Neighbour just told Dd Father Christmas doesn’t exist

[Grinchisbackbackagain]

Dd just went to her neighbour friends house, he’s a year older at age 8. She came back saying he said santa doesn’t exist and the parents do it and it’s just to get the kids excited 😔
I’m so upset, I didn’t work it out until a few years later and we love to do all the magical bits in our house
I didn’t know what to say and sort of denied it, I think she just knows though, feel cross!

tell your child that santa only visits the good kids and not the naughty ones x

Still denying it to my 18 year old 😁

What a little twerp. Of course he knows what he is doing. My ds’s classmate age 7 took absolute glee telling my ds that Santa doesn’t exist and it’s just made up by mums and dads who do all the presents.
He is a vicious, clever little boy who enjoys making other kids feel unhappy or stupid. He besotted mother just grins goofily and says “oh Edward you are so cheeky.”

Watch Elf together, there's a great part where they confront the myth of people saying they do it.

That’s not going to do anything. What if your dd brings it up to him? Just keep her away from him until after Christmas and by next year it almost certainly won’t be an issue anyway as she will have aged out of it just like he has.

Tell your daughter that’s what naughty kids get told so they won’t feel sad they don’t get any presents. Tell her she shouldn’t tell him the real truth because he’d be sad.

Aye well more fool the neighbour's kid, because he's put himself firmly on the naughty list.

OK, Santa the big fat guy in the red suit who lives at the North Pole, as a person, a physical person...no, he probably doesn't exist (although it's never been proven).

But when adults talk about Santa, it's a metaphor that we use to explain it to little kids. 'Santa' is actually the spirit of giving, of generosity and loving. So yes, it's adults doing it, but it's easier for little ones to understand a character like Santa rather than a vague 'spirit of giving', so that's why we say it.

She is old enough now to understand this, because she is a big girl and clever with it. The boy from next door only thinks he's clever - he's only worked out half the story.

Santa is very real. You see it everywhere, wherever there is gift-giving, sharing and thoughtfulness.

I'd do that at 6 but not at 8 - she'll be looking for signs now, and won't appreciate you doubling down on it.

It's a pity she didn't get a year or two longer but she's at the age someone lets the cat out of the bag

Ah this is lovely -

Some time after I found out, as a child, that Santa wasn't real I questioned many things that I had been told hitherto. For example, I believed France wasn't real - it was just a made up place with a made up language that they made you learn in secondary school. What a surprise when I found out it did in fact exist! No lasting harm done though! However, does this all feed into whether we believe what we are told? Re conspiracy theories etc? What is in fact true? At age 50 something, maybe I will go back to believing in Santa Claus again. Even though it's me stuffing the stockings ;-)

Maybe be vague without confirming or denying? We weren't big on the whole Santa thing but when my eldest mentioned it (ofcourse by some kid while both at primary school!) I think I said something along the lines of 'Santa is a magical part of Christmas. I believe in Christmas magic, how do you feel about it? Some people believe in Santa, some don't, but at night sometimes, I like to watch out of the window (or track him on NORAD) to see if I can see any magic.'

That could be just looking to see if you can see the stars (depending on where yous are) or driving around and looking for the Christmas magic of everyone having their houses decorated etc. Ask her if she'd like to come with you to look out of the window/go outside to see if yous can see anything (though it's a lot better doing this when it's frost and everywhere seems to glitter!)

If she's wanting to keep believing, she'll probably be up for it. If she has already accepted that he's not real, she might say she doesn't want to (as in, what's the point) then you can ask her if there's anything Christmassy she'd like to do (posting cards to the neighbours or baking cookies etc)

Just let her lead with how much she's ready to know, you'll be able to judge by her demeanor how to have the conversation. But I've always leant on Santa and Christmas magic is a feeling, more than a dude who flies about and delivers presents. Christmas feeling stays whether Santa is a perceived person or part of the magic and keeping that magic alive for other young children. Mine were always excited to find out about 'the secret.'

We never made a big deal of FC, but once the kids started asking, we'd say 'It's fun to pretend' and changed the subject.

