Shocked at uni drug culture

[OneGreyCat]

AIBU to think this is concerning? DD is really struggling at uni and I’m not sure how worried I should be. She’s at a Russell Group, she’s doing well academically, has friends and is part of societies mainly hockey which she did at school too. She does go out and socialises but she isn’t a massive drinker and has never been into drugs. Which brings me to the issue…the main problem is the drug culture. It’s absolutely everywhere and she’s finding it overwhelming. The people she lives with openly take drugs, have friends over most nights, come back very late even on weeknights, and carry on partying, making noise and doing drugs in the house with strangers who she doesn’t know.

DD told me she doesn’t want to be a killjoy as she doesn’t want to be isolated but she’s exhausted and feels like she can’t escape it. She’s not someone who wants to stay in every night, but she also doesn’t want drugs to be the centre of everything. Has anyone else’s DC struggled with this side of uni life? Is this just something they have to put up with, or is it reasonable to think about reporting it ?

I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to dismiss how unhappy she is. It’s just such a shock to me because when I was at university lots of people smoked cannabis and we knew others were doing class a type drugs but it was a small pocket of people, DD says it’s everywhere for her.

I went to an RG in a druggy city but none of my friends were into it so while it's common, it's not uniquitous and there are plenty of people who don't use. Sounds like she needs move out and find people who are more her crowd, they definitely do exist.

Also is it normal that they go to parties/out drinking heavily 5/6 times a week?

Yes, it's normal. That's not to say that every student does that - of course they don't - but it's well within the normal range of student behaviour. There will be groups of students who don't do this at all, and groups who do. Both are normal.

It sounds as if she's living with people she's not especially compatible with. If they're in halls and these were just the flat mates she was allocated, that's unfortunate, but you say she's living with other people instead next year so presumably they're people she's more compatible with.

I would also say that if this is her first term at uni, it's possible things might settle down a bit over the rest of the year. The first term is when everyone's finding their feet and going wild because they've suddenly got a bit of freedom after being overprotected by middle-class helicopter parents throughout their teens and things usually do ease off a bit after that.

Yup.

It sounds like she needs to chat to student welfare about needing a quieter group, hopefully they can support her to talk to student accommodation to make a move

It is truly shocking.
All she can do is socialise more with tbose who don't use.
It is possible.
But it can be intimidating with new friends and housemates.

I’m afraid that’s the way it is, going to a Russell Group uni is irrelevant, my son also went to one and that is just the culture as it was in my day late 80s/early 90s. Your daughter sounds sensible and not easily swayed, she should ask if she can move accommodation and make sure next year she shares with likeminded peers.

It isn’t just cannabis which she would be more fine with as people she went to school with smoked it and while it’s not for her it doesn’t seem as ‘dangerous’ as cocaine and ketamine which are prominent in her flat. DD doesn’t want to live in a ‘quiet’ halls as she likes to go to the pub, occasionally the club and enjoys drinking. Except the type of drinking that ends at 1am with some food, rather than loudly going until the early morning with hard class a drugs.

I don’t want to say which uni but it’s in the south.

As they’re illegal I don’t understand how they are done so openly, DD says some of her flat talk about ‘doing a line’ as casually as going for a drink. She also doesn’t mind what they do on a night out but feels uncomfortable with heavy drugs on display in the flat with strangers including drug dealers over 24/7 until the early hours of the morning. She doesn’t want to report them as she doesn’t want to be a ‘snitch’, while I personally feel as if she should report them I have to respect her wishes.

She might need to move accommodation. There are druggie halls at some unis where most of the parties are.

What do you want to happen?

Your DD can report.
Your DD can ask to move.
Your DD can stay put.

There is no point focusing on being shocked, it won't change anything.

Drugs were everywhere when I was at uni (2010ish). It was quite useful - I tried most things in moderation, with friends, and as soon as I finished uni it all stopped and we grew up. We were safe and looked after each other, I know that’s not always the case. I wouldn’t dream of doing any now! But I know lots of people my age (mid 30s) who go out every weekend and get plastered on drugs, spending stupid amounts of money… I’m glad I did it and got over it when I was young and childless! I feel like that’s much more appropriate.
You could see if you daughter could switch rooms, but reporting it would be fairly pointless - it’s everywhere in any uni. It sounds like she’s made the wrong group of friends? Not everybody is so ‘hardcore’ with parties and drugs, she just needs to find her people!

