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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

587 replies

StrawberryCreamField · 23/12/2025 14:26

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 27/12/2025 08:45

vanillalattes · 26/12/2025 21:54

She may have been more willing to provide that information if she felt listened to and respected, is the point I’m trying to make.

And no, I’m not being argumentative - I just remember being 18 and not all that fussed about a nice “family Christmas”.

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This. "Will you be able to get home ok because neither your Dad nor I will be able to pick you up? Give me a shout if you are going to be really late" Is NOT the same as " I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night."

Efacsen · 27/12/2025 08:58

Reallyohreally · 27/12/2025 08:25

Did she get home ok OP?

There were some pretty hostile and unpleasant posts aimed at the OP a couple of days ago so maybe don't expect her to be back with any updates

,

NoisyViewer · 27/12/2025 09:01

You have to let go. She’s now an adult can make her own decisions. You can have house rules but I’m sure that saying she has a curfew etc isn’t something you plan on sticking to

whatsupwithmyhead · 27/12/2025 09:20

tilypu · 27/12/2025 08:08

So not Blackpool then?

I've had similar experiences where I live. But on Christmas Day this year there was no issue with availability or waiting time.

On boxing day, after that person said that Blackpool is different (still waiting to hear how) I looked at availability around me, and at a random Blackpool postcode. There was 8 cars near me. There were 7 in Blackpool. That doesn't seem massively different to me.

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I don’t think they were trying to say Blackpool was uniquely different, just that experiences vary from one place to the next.

I’m generally much less trusting of my ability to “just get an uber” after a few bad experiences, I would not have felt confident as the OP that her daughter would be able to get one in the early hours of Boxing Day morning.

Sassylovesbooks · 27/12/2025 09:22

Unfortunately just because a person turns 18, it doesn't suddenly make them mature, considerate or responsible! The OP's daughter refused to compromise, flounced off, refused to engage regarding transport home and became angry. None of that is the behaviour of a mature, considerate or responsible adult! Oh and then still expected her Mum to pick her up at stupid o'clock! In my younger days, when mobile phones didn't exist, I would use the pay phone in the lobby of a club, to call home to say I'd be later than planned/wasn't coming home/transport arrangements had changed. I knew my Mum worried, and although it was a pain in the arse, I still let her know. As a Mum myself, I hope when the time comes, my son will give me the same thought. I wouldn't expect my son to stay home for the entirety of Christmas Day, but I would expect Christmas lunch at the very least, unless he was spending it at a girlfriend's house that year.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/12/2025 11:12

What happened, @StrawberryCreamField ?

Oldwmn · 27/12/2025 11:26

SleeplessInWherever · 26/12/2025 20:58

I’m a grown woman, and when I travel to see family I stay at my mums.

I still, to this day, tell her “I’m going for coffee with whoever, I’ll be back at around x time, I don’t need food so eat without me.”

I just think it’s polite and courteous, and not oppressive at all.

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This the real point isn't it? I wish OP would update. I'm quite worried about her DD now...

Efacsen · 27/12/2025 11:39

Oldwmn · 27/12/2025 11:26

This the real point isn't it? I wish OP would update. I'm quite worried about her DD now...

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As I said upthread - some posters were being pretty mean and hostile to the OP a couple of evenings ago - I'd be surprised if she came back to update after all that

Oldwmn · 27/12/2025 13:33

Efacsen · 27/12/2025 11:39

As I said upthread - some posters were being pretty mean and hostile to the OP a couple of evenings ago - I'd be surprised if she came back to update after all that

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It's really sad, isn't it? I've survived the turbulence of young adulthood but when this sort of thing happened, I wouldn't sleep until she got home. I wouldn't have thrown a wobbler about being home for Xmas lunch though even if I was disappointed - I was young once!
My brother lived at home for a while during his late 30s - early 40s. He was always complaining that our parents were always interfering with his life. The reality was that they never knew when he was going to be in, they had to field a ton of phonecalls from people etc etc - he was treating it like a hotel with his parents for staff!
Anyway, I hope her DD turns up ok. It's difficult to tell whether she was simply going out with friends or Up to No Good - this could have been knocked on the head with a bit of clarity - most teenagers learn this much earlier, a little bit of truth can take you a long way 😉

Jovilady22 · 27/12/2025 15:37

Just read the whole thread and want to know what happened

Sharpzebra · 29/12/2025 01:42

Millytante · 26/12/2025 21:37

If she’s so very adult, she’d have understood, without needing WW3 to erupt, that her mum was at least owed reassurance about where she’d be and how she’d be getting home, on such a night abd having already disappointed her regarding the family meal. .
As things were left, after a pretty disheartening Christmas Day OP had to remain alert and on guard for a call in case Madam required picking up. That could have been at any time right up to breakfast time.
We may suddenly morph into adults on the day of our 18th, but that milestone brings with it more rather than fewer responsibilities to others, not least concern about their worries on our behalf, no matter how unfounded they might be. We've a right to our privacy, but we can still behave well.

Acting like an oblivious toddler isn’t really on any more, even if that’s the usual MO of our dad.

Mr OP should be hung out on the line by clothes pegs attached to his nipples for his behaviour to OP.
Aiding and abetting sketchily arranged teenage escapades as he did make him the parent responsible for ensuring they are safely concluded. What an utter tosser.

If I were OP I’d be considering fecking off to a remote and far distant AirBnB for a week, and leaving the pair of them at it. (Orkney, for example)

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Still the legal age of a adult love regardless

TrickorTreacle · 29/12/2025 10:59

Any update @StrawberryCreamField

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