To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

Blimey, if I’d suggested age 18 that I wanted to go out on Christmas Day my mum would have made me feel so guilty that it wouldn’t have been worth it or enjoyable at all! Starting to realise how fucked up my childhood/teenage years were!

@StrawberryCreamField who is she saying she is going with? To me this is the important question and not seen you answer (and if she has told you).

I would be concerned over her meeting a man hence not booking a taxi.

Night clubs were I am open Christmas night

So what, though? If it’s not open, she’ll come back home or go somewhere else.

Same with the taxi - if she can’t get one, she’ll can’t get one.

Why are those particular sticking points?

Perhaps, she’ll take an Uber.

Your DH is fine with it so if she does get stranded, will he pick her up?

But again, it doesn't matter whether you're okay with it or not, because she's 18 now and can do as she chooses. I remember meeting my friends for drinks on Christmas Day at 18 - we had great fun.

Op, I am the oldest of 4 siblings and becoming an adult, still living at home was difficult for me and gradually much easier for my siblings turning 18, as I had to break the barriers first. I love my parents but this aspect of being an oldest daughter is something I'm still a bit resentful of.

I would 100% let her go out in the evening. Tell her to eat her Christmas dinner with you all to line her stomach first.

DD is also refusing to compromise and go out later.

She’s 18. She can ‘meet men’ if she chooses to. Elaborate taxi/club ruses are hardly necessary.

I’d google it and check she’s telling the truth. Who are the mates she’s going with? Do you like them? If so, let her crack on. My parents would never have allowed something like this and frankly it meant I left home at 18 and only went back for the odd long weekend since (including some christmases, but not all). If you want her to hang around and spent future christmases with you, let her be an adult and make her own decisions.

Again, why? How many hours does she have to "serve" before you think it's OK. Going out at 4pm... no. Going out at 5pm... yes? It's all so arbitrary. Just wait for her to say that she's going to stay at a mate's on Xmas Eve because you're making such a fuss.....

I also don’t feel ok with her not pre booking her taxis.

Why?

It’s the is the nightclub open/don’t know who going with and taxi situation I wouldn’t be happy with.
Even when they are 18 you worry.
If she was working as a waitress in a big hotel and taxis booked I’d be ok with that, some teens deliberately choose to work as it’s good money and tips.
Vague and no proper plan isn’t ok to me.

OP, you keep saying you're "not okay" with her plans but she's 18 years old. Whether you're "okay" with them or not isn't relevant. If she wants to spend her day with friends and go out for drinks or clubbing then that's her choice.

Are you struggling with her growing up in general?

You keep repeating the same points, OP. Are you taking on board any of the posters saying that she's 18, she's an adult, and she can do what she wants?

I also don’t feel ok with her not pre booking her taxis

But...why?! We never pre-booked a taxi when we went out. Ever. And that was the 90s/noughties. Sometimes we got one, sometimes we struggled. We figured it out.
Now most places have Ubers it's even less of an issue surely.

Is it that arbitrary? Sit down and eat dinner with us and then go off and do your own thing.

She has just turned 18. There was a post recently where a woman met a young man who was 18 (she believed he was older) and a lot of posters thought this was incredibly wrong that she had slept with him and should have checked his age more thoroughly.
While I agree she is an adult, she is still living under her parents roof. A fair compromise is going out at 5pm. If she was planning on going out with friends (and presumably not that many will have turned 18 yet so will be a limited number if going to a club where they are likely to be extra vigilant on ID) surely they could do something then rather than all afternoon and night.

Again, it's irrelevant whether you're okay with it or not.

Just make it very clear that you’ll have been drinking so won’t be able to come and collect her if there aren’t any taxis so they need to either pre-book or sort out someone else’s parent to do it. But otherwise, you just have to let her make her own mistakes. By 18 plenty of teenagers are living away from home at university and doing all kinds of daft things their mums probably wouldn’t approve of. They have to learn.

Ah those were the days. Clubbing on Christmas Day night after a day spent with family. YABU

Why, though?

This is the sort of question my parents could never answer with anything other than “because it’s what we do”.

A proper reason might convince her to stay. But I’m not sure there is one.

You can be not ok all your want she’s 18 a bloody adult.

So what if the nightclub is a lie that just means she knows she has to lie to you. Which is a bigger issue that she feels she can’t be honest with you.

again if she doesn’t want to do Christmas Day she’s 18

If she doesn’t want to pre book a taxi. She’s 18!

Also never had a problem getting a taxi Christmas Day.

And again SHES 18. SHES AN ADULT.

She could decide to go to a night club in NYC on christmas day and get a flight tomorrow.

There is nothing you should be able to do about it. Shes 18. Not 8.