To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

Oh leave her alone and let her be with her friends. I always used to spend late afternoon/xmas evening with friends at that age. I wouldn’t have an issue if one of my teens decided to do the same. I love seeing them have a full and happy social life especially at this time of year.

If you continue to be this controlling and inflexible now you may find when she a fully fledged adult that she’s not bothered about spending any of Christmas Day with you!

Christmas Day is boring, I don't know why it's that big a deal that she'd rather go out and as you mention a dh it's not like you'll be alone if she goes.

It's not her job to make you happy. The fact that you aren't happy, frankly, isn't her problem.

She's 18. She's an adult. You can't ground her on Christmas, or any other, day for that matter.

Much better to just let her go and enjoy herself, than to have a miserable grumpy teenager in the house spoiling everyone's enjoyment!

She's 18. She should be at liberty to go wherever she wants without having to run it past you first. Just be careful you don't create a situation where she feels the need to lie about it.

It wouldn't bother me if she wanted to go to a nightclub in the evening and it would be up to her to sort out and pay for transport but I'd probably question why she needed to go at 2. Can't you eat Xmas dinner together and she goes afterwards?

Oo a tough one.
When I was 20-26ish I used to meet my friend in a pub at 10pm and then we’d go for a few drinks in some bars. But my family stuff was over and done with by 9pm so it was no big deal.
But the fact she wants to go at 2pm and miss Christmas dinner and the majority of the day? Nooo I wouldn’t like that. Why do her and her friends have to go so early?
But at 18, I don’t really know what you can do to stop her?

She’s either clueless or bullshiting. Ask her what club it is and google it. Club nights are massive, but never heard of one on Christmas Day.

You’re her mother, not her jailer. She’s an adult and she wants to go out, surely that’s her decision?

A) Yes they do, when did you last go clubbing?
B) Pre drinks at your mates then in the pub where it's cheaper before you go to the club at 10/11 ish

It's not "fishy" at all, Mumsnetters always want to make a fucking conspiracy out of everything. God forbid an 18 year old want to hang out with her mates on Christmas, that's completely unrealistic, she must be in with the swedish mafia or something.

She's 18 OP, this is just one of those things, let her spread her wings. She'll have the morning with you still.

She'll have more fun out with her mates than hanging about at home once everyone's lolling around full of food and drink

Unless you live in a multi cultural area it will be hard to get taxis and so on Christmas Day.

I’d ask her to compromise and leave after Christmas dinner, which you could also compromise with by bringing forward a little?
Don’t see what harm her being out in the evening will do, she’s young she should be having fun

It's hard to know how to respond isn't it, because she is grown up (just) so you can't tell her what to do. You can say it would mean a lot to you to have her there for Christmas dinner and could she please arrange to go out from 5 or 6 pm instead of 2pm. Basically she's telling you that she has a life without you and it might go better if your tone of voice shows that you recognise that.

These responses are nuts. You get to be pissed off that 2 days before your daughter is cancelling the Christmas plans to do what she wants unnecessarily. Go out with her friends fine but not from 2pm missing the main event!

I'd make the Christmas dinner a bit earlier so she can line her stomach! I'm surprised that any club is open on CD, but anyway. I think generally if you let them free, they come back to you.

She's an adult, so I don't think you have any right to stop her spending Christmas Day however she chooses, really.

She’s 18, I should imagine spending the day with her family and siblings would be boring for her, life’s for living at that age, and she’s 18 so not really a lot you can do about it.

i really don’t understand all these people saying you are unreasonable, she is 18 and an adult yes but if she is living in your home, then there are certain days that are non negotiable, I have two adult teenagers and they both know Xmas day is spent with family, I would reconsider if they had long term partners, as it is mine are seeing there partners on Boxing Day. We will also have a family meal another with the partners. It is one day a year, I’m sure your daughter should make the effort

Whatever er about her rights at 18, I can’t blame this young woman’s mother for not being enthusiastic about her plan. Doesn’t OP also have rights, at least to her own reactions?

(Im surprised the daughter has other clubbing pals whose parents are also laid back about a 2pm departure from a family Christmas (that’s assuming there is one, of course. I guess it’s a bit different if GPs, loose aunts etc, aren’t coming)

Big of you to reconsider where your adult children should spend Christmas if they got long term partners. What if they wanted to go away or spend it with friends?

I have no idea how you mandate this. I went travelling at 19yrs and didn't give my Mum the option but also that level of micro managing is ridiculous. Do they get to make any Christmas plans that don't need your approval first?

why thank you, my children enjoy spending time together as a family so I think maybe that helps, yours may not? and I think it’s a question of respect for your parents, I have to say my large friendship group is the same.

Round our area clubs have started running 2 -8 pm sessions for those who can't do late nights any more but I doubt it's one of those she is going to.

This is 100% not true. I worked in clubs and bars for a number of years and none of them open. Christmas Eve is mental but not the 25th.

I knew nightclubs open on Christmas night. Maybe I'm not as stuck in the dark ages as I imagine!

@StrawberryCreamField Sorry if I'm being dense but if the nightclub isn't opening untill around 11pm then why does DD want to go out around 2 and where is she planning to hang around for 9 hours on Christmas day?

Of course if they are travelling or studying abroad which one of mine did, that’s quite different, but to go out with mates at 2pm on Xmas day is quite different !