Shocked at uni drug culture

[OneGreyCat]

AIBU to think this is concerning? DD is really struggling at uni and I’m not sure how worried I should be. She’s at a Russell Group, she’s doing well academically, has friends and is part of societies mainly hockey which she did at school too. She does go out and socialises but she isn’t a massive drinker and has never been into drugs. Which brings me to the issue…the main problem is the drug culture. It’s absolutely everywhere and she’s finding it overwhelming. The people she lives with openly take drugs, have friends over most nights, come back very late even on weeknights, and carry on partying, making noise and doing drugs in the house with strangers who she doesn’t know.

DD told me she doesn’t want to be a killjoy as she doesn’t want to be isolated but she’s exhausted and feels like she can’t escape it. She’s not someone who wants to stay in every night, but she also doesn’t want drugs to be the centre of everything. Has anyone else’s DC struggled with this side of uni life? Is this just something they have to put up with, or is it reasonable to think about reporting it ?

I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to dismiss how unhappy she is. It’s just such a shock to me because when I was at university lots of people smoked cannabis and we knew others were doing class a type drugs but it was a small pocket of people, DD says it’s everywhere for her.

Were you not young once? Everyone was off their face on Ecstasy at Uni in the 90s.

And it makes bit difference whatsoever that it is a Russell Group Uni.

How old are you? Drug taking was rife in my life from the age of about 14. By 20 I was sick of it and never took anything again. This was in the 2000s. Ultimately you just have to kind of wait for everyone to grow out of it, most of my friends did by 25.

Is she in halls or in a student house? She might be able to move if in halls.

Edit: drug culture can be the norm on some courses absolutely. I never really came across it in my social circle. Whilst I'm not pointy about drug use, my friendship circles were mostly none drinking church goers or students with placements.

She needs to move accomodation. Ask for a,swap
What about next year has she sorted accomodation?
There will be plenty other students not doing drugs and partying

I think the whole "Russell Group" thing needs to be forgotten quickly @OneGreyCat . I went to Oxbridge and I still saw drugs.

The Russell Group, while containing those universities, also contains cities like Birmingham, Glasgow, Leeds, Liverpool and Manchester. Those places contain MASSIVE party towns and subcultures for those who are looking for it.

My questions are:

• Can she move out of her house, break the tenancy and request from uni or others some halls accommodation - or find a group of people she can live with who aren't party goers? I spent my third year "in halls" when everyone else rented a house in Cowley. I lived with girls who didn't really rate me at first as I wasn't as awesomely academic or focused as them, but I knew exactly what I would get from the house and we all ended up on very good terms as we all wanted to focus

• She should also speak to uni counsellor or anyone else who could support with this. Your daughter sounds lovely, she wants to live well and learn without chaos. It's a good thing - people should and will support it

I hope it all works out for her soon @OneGreyCat

She won't be isolated as clearly these people are not worth hanging around. It's easy to get caught up with peer pressure, so it's great that your daughter is recognising that she is not interested in this kind of a lifestyle. From my experience, there are also plenty of students who know to have fun without the excesses. She needs to find a better group of friends by expanding her social circle.

This was DD experience (sadly) psychotic episodes included 😳

She lives now lives with other like minded people

There are certain universities which do have a huge reputation for drug taking: Leeds, Bristol and Manchester, in particular.

DD’s best bet would be to use societies to try and find her tribe around a shared interest or hobby - you mention she has course mates and hockey mates. Perhaps she looks at forming a group with those friends for second year accommodation? First year is always the worst as you’re thrown into a huge group of people with differing backgrounds and interests.

This has always been a social issue, not just at uni. She needs to say no. She won't be the only one (although it might seem that way).

I think it depends on who you hang round with.

When I was at uni, I knew people that did drugs, mostly weed, but never particularly hung about with them.

I asked my dc not very long ago. They are, or recently have been, at uni - mixture, one Russell group, one midrange, one performing arts.
They all said similar to me that yes, they knew people did drugs, again mostly weed, but they didn't really hang round with them so didn't see that much.

We all agreed that we'd have known who to go to if we'd wanted to get drugs, but didn't see that much because they weren't in our normal group hanging around with.

She just needs to find her people, hockey was known for being full of really heavy drinkers/people who liked a heavy party. I started uni anti drugs and finished with a healthy appetite for narcotics 🤣 but plenty of people don't do drugs, even in the cities known for it like Manchester. Id say try some other societies and try and make friends with different people off her course so she can live with different people next year.

