Shocked at uni drug culture

[OneGreyCat]

AIBU to think this is concerning? DD is really struggling at uni and I’m not sure how worried I should be. She’s at a Russell Group, she’s doing well academically, has friends and is part of societies mainly hockey which she did at school too. She does go out and socialises but she isn’t a massive drinker and has never been into drugs. Which brings me to the issue…the main problem is the drug culture. It’s absolutely everywhere and she’s finding it overwhelming. The people she lives with openly take drugs, have friends over most nights, come back very late even on weeknights, and carry on partying, making noise and doing drugs in the house with strangers who she doesn’t know.

DD told me she doesn’t want to be a killjoy as she doesn’t want to be isolated but she’s exhausted and feels like she can’t escape it. She’s not someone who wants to stay in every night, but she also doesn’t want drugs to be the centre of everything. Has anyone else’s DC struggled with this side of uni life? Is this just something they have to put up with, or is it reasonable to think about reporting it ?

I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to dismiss how unhappy she is. It’s just such a shock to me because when I was at university lots of people smoked cannabis and we knew others were doing class a type drugs but it was a small pocket of people, DD says it’s everywhere for her.

What drugs are you talking about? Weed and ecstasy? Totally common, huge part of uni culture when I was there 27 years ago, as well as heavy drinking. Most people calm down on them by mid year and she will find her people in time. Most dealers will be older uni students, not hardened criminals. If you're talking about harder drugs like cocaine, ketamine etc that would be a bit more worrying but it doesn't sound like she's interested in trying them anyway.

I went to uni in the mid-late 90s, also RG (not that it makes any difference). Drug taking was rife then. My closest pals and I didn't take E, though we did on occasion get drunker than was sensible and I twice smoked a spliff. I only drank for the first time at university because I didn't want to be sat there stone cold sober one whilst my friends were as drunk as lords.

I think it's more ridiculous that some drugs are illegal personally

I was thinking the same. RG = more likely to be the presence of drugs in my experience.

Like others, I went to a university in a large city well known for its nightlife, and there was a significant drug scene, mainly among the upper middle class students. However at large universities there is a degree of diversity in the student body, and you absolutely can find your people. I'd contact the accommodation office and request a swap. A good number of people drop out during term one and she may be able to transfer without penalty into an accommodation vacancy created by a leaver if moving from one university managed accommodation to another.

Weirdly I live in one of the well-known party cities and drug use, weed aside, is not at all in the local sixth form colleges. I blame the more money than sense incoming southerners .

I went to a RG university in the late 90s and saw zero drugs. I’m sure they were around but it was so not my vibe. Actually I do remember one boy on my course took drugs (not in my presence) and I avoided him like the plague. I just hated drugs. Still do.

Well they are illegal for a reason. Weed should be illegal just for the pure smell of it!

I’m genuinely confused about the prevalence though. I would have reported anyone in my halls if they were dealing/taking drugs.

There is no chance I would have felt comfortable in shared accommodation with anyone involved in drugs at all.

Im clearly super square. Just hate the drugs chain and the harm it causes nationally and internationally.

It sounds like she is really unlucky to be in a party flat and it's so in her face in the communal areas. There were plenty of drugs around when I was at uni in the late-90s, but people were generally reasonably subtle about it/ keep it to individual rooms/ go to the loos etc unless it was a big party house where everyone was into it.

Is it that big a deal for her if she cuts her losses and tries to find another flat? She won't be the only person who can't cope with those sorts of hours - she doesn't have to say its drugs, just that the noise is too much for her. It sounds like she's got other friends and has just been unlucky in her flatmates.

I finished uni in 2005. All of the halls had dealers, mostly pills, mushrooms, weed and ketsmine. Nobody could really afford coke.

It was pretty common to do pills once or twice a week. At 6th form loads of people smoked week or that minging hash that burned holes through your clothes.

Friends at other unis were the same when I visited, it was completely normalised.

Im now in my 40s and don’t do anything like that anymore, but at uni it didn’t seem like a big deal. I have no idea how we’d go out on a Tuesday, do pills, smoke a few joints and have a kebab at around 7am, then go straight to a lecture on no sleep 😂

I'm assuming she's in first year. It's not uncommon to just end up in accommodation with the wrong crowd and find you are the party person among the studious group or vice versa. She should request a move. She'll be fine when she finds her crowd.

