Shocked at uni drug culture

[OneGreyCat]

AIBU to think this is concerning? DD is really struggling at uni and I’m not sure how worried I should be. She’s at a Russell Group, she’s doing well academically, has friends and is part of societies mainly hockey which she did at school too. She does go out and socialises but she isn’t a massive drinker and has never been into drugs. Which brings me to the issue…the main problem is the drug culture. It’s absolutely everywhere and she’s finding it overwhelming. The people she lives with openly take drugs, have friends over most nights, come back very late even on weeknights, and carry on partying, making noise and doing drugs in the house with strangers who she doesn’t know.

DD told me she doesn’t want to be a killjoy as she doesn’t want to be isolated but she’s exhausted and feels like she can’t escape it. She’s not someone who wants to stay in every night, but she also doesn’t want drugs to be the centre of everything. Has anyone else’s DC struggled with this side of uni life? Is this just something they have to put up with, or is it reasonable to think about reporting it ?

I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to dismiss how unhappy she is. It’s just such a shock to me because when I was at university lots of people smoked cannabis and we knew others were doing class a type drugs but it was a small pocket of people, DD says it’s everywhere for her.

My point!!

I think she may find that the peer pressure and overall roundness calms down a lot over time - the first term people tend to overcompensate to prove they are having fun. Just keep encouraging her to look for real friendships and not feel pressured into a lifestyle she doesn’t want to- it sounds like her flatmates aren’t her natural peeps so she should try and proactively meet others.

Because they want to train for professions that require degrees, often more than one. Three is a minimum for my job. There’s no way of becoming a doctor, say, other than by going to university.

@Blinkingbother I agree that some degrees may not lead to many career options. My DD is doing a STEM degree as she wants to work in an area that needs specialist scientific knowledge. She’ll need a graduate degree too. 🤷

Not always. Lots of degrees don't lead directly to professions.

I wonder though if drug taking is general across all courses or if there is more of it in certain courses. A PP has said that DD is on a course that would throw out drug users - would that be something like medicine or law?
Lots of my DCs friends are at uni and are not taking drugs and still having a great time. It's definitely possible!

That isn’t what I said, though. I was responding to a poster asking why parents still wanted their children to go to university. That’s one obvious reason. To train for something that can’t be done any other way. Other reasons are available.

I didn't go to uni but when I was late teens and twenties (20 years ago) every single party or night out I went on was full of people taking drugs. Every. Single. One.
Different social circles and types of people, different classes, work colleagues etc. I get pretty confused on here when people are disgusted and horrified at the thought of taking drugs. It was completely the norm in my younger days, and I'm pretty sure every parent of these people would swear blind their child wouldn't dream of it but they all were.
I used to be the only one who didn't take anything then eventually tried some when I was about 23.
I would suggest your daughter finds a way to move out, if like me you see it so much, even after years of saying no, she may eventually try some. Not that that would be the end of the world but its not good for her to get into.

I don’t know anyone who didn’t do drugs at university. And that was in the 80’s.

Sounds like we are in agreement then.

She just needs to find her circle.
For most people I know drugs were a normal part of uni life.

But not for me (sadly….).
I was in a group of students (mainly foreign) none of whom took drugs. Not even the odd joints.

I actually wish I had had more experience with the drugs and dance scene when I was young.

I think your daughter has had a culture shock. Drugs are rife everywhere these days no matter how many people on MN protest it doesn’t happen in their circles.

My ds went to LSE. There were lots of people who did drugs. DS never did (we are south Asian and raised him correctly). But there was no pressure whatsoever. Nobody would judge anyone for not drinking, not smoking or not doing drugs. DS was offered once and declined.

He drank a bit on nights out but never took any illegal substance, he was too scared of dieing.

Being “raised correctly” and taking drugs are not mutually exclusive.

I went to Bath in the 00s and drugs were everywhere.

So ywbu to say it's a new thing.

But yanbu to say that it is quite shocking tbh, especially as now people are paying £9k a year for the privilege of going to university, supposedly to get an education.

Drug users, even recreational ones, don't do their best work in the days after a big night. I'd not be happy with my kids if they took themselves off to uni and just did a tonne of drugs instead of working.

in the olden days it wasn't such a big deal, but the economy and job market is different now. Young people do not have the luxury of taking a few years off to do very little work and party a lot.

I have one at Bristol. She drinks a bit but doesn’t smoke or take drugs. She says some people take drugs but it really hasn’t affected her. In her group a couple smoke cannabis but that’s it. She still goes out a lot and is involved in various societies. But she certainly hasn’t felt it was ubiquitous.

In her halls of 40 there were only a handful taking anything significant. I think it might just be the luck of the draw. I would have her move accommodation if she is struggling.

I went to university in the 90s and I have never taken one drug or smoked one cigarette. I didn’t drink either. I still had lots of friends and went out. It’s not impossible!

They really weren’t. I was at an RG uni in the 90s and drug taking was a pretty fringe activity amongst my immediate and wider friendship groups. A very small number of people would take the odd E. or a bit of speed, but is was definitely the exception not the rule. We all drank hideous amounts of cheap booze, mind.

I love how naive MN is 🤣

When I was at university, it was the kids from the stereotypical MN nice middle class families who did the most drugs and partied the hardest. Always the ones doing the sensible degrees like law.

Mummy and daddy dearest would visit after the holidays to drop them off food, etc and it would be so funny if I was around or bumped into them seeing their two completely different lives. At home, they’re a prim and proper choir boy but at university they’re a top shagger, well known for taking and dealing every drug known to man.

Mummy would definitely be on MN when she got home: “my little darling is staunchly against alcohol and drugs, we’ve just visited him and he has such lovely, well mannered friends” - yeah, you should pop back in a couple of hours love, see what he’s really like!

No it's not remotely reasonable to consider 'reporting' it.

Other people's lives and how they socialise are their business. These people are complete strangers to you. And they are adults.

It's a shame your daughter thinks her flatmates party too much. But you sound like you've lost all sense of reason on the subject. What you described is totally normal for young people. Not just uni students.

Absolutely. I was raised in a strictly Catholic household by teetotal parents. I’ve still done my share of hellraising. My parents, obviously, had no idea because they weren’t there. I also got a double first.

She should move if she's not happy there - and I wouldn't be either. Always select "quiet" on the accommodation options. If she finds the current housemates too bad and really doesn't like it then she could always ask for a move and say they're a bit noisy (doesn't need to mention drugs etc).

That was my other point. I had a lot of “South Asian” friends who were “raised correctly” who when away from community eyes did their fair share of hellraising.

I am sure their parents are nonethewiser.

I did teach that drugs are a big no no. DS admitted to me that he was tempted once. He was feeling a lot of FOMO but resisted the temptation. I did make him promise not to do drugs. And he hasn't because he's too scared of becoming a drug death.

Yeah. Sure.

RG is irrelevant. Bristol has one of the worst reps especially in certain halls that you wouldn’t ’expect’ it to be in, but it is.

Edit to add: sorry, I shouldn’t put that forward without proper statistics, I’m just going by what my uni dds hear. It’s not proven.