To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

What do you mean he won't "let you"?

Don't be a wet lettuce. He can't stop you. What's he going to do if you have a drink?

Why is OP being badgered about having a drink when her 18 year old child is somewhere, anywhere with anyone and she may need to leave ASAP??

Would you honestly leave your 18 year old stranded?

If her 18yo is old enough to storm off and plan her own Christmas, she's old enough to get an Uber home or call a friend.

Would you honestly stand for your DH volunteering you for pickup and quickly necking beer to abdicate all responsibility when he agreed to this "plan" in the first place?

She's not on her own, clearly. If she and friends end up out all night until an Uber is free so be it.

What do you mean won’t let you? The more you say about DH this sounds like your main issue.
If you can’t pour yourself a drink in your own home without fear then you need to seek help.

I have a 19yo dd and I’d be a bit annoyed if she wanted to go out clubbing in Christmas Day but I wouldn’t say anything. As it is she’s here eating chocolate and watching telly with me!

When you say he has “had a drink”, how much has he drunk? Because if he has just had a couple of units there’s no reason he wouldn’t be fit to drive by the time pubs are kicking out if he stops now.

Honestly this whole situation sounds a little bit dysfunctional, with DD storming out to who knows where and DH refusing to take any responsibility for being available for her if she needs a pick up.

@Skybluepinky

yep, you’re right , it’s Christmas, so OP probs wants to relax, maybe have a drink, not play taxi for her adult daughter. It’s OP’s Christmas as well!

Daughter is well within her rights to go out, but she’s not entitled to a lift back from her mother on Christmas Day.

You all sounds dysfunctional to be honest.

I too would just leave if I was your daughter. It sounds like you’re a dog with a bone and just won’t let the subject go. She’s not some 12 year old you can dictate to what they do.

You need to get a back bone and tell your husband to do one and that he can’t dictate to you that you will be the one collecting your daughter.

Maybe if you hadn’t been so controlling and badgering to your daughter she would have been more open in conversation about her plans and asking for a lift rather than leaving you hanging.

OP, you really got a hard time unnecessarily on this thread. Both your DDs and DHs behaviour is not acceptable and I’m sorry your Christmas turned out like this. Fingers crossed DD arrives home safely!

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

taxis exist you know…

DH is definitely over the limit to drive unfortunately.

You really are determined to ensure you all have a miserable day

So? Your DD can get an uber or a taxi home.

It’s unreasonable to expect your daughter at 18 to abide by your must stay in rules. However!

1. you need to have a discussion with your daughter that she is responsible for getting herself home. She needs to be responsible if she wants to go out
2. You need to discuss boundaries with your DH. Why is it okay for him to have a drink Christmas Day but you MUST not because you might need to pick your daughter up! If he cares that much he would stay sober.

I used to do this many years ago - wish I still could! I understand you'd like her to stay home but if she's been with you all day then why not?

I would stay up ( or go to bed with my phone)and not drink ( I’m not bothered anyway tbh) and go and get her if needed . I’d be mad as hell though with DH and with her. I think if she’s going to live in your home as an adult she still has to abide by certain rules ie to give you a minimum of information so that you aren’t worrying and tbh for own safety really . When she leaves home you won’t be there to see what she does but while she’s under your roof it’s only fair

What is with you all trying to control each other? You're a grown adult. You can have a drink. You can choose not to pick up your adult DD and let her face the consequences of not planning her night out better. DH can't stop you. You can't stop DD going out, or DH enabling her, but you can quit trying to control others and quit allowing others to control you. This all sounds very unhealthy.

He can still sit in the passenger seat and go with you. I wouldn’t let him off the hook !!!

She went out around 12....

Absolutely not, I've expressed this in previous comments.
He should stay sober and collect his daughter but the whole house doesn't sound very thoughtful of one another (sorry OP).

And if she ends up alone...?
She's 18, not 28.
So what happens if she doesn't return and is found in a field somewhere (sorry OP).... She stormed off but she's 18, young and stupid. That's why dad should be picking her up

And she runs out of money 🤷🏼‍♂️
Seriously.... I'm glad I'm not your child.

He won’t let you ??