Thanks all for your advice. She’s living with different people next year which should be good for her. I think she’s just generally shocked by the openness of it all and the safety aspect. There have been times she said where drug dealers have been in the building, and it’s not just the drugs but the noise than comes with it. She goes out on weekends and sports nights but on random evenings there are people in her kitchen doing drugs and blasting music until 3/4/5am.

I was at uni 24 years ago and it was rife then, so no I wouldn't be surprised. That was Russel Group and as PP has said, Leeds, Manchester and Bristol are renowned. Probably Nottingham and Durham as well.

She (you) need to get her moved, and be proactive about finding 'her' crowd.

It won't be everyone but unfortunately it sounds like her flatmates are into the drug scene. Has she met others on her course or through societies who are not?

My son is at uni (not RG) and hasn't mentioned anyone taking drugs. I am pretty sure he would tell me if he were offered them or tried them or even if he were around people taking them regularly/socially. It was something we spoke about before he went and he is very open. Thinking about it I am surprised it hasn't been mentioned. There have been parties and gatherings and a lot of alcohol although it's not every week. He is sharing a flat in halls with 3 friends and they sometimes just socialise together as a 4.

I don't think RG is relevant to whether students take drugs or not.

russell group uni = more middle class, privately educated students = more drugs.

I teach in private schools (have done for years) and the amount of drugs they do is shocking at first. So it’s only going to step up at uni.

your dd just needs to find new friends.

I appreciate everyone telling me RG is irrelevant I apologise for including that detail I don’t know why I thought it could maybe be relevant but I see not. I think she’s also concerned for them because she mentioned that it’s not every so often, it’s multiple nights a week and it’s not just her flat because girls she knows from hockey do the same (less often than her flat though).

I was at Durham and there was a lot of weed, and plenty of cocaine too. It was around the time when ketamin first became popular but that was largely reserved for summer festivals etc. RG is no barrier and actually where you have students with more money, it's more likely if anything.

If she's finding halls too noisy she can speak to student services and ask if there is a quieter hall with spaces, Freshers halls are often raucous but the university might have accommodation for mature students or finalists that will likely be much calmer.

Also is it normal that they go to parties/out drinking heavily 5/6 times a week? DD goes out weekly for sport social activities and usually either friday or Saturday night as well. She does have the money to go out more but doesn’t want to more than 2/3 nights a week but feels pressured as her flat are out much more often and she doesn’t want to feel ‘left out’. I’ve told her to do what she wants to do but I think she’s feeling the peer pressure especially as a couple of them have remarked that she would enjoy uni more if she went out more often.

At school DD was one of the people who went out regularly and does like to drink in moderation, so I think it’s come as a shock to her the intensity of uni.

I’m trying to focus on the positives of her doing well on her course and generally enjoying university.

When I was a mature student (1980s) I lived on a very tough council estate. There were shabeens every weekend and drugs were part of the culture. Often you could hear gun shots coming from a notorious club. Break ins and muggings were common. It was a huge culture shock for a middle class woman like myself but I just got used to it. I lived there for 5 years before I moved to a tower block which also had a resident drug dealer.

I know of a student, who moved halls to avoid the first lot of druggy flatmates. She doesn't have to stay there.

It’s shocking OP. The stories mine has told me about the open drug use. We are very rural so think this has been a bit of a culture shock to mine. I was too was soo naive at Uni that I didn’t actually notice the drug taking. Had a convo with Uni friends at a recent wedding who told me they all took stuff at Uni, I was there and I never noticed as they knew I hated drugs. But now I think it is so open. Ridiculous as drugs are illegal.

This - mine has even said some of the posh kids parents also do cocaine! The wealth of some of these kids is unreal

What year is she in? Most of the heavy drug users at my uni were gone by the second year. If she has a tenancy then she’ll likely just have to tolerate it until next year when hopefully she’ll find a different group of people to live with. I doubt it’s everyone though. It’s probably just the group she’s found herself in.

I think drugs are pretty rife at Year 11 and sixth form parties, not just unis. My children are not into hard drugs, but tell me all about everything. My eldest was at one of the unis mentioned on here, but he was mainly into alcohol and I think only the odd friend was into anything more than weed (my son also liked to smoke weed sometimes). My son is very strong in his views but doesn't mind being in the environment.
However, partying until 4am in her flat so often is bound to be an issue if your dd doesn't want to do the same thing. If it's a real issue I would see if she can move as next year is still a way off.