Shocked at uni drug culture

[OneGreyCat]

AIBU to think this is concerning? DD is really struggling at uni and I’m not sure how worried I should be. She’s at a Russell Group, she’s doing well academically, has friends and is part of societies mainly hockey which she did at school too. She does go out and socialises but she isn’t a massive drinker and has never been into drugs. Which brings me to the issue…the main problem is the drug culture. It’s absolutely everywhere and she’s finding it overwhelming. The people she lives with openly take drugs, have friends over most nights, come back very late even on weeknights, and carry on partying, making noise and doing drugs in the house with strangers who she doesn’t know.

DD told me she doesn’t want to be a killjoy as she doesn’t want to be isolated but she’s exhausted and feels like she can’t escape it. She’s not someone who wants to stay in every night, but she also doesn’t want drugs to be the centre of everything. Has anyone else’s DC struggled with this side of uni life? Is this just something they have to put up with, or is it reasonable to think about reporting it ?

I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to dismiss how unhappy she is. It’s just such a shock to me because when I was at university lots of people smoked cannabis and we knew others were doing class a type drugs but it was a small pocket of people, DD says it’s everywhere for her.

What's a shabeen?

Was this Hulme by any chance? Always loads of shabeens there!

Well I was madly into going out but didn't do constant drugs at all bar the odd joint and drank.
I wasn't aware of any other drug taking either

I would have absolutely HATED that.
I didn't experience any drug use at uni because fortunately I found a crowd who were like me and very against drugs. There was a lot of drinking but again I avoided it. Admittedly a lot of my friends were through Church but I knew plenty of people who weren't in to drugs. There must be lots of others like her there somewhere.

I'd be trying everything to find somewhere more peaceful to live!

Does the uni have alcohol free halls? They are popular among the non partying types. You can of course still drink if you want to meet friends in the pub but it's not brought home.

There's usually plenty of movement by this stage of the year so getting a swap shouldn't be that hard.

The so-called uni experience has always been awful like this, revolving around drugs and alcohol. Most parents seem to support the drinking and drug culture, and many students do too. People who don’t fit the mold often face bullying and harsh judgment. The culture of bullying that starts in secondary school carries on into university. That’s why I always suggest that people who don’t fit into that mold stay at home and commute if there’s a university nearby. I’m in my early 40s, and my younger siblings and I used to travel 50 minutes each way, join the activities we liked, avoid the party scene entirely, and head home after all our commitments. If my children ever choose to go to university, they’ll live at home and commute. These days, you can work from home and connect with people all over the world online, only joining the parties, clubs, and societies you actually want to be part of, without having to deal with less favorable influences.

I was at Manchester University in the 1990s and drugs were ubiquitous. I did partake but I often reflect that if I had wanted to avoid it it would have been hard. One of my close friends there was straight laced, didn’t drink or take anything and found it really oppressive. Looking back on it its actually pretty chilling.

I think moving is a good idea. There will be like-minded folk also want to get away from it.

Lol @ russell group

We'll never stop trying to make that a thing in this country will we?

I went to a russell group. Drugs were fucking rife. The medics were the worst.

Also in the 70s.

I forgot to add that the so-called uni experience is all about drugs and alcohol. Nobody is taking on loans and debt for the study and learning; it’s for the wild culture inside universities that has nothing to do with academics. The so-called independence people like to talk about at university is really just fun fueled by drugs or alcohol. Most parents are very supportive of this, as you can see in this thread.

If anywhere is more likely to consume drugs, its Russell Group - simply because they attract students with a bit of money behind them and ergo drugs cost money so-o-o-o......

However there's plenty of students that don't participate in drug-taking as de rigeur and your DD must see them out.

I think the only relevance of it being RG is that a lot of them will have loads of cash!
It's tough when she does like partying up to a point...I just always drank alongside the drug takers....but you are definitely having a different experience/ on the outside a bit

Er no…we weren’t!

I would try and move accommodation to be with more similar people.

DD is at university and hasn't mentioned anyone taking drugs there (and I didn't know anyone who did at mine in the 1990s) though she does go to a lot of social events in the evening to early hours. She told me before about there being a lot of ketamine use at her sixth form and at the village comp before then so think she would say if there was. She did hear about lots of ketamine use at one university and refused to put it on ucas. Its a university with a very good reputation but known for parties and rich students down south. She also had a friend at Bristol and he was partying every night, no drugs involved for him, but next-level every night partying - private school background and sensible, fairly strict parents, partied at sixth form but went up several levels on leaving home.

What a bunch of wasters they sound. Pathetic people who cant enjoy life without drugs.
You should be proud of your daughter. She sounds like shes git her head screwed on.

Agree

No one I knew took drugs at uni (25 years ago)

If my roommates had I'd have called the police immediately

Your daughter will find her people, keep the faith

My DD had this in her first term at uni.

her flat was a mix of students with disabilities and two drug taking party animals who invited the whole nightclub back at 3am.

the rows and drama were insane.

at Christmas, one of the party animals dropped out (apparently hadn’t bothered going to any lectures or doing any assignments), a student with autism moved into supported accommodation to get away from the flat, my DD moved into a specialist accommodation for students in a wheelchair and the other party animal moved into a space in her friend’s flat which had opened up.

apparently the rest of the year was very quiet.

the non party animals subsequently bonded in their hatred of drug taking muppets and got a house together for the second and third year.

In my experience at uni it was the kids who hadn’t been out much at school who were the ones out partying more. I had had a gap year and wasn’t finding the fact you could drink a novelty and felt some of them a bit immature tbh - esp if they had had parents who didn’t let them drink so then they went wild at uni.

I didn’t have any friends who did drugs though and I was in a city Russell group uni. I would suggest moving accommodation. She shouldn’t need to put up with the dealers etc

Having a close friend whose dds life has been ruined by drug taking including psychosis and an in patient stay I'm Amazed by the attitude of many on this thread.

She still Doesn't work aged 29 an is now on a cocktail Of prescription mental health meds. Is that what you want for your kids?

They work in PT jobs around their studies. I’m an academic and one of my most party animal students in a former job was also up at the crack of dawn six days a week mucking out horses in a livery. She must often have not got any sleep in between. She also got a first.

Is the idea better unis have less drug use?

I would also say that if this is her first term at uni, it's possible things might settle down a bit over the rest of the year. The first term is when everyone's finding their feet and going wild because they've suddenly got a bit of freedom

I was thinking the same @BauhausOfEliott. My DD’s in her third year and people have become more focused with every term that passes.

I went to Oxford in the 90s. Lorryloads of drugs around.

I find it amazing that people still want their kids to go to uni - why bother getting into fuck loads of debt for a, more often than not, shitty degree (unis are so strapped for cash many depts struggle to educate effectively) and on top of all that employers are waking up to the realisation that employment experience is often more valuable. A job with professional development opportunities is worth far more by comparison and you don’t come out owing 50 odd k!