

As for "photos on socials" - there are no words .......

I think you have done the right thing by doing this. For whatever reason, this is really important to her. For the sake of 'happy families' and not intentionally upsetting her, I would wear a different outfit.

At the end of the day, they are only clothes and her request is over the top, but it's Xmas day and I wouldn't want a bad atmosphere.

I have never heard of the need to coordinate outfits ahead of Christmas Day. Wear whatever you had planned and did her. I assume her wish is to ensure the photos are perfect for social media.

Checking outfits has never occurred to me, but I would probably find it funny if there were two of us in the same outfit. I might even suggest positioning ourselves in photos like bookends.

But as it matters to your SIL who doesn’t have an alternative outfit, I would probably see if I could change my outfit enough for it not to clash. (A cardigan, knee length boots instead of shoes, a scarf). If that didn’t work I would probably not wear it. I would be sad about it though.

"She has already travelled down to MIL’s (she lives 3 hours from her) so doesn’t have an alternative."

Same, and cant imagine noticing what others wear on the day

It wouldn’t occur to me to check on what other people were wearing but she’s made it awkward for you now.

Is that you, Kate? Well I mean if you’re going to meet thousands of well-wishers outside church at Sandrigham, outfits need a bit of coordination.

Even if you both wear the same, I would just make a joke of it; it's funny and cute! Unless you are going to be all over OK! Magazine or something, choosing identically is really interesting and fun.

Wow. People really are insane.

I agree. On occasions where I've worn something the same or similar to someone else, we've found it hilarious. The only conversations about what people are wearing before an event are usually because the dress code is unclear and I'm checking that I won't be over or underdressed.

To me this is a 'pick your battles' type situation. is it really worth the trouble, aggravation and upset to insist you wear this outfit on the day, just because you bought it specially? Surely there will be other occasions you can wear it? You already know to wear it will cause her upset, so if you do, you are making a concious and deliberate decision to hurt and offend someone you otherwise like and get on with. Its just not worth it in my opinion. Dont be petty. For whatever reason, she wants to wear something and not be wearing identical or very similar to you. Thats not a huge ask in the grand scheme of things.

I cannot imagine why adults care what other adults are wearing on Christmas day?

To me this is a 'pick your battles' type situation. is it really worth the trouble, aggravation and upset to insist you wear this outfit on the day, just because you bought it specially?

Why should all this be turned on Op though?

SIL is the one who wants things to look a certain way-it's not up to everyone else to bend to her!

Well if you’ve both chosen full Santa gear…it’s probably reasonable one of you changes.

OP bought it specially

Wear it! Grandparents and children will likely love the festive twinning. Remind her that Christmas is really not about her or how she looks, the clue is in the name. (I'd also object to being treated as a backdrop for Instagram twattery, but maybe that's just me.)

Whyyyyy did you do that?