Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

[Bluebells81]

6hr car journey to PiL today. Thought it would be good to leave in morning. Stop for lunch etc So got everyone packed and ready yesterday, or so I thought...

So far DH has filled the morning with:

1. Buying special fuel for garden tool.
2. Filling said tool with fuel on allotment.
3. Buying Xmas present for child that I could have bought yesterday if I'd known he hadn't done this.
4. Vacuuming (he never vacuums under normal circumstances)
5. Winding DCs up with playfighting to the point that everyone got sent to separate rooms.
6. Buying (separate shopping trip) extra food for pet and present for next door neighbour.
7. washing and drying a load of laundry.

I can't even pack the car because he keeps using it for his errands.

There is no end in sight to this sudden domesticity. Nearly 1pm... still a 6hr journey ahead.

Read up on the traits of covert narcissism.
Causing huge stress/ rage whilst they remain calm during times when the focus is not on them is a thing.
Somehow always causing stress for those around them.
My father did it every holiday.
We would all be sat in the car waiting for him to finish some ridiculous urgent job that just had to be done the day we were heading away.

My DH is the same. The last time we went away, he was changing a kitchen tap and then reconfiguring a wardrobe rail, right before we left for the airport. He does have ADHD though, so hyperfocuses on things that ‘need doing’ and can’t leave it until it’s done.

This is so funny. I like the sound of him., What a character.

I can’t understand why he’s not mowed the lawn yet, and taken the top of his finger off (that was a memorable year in this house, well, the garden and A&E).

W T F is (some) men’s problem?!?!

At least it’s HIS parents and not yours @Bluebells81- just don’t let him blame you for the lateness. Be ready for the leisurely shit before you leave too by the way. FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

OMG, you couldn’t make that up!!!

Seems he doesn't want to
And are you willing to go alone?
Tell him you'll say that he got delayed ......

When I was in labour with 1st child he didn't run me a bath, prep some foodp or pack bags into the car... he started cutting all our hedges. I'll leave that there.

Priceless!

This sounds like that episode from Tales of the Unexpected where her husband always makes her late. He came to a deservedly sticky end.

Tell him the deadline is an hour or two before it is. He’s lucky you see the funny side. Many would throttle him.

Have you tried communicating with him?

He isn’t a mind reader!

DH is the king of finding little jobs to do at the least convenient times.

It feels like he purposely waits until we are late to start unloading the dishwasher.

Once I asked him to finish setting the table as dinner is ready. As I walk in carrying plates of hot food he has the chairs upside down on the table and he's tightening the screws on the chairs because they'd 'got a bit wobbly'. Wtf.

I would be fuming, have you asked him why he's doing this? I fail to see any reasonable excuse.

We often don’t take him places, we’ve also gone on holiday without him. Watching him leave the house is soul destroying.

@chipsticksmammy do you think he has a medical condition or is he just a faffer?

I think I said this earlier in the thread - or certainly thought it! I truly think many of these men are just abusive twats.

But when you’re normal and don’t think/act like that it’s very hard to understand people who do, especially when it’s your partner. I’ve had direct experience of a covert narc and it’s the most horrendous thing I’ve ever dealt with. They’re properly insidious but seem lovely to most people - few ever get the real measure of them. The one I know is still married to his poor wife and I sometimes worry about her and wonder if she knows who she’s really married to or if she’s fallen for the “nice” part of him and believes his excuses for when the mask slips.

Do you mean it can trigger severe anxiety? As a nervous breakdown is a very severe mental illness and requires sometimes, months of recovery.

My DH does something similar.

E.g. His parents are coming for Boxing Day. There’s duvets to change, vacuuming and mopping and food to cook. There is a lot to do.

In the past he’ll say;

He needs to wash the car before they arrive (car in garage the whole time)
Mow the lawn (it’s Winter and no one is going in the garden)
Other totally unrelated chores that are not on the urgent to do list.

Its avoidance tactics

not this year but a few years ago we were travelling to one of my sisters houses to stay over Christmas. Sent my DP upstairs to his office to get an extra phone charger to take with us. Ages later. Me and kids have finished getting everything in the car and we’re ready to leave. Still no sign of DP, I go upstairs to look for him and find him tidying and clearing out the box of cables the extra charger was in. Like he had emptied it out and was carefully wrapping them all individually and setting same cables into groups. Because of course that needed to be done right at that moment 🙄😂

he’s also one for always having to stop off to pick up something or make a detour on the way somewhere. It. Drives. me. mad!

Cutting the hedges got me 😆 🤣 😂

PILs house...?
I'm on Team DH 😃😃

He's not looking forward to it! He does not expect to enjoy the Christmas as planned.

Me too!

my husband likes to clean the windows and blow leaves on the day we go on holiday. we need two new light bulbs in the hallway (currently pot luck whether you make it through alive or not) and I bet he will change those ten minutes before we're due on our next holiday

I'm going to be a bit smug, sorry. Whenever I think I might
be missing out on a relationship, I come on here, read some stories and think "thank God I'm single". I always feel better afterwards 😂😂😂

Op, we got abroad abroad. (2’d wedding) first wedding in England for friends and family mostly DH as he is English and I am not. Our second wedding for my family and friends in my home country was 1 month later and we were travelling for a year without dog!!!
the morning of our flight out of Heathrow, car packed dog and I sitting in a taxi, husband decided he will clean the garden. Tend to weeds, mow the lawn for a house we wouldn’t be in for a year!!! He had showered and was dressed for travelling before he decided to do his jobs. So we had to sit in the taxi whilst he took a second shower. We had just enough time for us but we were late on checking in our dog and was properly told off…. He has form for doing things like this so no words of advice just solidarity x

These responses are making me smile 😃

OP Many years ago I had an accident first thing in morning and broke both bones in my leg. I screamed to DH that my leg was broke and I needed to go to hospital. He faffed around for so long I told him to bring me my phone and I called for an ambulance myself. I still feel cross about it.