I'm curious about where they find the money for all these expensive habits.

I think you need to stop worrying about your dd. Sounds like she's got her head screwed on. She's talking to you about it. She's probably not going to do drugs. Plenty of people don't.

I think you needs to wise up a little. Partying is normal amongst the young. Whether alcohol or drugs. As long as she knows the health risks of both leave her to make her own decisions.

You've got a long time to be boring and responsible. Nice to live a little.

No, they weren't.

You really are. You'd have ended up living on your own if you'd carried on like that. Ick.

She should approach uni and ask for a transfer. She can say she really doesn't fit in and would like a quieter flat. They will try to help her to avoid her dropping out.

DD2 had a similar experience. Her flat was the ecstacy flat, upstairs was the coke flat. It was constant. She didnt enjoy her first year flat. Her flatmates were on a constant bender. It made them deeply unpleasant, didnt clean, stole food, used DD's cutlery etc then put it back without washing it (DD didnt realise initially).

Funnily enough her druggy flatmates didnt make it to the second year of their courses.

Students are sold the idea that their first year flat will be amazing and they will make lots of friends. Some do, some dont.

It won't be everyone and everywhere, it just seems that way to her because its in her flat. I'm going to assume she's first year in halls so has just been thrown with some randoms. I think some can go a bit wild, especially first year, first term. But she needs to find her own friends who enjoy the pace she does and then hang out with them more. If she's finding it unbearable, she could see if she could move halls maybe? Do any of her friends have a space in their house/halls or know of anyone who's left?

Totally normal at uni for some people to be out every night. I can think of half a dozen people from my halls/ circle who would go out literally EVERY night.

I went out anywhere from 0 to 5 nights a week, depending on time of year, finances, how sociable I was feeling…

Drugs were also pretty common, and were from about 16 onwards. Mostly weed and ketamine, but obviously anything/everything goes at that age. MDMA and Coke tended to be for special occasions….

I didn’t really bother with drugs as had a precarious grip on my mental health, and was very aware of that from about 15- didn’t want to tip myself over the edge. We were ALL drinking extraordinary amounts though. I look back and am slightly amazed we’re not all dead.

So all of this sounds totally normal- but if your DD is finding it tiresome/ disruptive, she needs to decide if it’s bothering her ENOUGH that she wants to find a new circle / new halls etc. From memory- and this is the distant past- she might find accommodation with international students or more postgrads a bit quieter (my friends certainly did), but that will come with its own challenges.

((also went to an RG uni 😉))

But I didn’t live on my own. I had lots of friends. Drugs were not “everywhere” and I think a lot of people I knew felt as anti drugs as I did.

People who don’t take drugs are boring. Bloody hell.

The most boring people I’ve met in my adult life have been the drugs/heavy drinking people.

Wasn’t like that at my uni 2013-17. The only people doing that were the football team and they were all wankers.

My friend's DD is at one of the unis in Brighton. She is in first year and the partying was expected - most weekends and some weeknights. But running out of money helps to temper such all nighters!

One of their dorm mates smokes weed and has a dealer who visits which my friend is not happy about. Her DD says she has tried it but isn't particularly invested (may be a fib but she is a sensible girl achieving her grades with a job alongside her study).

If this is first term/year it may calm down a bit. But if the DD finds it a bit much she can ask to swap to somewhere else if a better option is available.

It’s cheaper than alcohol apparently. People who are saying there were drugs when we were at university in the 90s are missing the point. Drug use is much more widespread now. Lots of students will opt for drugs over alcohol for cost reasons. That was not the case in the 90s.

It’s also much more normalised now. My department sent a student who was on a field trip abroad back home because they were having drugs delivered to the accommodation they were sharing with other students, and those students weren’t happy about drug dealers turning up at their flat. Apparently (according to both the drug-ordering student’s parents and the university) we were totally wrong to do this as taking drugs is normal, even though it was very much illegal in the foreign country the students were in at the time.

I’d like to know what the relationship is between the mental health crisis we’re seeing in students and their drug use, because it seems to me - as someone who works in a student-facing role - that this is very much the elephant in the room.

Does she go to Bristol?