To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

Yup. How much respect does the OP show by saying this
" I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night"

On Christmas Day? Because that is a little different. You don’t know she nagged or how many times she asked, but when it seems unlikely the stated plans are true and there’s no exit strategy I’d be concerned too and asking for clarification - and not just from a (barely) adult teen, but from any adult I cared about.

That seems totally normal to me - if followed by a discussion that involved a bit of compromise.

Yep. OP's actions just scream "I don't trust you" and most 18yo's are not going to respond well to that.

Now, it may be that there's a good reason for that, but at some point, you have to let your kids go and trust that you've done a good job.

It’s all very well people saying “she can just get a taxi or an uber” …it was Christmas Day night, I expect the number operating would be very low and very expensive

I got two Uber's yesterday. One in the morning and one at night. There were plenty operating, and the fare charged was normal (actually the fare for the first journey was lower than usual). A taxi would have been double the usual fare, but the Uber's were cheaper than I expected.

Is that point 2 weeks after their 18th birthday on a dodgy plan late at night and all day Christmas Day? My gut tells me no.

Were you in Blackpool where the OP's daughter is? It is a very different picture in most parts of the country.

Why not? It's as good as time as any, surely?

I think most people can accept their mum wanting to have Christmas dinner with them.

She’s just turned 18, still lives at home and is presumably still dependent on her parents. By my book, that means she still answers to them. If you don’t want that - move out and be fully independent.

I guess I just don’t agree that living at home at 18 means you always have to answer to your parents - it sounds horribly unhealthy all round.

I’m a grown woman, and when I travel to see family I stay at my mums.

I still, to this day, tell her “I’m going for coffee with whoever, I’ll be back at around x time, I don’t need food so eat without me.”

I just think it’s polite and courteous, and not oppressive at all.

God what a miserable sounding Xmas. Your DH telling you what to do, you telling your adult daughter what to do... It all just sounds like you all hate each other.

If she’s so very adult, she’d have understood, without needing WW3 to erupt, that her mum was at least owed reassurance about where she’d be and how she’d be getting home, on such a night abd having already disappointed her regarding the family meal. .
As things were left, after a pretty disheartening Christmas Day OP had to remain alert and on guard for a call in case Madam required picking up. That could have been at any time right up to breakfast time.
We may suddenly morph into adults on the day of our 18th, but that milestone brings with it more rather than fewer responsibilities to others, not least concern about their worries on our behalf, no matter how unfounded they might be. We've a right to our privacy, but we can still behave well.

Acting like an oblivious toddler isn’t really on any more, even if that’s the usual MO of our dad.

Mr OP should be hung out on the line by clothes pegs attached to his nipples for his behaviour to OP.
Aiding and abetting sketchily arranged teenage escapades as he did make him the parent responsible for ensuring they are safely concluded. What an utter tosser.

If I were OP I’d be considering fecking off to a remote and far distant AirBnB for a week, and leaving the pair of them at it. (Orkney, for example)

No, it’s not. And I don’t believe you genuinely think it’s ok to storm off on Christmas Day with no plan and no consultation with the people you live with because ‘respect’. You are being argumentative on purpose I think.

Always? Maybe not. Christmas Day? Probably.
It’s not really ‘answering to’ to have some sort of dialogue about time leaving, time home, who/where with, how you are getting there and back etc.

She may have been more willing to provide that information if she felt listened to and respected, is the point I’m trying to make.

And no, I’m not being argumentative - I just remember being 18 and not all that fussed about a nice “family Christmas”.

What's so different about Blackpool with regards to Uber availability?

Genuine question.

Not be8ng fussed and being childishly rude are two different things.

Very little I’d imagine. I got an Uber from my sister’s house last Christmas, and last New Year. Both came fairly quick and charged the same price as usual.

She lives in Billingham. Most people would have to Google that to even know where it is.

She lives in Billingham. Most people would have to Google that to even know where it is

I'm no exception. My first reaction was 'ooh, I know where that is! It's in Kent'.

Then I realised that's Gillingham with a G.

Exactly and it’s just out of love and respect . Even in forties having not lived at home for twenty odd years my mum would sit up til I came in in the evening when I was visiting her.

So what was the outcome?

To give you an idea, I tried to get an Uber recently around 11pm on a weekend in a city centre of another town and had to wait 35 minutes, and ended up getting a bus because it took so long and two Ubers ended up cancelling. There were few cars available and loads of demand. I regularly wait 15 minutes to even get a ride on a good day.

So not Blackpool then?

I've had similar experiences where I live. But on Christmas Day this year there was no issue with availability or waiting time.

On boxing day, after that person said that Blackpool is different (still waiting to hear how) I looked at availability around me, and at a random Blackpool postcode. There was 8 cars near me. There were 7 in Blackpool. That doesn't seem massively different to me.

Did she get home ok OP?