To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

[StrawberryCreamField]

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

She's a adult though her choice

No because they might be AT UNI and are old enough to have moved out. In fact when I was 19 I was on placement in France and there was no facetime, only texts and a weekly phonecall. Do you think I messaged my mum every time I went out clubbing or on an early run?

No because you weren't under her roof.
Obvs it's different in other circumstances like Uni but this isn't other circumstances.
And if my child was at Uni and contacted me for help, I'd show up for her.

Thank you

They need to bring back the laugh emoji for this 🤣 right, so no one goes out and ends up raped?!! No one....?
No one goes on a night out and ends up murdered lol honestly I'm laughing right now. A young man of 21 went out a few years ago now over the Xmas/New Year period and didn't make it home because some nutter decided to stab him. He died instantly.
What a fucking stupid thing to say.

@cardibach
The daughters behaviour is inexcusable and she needs to learn some respect for her mum (unless OP is a cunt in real life).

I would absolutely have choice words with her at an appropriate time and make ground rules if she wants to continue living in the house but if for whatever reason she couldn't get home safely by herself, then I'd pick her up.
It's the decent thing to do.

No, she sets ground rules.

Of course, wouldn't any parent? But that help doesn't usually mean the adult offspring expects immediate assistance and hours of driving to give them a lift from town back to halls.

"Would you not be concerned about your 18 year old being out with no knowledge of anything that they're doing?" was your question. My response is that you can't live like that as a parent. You'll drive yourself batshit. They're as likely to be attacked as any woman at any age. Some of my scariest experiences were in my 30s - and no, I did not call my mum.

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

op’s husband clearly can’t think the same as he’s had enough alcohol to render him incapable of driving to pick her up. He must think an Uber or taxi is ok

Did she make it home under her own steam op or did you pick her up?

Because he's a drunken dad!

Ok so there's a little age difference but it happens!!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/girl-16-shaved-tortured-burned-36303483

Absolutely 👏

Okay - but her DD is 18, so how do you propose she forces her to comply to said rules?

She can't force her.
But she can state "in my house, you show me respect. It's not too much to ask my newly turned 18 year old to give me some decent communication and less worry by knowing that you have thought about how you're going to get home".
Something along those lines 🤷🏼‍♂️

@StrawberryCreamField please let us know what happened

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

so OP can’t be a drunken mum?

No. She has to put her "child" first until she is no longer physically able to drive, apparently.

Well, maybe if OP hadn't treated her "just turned 18yo" like a 14yo, she would have got the communication and respect she wants.

They are some really astonishing examples of poor parenting on MN (not you). Imagine feeling zero sense of responsibility or concern for your 18-year-old in your house. And imagine not expecting a degree of respect and courtesy from your 18-year-old.

My young adult kids actually enjoy spending Christmas day with us. And would not want to go clubbing anyway that day. But if they did, they would absolutely discuss the arrangements with us, out of courtesy.

When did she do that? Because expecting someone who lives in the household to be there for Christmas Dinner unless they’ve planned in advance that they won’t be isn’t treating as a 14 year old. Neither is expecting decent communication from someone who lives in your house.

This.

There are a lot of people here who clearly don’t respect their parents very much.

It’s all very well people saying “she can just get a taxi or an uber” …it was Christmas Day night, I expect the number operating would be very low and very expensive.

i’ve had a occasions on a normal night in London recently where Ubers just weren’t happening - either no ride found or getting cancelled before they turned up. Or phoning a minicab and it being a 2 hour wait. I don’t know what’s going on but it’s becoming harder and harder to depend on getting a cab.

I also know that at uni I put myself in some VERY stupid and dangerous situations after nights out - blind drunk and thinking I could walk 6 miles home on my own in heels and no coat.

If I were OP and her DD had gone out who knows where, I certainly wouldn’t want to be depended on as a taxi services but I would personally sacrifice a few Christmas drinks in case I got a call from a sobbing or slurring DD who needed rescuing.

I didn’t say no one goes out and ends up raped. I said it really isn’t that common. Women are far more likely to be raped by their boyfriend or husband than some stranger on a night out. And OP not drinking so she can be on call as a taxi is very unlikely to be the difference between her DD being raped or not.

DD can get stabbed waiting for her mum to turn up and drive her home as easily as she can waiting for an uber.

Where she nagged her to know who she was going with and all her exact plans.

When I was 18 I would just say I was going out and give a rough time that I'd be back - often I wouldn't know and would just send a text later in the day.

I agree she should have stayed for lunch but honestly, if my mum was nagging at me like that I'd be pissed off too.

Respect works both ways though. OP has to respect the fact that her DD is 18 now and doesn't need to give her a detailed rundown of her plans.