For those suggesting that you tell kids that FC doesn't come to those who don't believe, are you expecting kids to lie to you about believing, or do you stop giving stockings once they admit they don't?

Santa does only visit the good kids, sounds like this kid isn't on the nice list, we will be leaving out our carrot, mince pie and whiskey, if the naughty boy up the road doesn't believe well more fool him, he won't be getting a visit like we will!! My eldest is nearly 10 I will be doing everything in my power to squeeze 1 more year in all my children still believing!

This is a tricky one because one of my children has done similar….
I myself told my older children that Father Christmas wasn’t real, which sounds awful but the eldest came to me when he was about 8 and asked me directly if he was….. I have always sworn that I wouldn’t lie to them about something so important because they would find out in the end that I had lied to their faces and I want them to know that I will always try and tell them the truth about big things.
When I explained to them that grown ups do it to make Christmas magical and now they knew, it was their job in turn to make it magical for their younger siblings/family.
To be fair to them they talk about Father Christmas to their little brother, helped him make a list this year and were in charge of making footprints last year.
My middle son has told his best friends the last few years that Father Christmas isn’t real because they have directly asked him if he thinks he is…..
I have had messages from parents disappointed that my son hasn’t said he is real and making his friends question if they should believe. I tell him every year to say he doesn’t know, or say he does believe but he says he won’t lie to his friends and they are old enough to know.
When my eldest was in his last year of primary their teacher said that Father Christmas wasn’t real, parents were up in arms about it as some children were so upset. Mine was really bemused that anyone could have got to the last year of primary still believing.
My friends child still believed because they had convinced her he was even when she had really questioned it, they then broke it to her just before she started high school because they didn’t want her to be teased, that always seemed more cruel that fessing up earlier.

She doesn’t need to believe in Santa to believe in the magic of Christmas ✨

Our parents basically maintained (even now tbf 😂) if you want to risk it, and not believe - see how that works out for you. If you don’t believe in Christmas, he won’t come.

Maybe watch Miracle on 34th Street?

If it was the summer, maybe. Just days before Christmas? I wouldn't be confirming anything.

You say a version of ‘he’s real if you belive in him.’ A thing that is crazy is almost every Xmas movie is based on the main characters saying ‘Santa isn’t real’ and then somehow finding out he is. It’s a wonder any kid believes. In a way he IS only as real as you believe him to be.

It's not sad, you can't control what other people say. This insistsnce that FC is a really person rather than a nice story is quite bizarre. The magic of Christmas isn't about who brings the presents and if it is you're missing the point. Imagine how bonkers it would be if we went round insisting that Cinderella was a real person and getting cross when someone pointed out she wasn't. Your child is 8, I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner tbh.

I told mine Father Christmas doesn't visit people who don't believe in him. Hence my children being 33 and 31 and obviously still believing... 😁

I wouldn’t double down on the lie. I’d just carry on with the Christmas Santa traditions. If she questions it you can say not everyone believes in Santa, but let’s put out the mince pies just in case. Etc. I don’t like the idea of kids feeling lied to when they find out. So I would be vague. I knew Santa wasn’t real from about 5, but I still wanted to put out the mince pies and do fun activities as it’s Christmassy

Saying only good kids get presents is a really awful narrative, there will be plenty of good children who don't get any presents through no fault of their own.

Surely you could have just replied something like “Well I don’t put presents under the tree / come down a chimney etc.” and just brushed it off? My DC1 is the same age and few boys in their class were saying it recently but I just brushed it off and they moved on.

What a shitty thing to do to a little girl! Id be furious too!
I'd just tell her he's being spiteful because he knows he's been bad and santa won't be visiting him this year. He's jealous and trying to spoil it for everyone who's being good!
Its your perogative to keep this little bit of magic going for as long as you want to!

Again, might work for a 4/5 year old, but surely most 7 year olds would see it for the patronising drivel it is…

Can’t believe the amount of people suggesting she tell her daughter that next door neighbour is too naughty for presents. He’s just a kid himself. People have to stop believing eventually and insisting he’s real is a bit weird to me