To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

I would put my kid ( she’s only just 18) first and not drink. I wouldn’t cut my nose off to spite my face because DH had volunteered and then had a drink. I’d rather just be able to pick daughter up if needed. I would be absolutely furious with both of them though in fact I’d be furious ( but relieved) with both anyway even if she comes home in a taxi.

I think your greatest issue should be with dh tbh.

let’s hope dd keeps herself safe.

Hoping she gets home safe op. I’m surprised anyone else (her friends and other people generally) that want to go to a night club in Christmas Day. And from 2pm onwards to (and she left even earlier than that) something about her plans clearly doesn’t add up!
I’d be cross and upset to op. Especially as your dh was fine about her going but decided you would also be taxi if required.

If you give in to this you are well on the road to years of your DD needing you to ‘rescue’ her from situations into which she’s got herself. Set some boundaries now, go and get yourself a drink.

You are being very unreasonable. When I was that age, I wanted to be with my friends. Being with parents is boring when you’re 18. She is a grown adult and can do what she wants. You sound suffocating.

I hope she got back safely OP and you managed to have a nice Christmas Day despite the worry & your husbands behaviour.

Your husband is a selfish dickhead

She can call a taxi, or an Uber, or walk home, or ring a friend. Like you say, she’s 18 - many of us were living totally independently at that age, not being cosseted and relying on mummy for a lift home.

how will he stop you?

Exactly. I was living 100 miles away at uni at 18. My mummy and daddy weren't picking me up from nights out.

Just checking in to see if DD came home safely OP 🤞

@StrawberryCreamField any updates? Did she get home safely?

I dont think there's anything wrong with an 18 yo going clubbing on Christmas day ...shes an adult and fair enough she wants some fun with her friends.

I remember going clubbing on Christmas day but its around this age I think some young people grow up enough to start being a bit more appreciative of the effort their parents make..things like saying thank you for Christmas lunch and asking if there is anything they can do to help.

Would have been nice if the DD had compromised by having Christmas lunch / dinner at home before going out. I think the problem is these days that some young adults want to be treated as such but also to have the 'perks' of acting like a child when it suits...like storming off on Xmas day...thats just selfish.

except it sounds like the OP started it?

It's not about being mollycoddled....
You're not getting my point - it's dangerous out there, there are many people who are wrong in the head who do nasty things to young women

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

so…what? OP should just it up and give daughter lifts for ever more?? Yeah, no.

It’s really not that dangerous unless she’s going somewhere dangerous- and as an adult that’s a risk for her to manage.

I disagree with pretty much all of that. Being with family isn’t boring to me and never has been. She’s been an adult for two weeks and hasn’t taken on any of the responsibilities that earn the privilege yet. It’s not suffocating to expect a family member to eat Christmas Dinner with you if they live in your house. Or to expect another member of your household (whatever age) to let you know where they are going and when they’ll be back - for younger ones knowing who with is nice too - that’s just courtesy.

Wow.... In my opinion, it's making sure your child is safe!
Your child doesn't stop being your child just because they turn 18 years old..your duty if care doesn't stop because your child is technically an adult and in this case a thoughtless arsehole.
Would you not be concerned about your 18 year old being out with no knowledge of anything that they're doing?

She's 18, just turned.
Yes technically she's an adult but she's not really. What life experience does she have? How does she know what to do in certain situations?
Yes she'll soon learn but at what cost?

Kidnap, rape, torture..... These things happen.

I'm stunned at the amount of people lacking in duty of care of the safety of their children, regardless of whether they're 18 or not.

If I needed her at 18, my mum would have been there and that's not her being a doormat. She was making sure her daughter was safe.

And OP doesn't know if she's anywhere dangerous or safe.

If my feelings are correct, I hope DD is in a safe place with people she knows and trusts

Kidnap, rape and torture are not at all likely on a night out. And a night out is not the most likely time for those things to happen.

OP (or her husband) can still get to their DD if she needs them by getting an Uber themselves. What they can’t do is provide her with a free ride home.

She’s 18, she’s surely been out before now and developed some street smarts?

I would have done so too, and I was awake for single parent so it all fell to me. What my DD wouldn’t have done was go off in a strip before Christmas Lunch with no plan to get back so my whole day would be spoilt with having to worry and wonder if I’d have to go out in the early hours.
Loads of posters on here saying she’s an adult, you can’t ask her to stay in with her family etc etc but then she suddenly needs the boring olds because she needs rescue as well. If that’s the case she does need to negotiate her going out times so they are convenient for said rescue. You know, like an adult would.

I really hope your DD is home safe OP, parenting teens is hard sometimes

However you all need to change your ways for the new year, and I expect the way you and your DH parent and communicate have resulted in the way your DD has behaved this Christmas.

You sound quite controlling over your DD, you should never have said she couldn’t go out Christmas afternoon BUT you should have made it clear from the start that you would not be available for lifts and insisted she book taxis or arrange to stay over with a friend.

Your DH sounds quite controlling with you, he should never have offered your services for lifts and you should have stood up for yourself. If there is a reason you couldn’t do that your marriage is potentially abusive.

Time to set out age appropriate ground rules for your DD, if she wants to live at home she is not to assume you will be her personal chauffeur service, she needs to ask for lifts in advance and if you say no she needs to make sensible alternative arrangements. She doesn’t need permission to go out or need to tell you where she is but she does need to tell you if she’s going to be home later than normal or stay out, so you don’t worry.

So what do you propose - that OP should stay sober forever in case her 18yo needs a lift home?