Neighbour just told Dd Father Christmas doesn’t exist

[Grinchisbackbackagain]

Dd just went to her neighbour friends house, he’s a year older at age 8. She came back saying he said santa doesn’t exist and the parents do it and it’s just to get the kids excited 😔
I’m so upset, I didn’t work it out until a few years later and we love to do all the magical bits in our house
I didn’t know what to say and sort of denied it, I think she just knows though, feel cross!

I also hope Santa brings him piles for Christmas.....

Yes, it would be weird.

I mean, you can't really ask another child's mum to get her child to lie to yours.....

I don't think this is the best idea. I wouldn't double down now. It's going to be an obvious lie and 7-8 is not a good time for them to be questioning whether their closest adults are honest. It's poor timing but 7-8 is getting close to the tricky pre teen years and having adults they trust is more important in the long run than keeping the Santa myth going.

And what about when OP’s dd sees him after Christmas and finds out he did get plenty of presents?

Bloody hell, don’t do this!

But surely not 3 days before Christmas? It's awful timing and some parents will say whatever they need to say because it is 3 days before Christmas.

Plus, OP’s dd will inevitably find out post-Christmas that he still got plenty of presents despite not believing…

Firm believer here at 49! Ds is nearly 11 and pondered the question last week but decided his friends were lying and that FC is real. I don’t think anybody in our family has claimed he’s not real or had any kind of revelation at any age hence still believing at 49 😁
I know some people disagree with the whole FC thing but that magical wonderment is really special. It’s the people they say every single present is from FC that I don’t understand. My DDs went to their dads one Christmas and were told by his partner they everything from FC so they thought their dad hadn’t bought them anything and were upset.

My DS came home from a friend's house saying "Sam said his mum is Father Christmas." I wasn't sure what to say, then he added "She must be really busy at this time of year" and headed off to do whatever DS's do. He was about 7 and believed for another couple of years.

I am shocked at the vitriol aimed at young children on this thread. I can't imagine telling a small child some of things people are suggesting here.

You really can't control or plan for what suddenly emerges from a child's mouth, especially if the child who says it isn't your own.

I don't see why you can't continue do all of the things that have made the magic in your house though. I would just continue with your own traditions.

Tell your daughter that Santa only comes to true believers. There's a Christmas movie on Netflix that basically reinforces that idea. We used it for a year or two when siblings no longer believed but youngest still had a few years to enjoy it.

YABU for not anticipating this, you should have been prepared. Kids talk to each other.

Remember many kids have older siblings, so end up learning younger. Many kids catch their parents. Some families don’t do Santa in the first place - and that’s not to mention many kids born to other cultures who don’t even do Christmas!

Loads of kids will have already told her that Santa isn’t real, she probably just finds this boy more believable. I remember being told aged 5 onwards by other kids. It gave me doubts but I didn’t believe them fully. I was the last kid still believing in Santa at age 10. My parents made it more realistic by giving us a stocking and saying he gives us a few gifts, but most presents are from parents.

7 or 8 is about average. It’s not the end of the world. There’s plenty to enjoy about Christmas without the Santa lie anyway.

Letting a child move onto secondary school still believing in FC is cruel. I hope you’re going to have a frank conversation post-Christmas if he genuinely hasn’t figured it out (which I find hard to believe).

From his parents, just as he said. Not Santa.

what would you of done if someone told her at school? You wouldn’t be texting the parents then.

At some point all children stop believing. She’s 7 not 4.

My child started questioning at 8 and I just went with the same line when she asks if I believe in god. Some people do and some don’t. She’s still been existed for her elf and to bake cookies for Santa this year at 10 so who knows if she believes or not.

I think you handled it brilliantly. Your relationship with your child and them being able to know you'll tell them the truth is more important than Santa. As for the other mum in your story, you wonder who it's really for, the kids or the parents.

8 isn’t particularly young, especially if it is a younger sibling as older siblings can’t resist superiority of delusion ruining

what I said to kids was “do you believe in Santa?” , if they said no, I’d respond with “well you won’t expect a stocking from Santa then, will you, and won’t be dissapointed when you don’t get it, and others still do” then I’d say again “are you sure you don’t believe in santa then?” I’d soon get a little more agnostic response!

yes, I kept that up till they were 18! It was out little ritual that I’d ask every Xmas if they believed in Father Christmas enough to have a stocking still . Always got the response “of course we do mum”, and rolling eyes.

everyone happy!

mind you, I never ever made out that main presents came from Santa. Only smaller stocking presents. Itwas one thing I wanted them to know from start, that we gift each other at Xmas and that money for big presents doesn’t grow on trees. Santa has to give to every child everywhere so you need to only expect or ask for small things. No ambitious santa letters that way, and thanks for major presents given to right person.

frankly I can’t remeber how old mine were exactly when they knew father Xmas didn’t exist for real. It all seems irrelevant now vs the joy of the myth when they were small, and my ritual asking about Santa and the eye rolling from teens 😍

I certainly wouldn’t tell any children that Santa isn’t real but I honestly had no idea that it was so important to people before I came on MN!

I don’t remember getting excited about Santa as a kid (just the presents!) and we didn’t leave out a mince pie etc.

I’ve taken my children to see Santa’s grotto but I don’t spend any time talking about him other than that. I also refuse to endorse the naughty/nice list thing. In my house we deal with good and bad behaviour as it happens and everybody always gets presents.

😧

DD1 was an early non-believer, just a very questioning, sceptical child and I wasn’t comfortable with the increasing elaborate lies we would have had to tell, so we were always very vague about it anyway. In the end she asked at 5 outright and demanded to know the truth, I told her and she basically said ‘I knew it!’ and then Christmas progressed the same as ever. We still do the make believe stuff around the mince pie and carrot, hanging stockings. The magic is in the imagination , not physically believing Santa is real.

That said, she knows not to say anything to her friends about it as she knows they do believe so I would be disappointed to find out she had been telling people.

In this case I would just change the subject but at this age I wouldn’t be doing mental gymnastics to try to keep the belief going.

Rude of the neighbour but isn’t7 or 8 about the age most kids have figured it out by?
i wouldn’t text her, just move on. Kids will be kids
I wouldn’t carry on the lie now though just tell your dc that Santa is the magic of our imaginations

That’s pretty much exactly what I was taught as a kid - I was told that anybody who gave me a gift was being Santa and embodying the spirit of Christmas. Did the same with my kids (I don’t think they ever upset their classmates because they weren’t little twats, not over that anyway).

But it has never stopped us doing Santa stuff - mine are now well into their teens and we still leave out a carrot, mince pie and sherry and come down the following morning to find the sherry and mince pie gone, a big bite taken out of the carrot and a thank-you note. We still do stockings too.

When my 7 year old asked me if I bought all the presents from Santa I asked him if he thought I had enough money to buy all the toys he got. Not sure if I should be offended at the speed with which he said no way 😅