She can ask them to calm it down a bit as she shares a home. I don’t know if she really wants to go down the route of getting all her flatmates kicked out / arrested. Seems an extreme and a recipe for disaster unless she also wants to leave uni.

Absolutely. Nothing more boring than some Coked up jabbering moron. I ended up leaving uni because I couldn't cope with my housemates. In hindsight I was very naive and not really ready to leave home. I thought everyone else was far more 'worldly ' but they were mostly off their faces. I started again after a year out and loved it and didnt see many drug takers- and that was in the 90's

OP when we have been visiting units a lot said c they have quiet halls. Can your DD enquire about this?

What year is she in? I'm struggling to see how any one can get themselves into a situation like this when ALL universities have quiet flats, non alcohol flats etc in first year halls, as well as accomodation offices, and you can live with who you want/have things in common with in subsequent years.

University in general does have a massive party culture, if course, was ever thus, but they also have multiple options for all kinds of different people, that's kind of the point. It is in now way EVERYONE who takes drugs at university or even drinks.

That said, I think some universities have a much bigger party/alcohol/drug scene than others (is she at Leeds?). Even still, it should be perfectly possible to speak to the housing officers in first year and live with like minded people, or choose like minded people for subsequent years.

My son is in third year at a RG and drinks a bit, but not heavily, and is v anti drugs and into fitness and it's never been a problem.

Were they? There was one girl on our corridor who did ecstacy and everyone knew about it and were quite shocked, she also disappeared for a few weeks with a band..no one I knew did drugs, everyone got drunk in cider. This was what is now a Russel group uni

Everyone at my RG uni (Edinburgh), as well as friends at other unis some not even RG!) THAT I KNEW was massively into the rave scene in the 90s, but I'm sure there were plenty of people who weren't into that scene. I can't believe every student in her year, including international students, Muslims, students that live at home etc are all the same.

Dd is in halls that are nothing like that. Maybe because most of them are on a course where they’d lose their place if found to use drugs. But they’re just nice people who study hard maybe go out Friday and Saturday but don’t keep the others awake. Why not ask to move to a quieter hall?

It sounds like she’s found herself in a party minded flat / accommodation. There will be social groups around that dont have that. She may need to slightly shift her social circles to move into one Thats she’s more comfortable with.

It’s also worth having a chat with student welfare, there may well be a way to move accommodation without penalties if this is the issue.

We used to go out up to 5 times a week as minimum it was probably Mon-Weds and then whatever else’s was happening. So I would say it is very normal. Less likely to go out at the weekend than in the week. My group were mostly drinkers though and not drugs but in terms of the times 1am was an early night. One of my housemates regularly did coke and on the odd occasion we took pills very very easy to get hold of. Between the 6 people in my house I would say someone was out every night apart from Sunday. In first year I lived with someone who basically failed first year because he was so stoned all the time and need up basically being nocturnal

^
exactly this.

Doped up, random strangers in the flat could post all sorts of dangers. I’d be looking into getting your daughter moved, if at all possible, OP.

And I’m 😮that people are so relaxed about drug use! I’m glad to have led a sheltered life in that respect.

There was lots of drinking and some drugs when I went to uni. Besides all that I found it utterly draining and uncomfortable living in a house with uni friends. I felt like I could never "switch off", didn't feel I had enough privacy, and too many people coming and going. I enjoyed going out about once a week, but 2-3 times (which was the norm) was exhausting and it was hard to escape it without socially excluding yourself.

Maybe it's the drugs, but maybe it's just the heavy emphasis on socialising which isn't for everyone.

This happened to my daughter

She has moved on in her second and third year andvit has been much better

💐It is awful when you live with it all around you. ☹️

I was at Leeds in the mid 90s.. in first year I went out every night, even in 2nd / 3rd year when I was in a shared house we were out 4 nights a week.
lots of booze, and weed .. the worst decison I made were powered by alcohol not drugs
TBH I took more drugs in my home town before I went to Uni .. but it was all rave culture

there are people in her kitchen doing drugs and blasting music until 3/4/5am.

Fucking selfish.

But OP, drugs have been part of uni life since the 1970's. I was in Oxford - not at the university - then and students were taking cocaine then too. Nothing like that awful industry is now. It was niche then.

God knows where they got it from. LSD was the big thing then.

This is fairly normal for students. It was when l was at uni.

The drugs are what’s keeping them awake all night to have parties. I never went to bed before 6.00am for most of my Saturday nights.