To be upset at DP going on a trip

[KorinaMure]

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

Firstly, it doesn’t fucking matter. What matters is he’s deeply unpleasant and selfish and will make a terrible father.

Secondly, of course he’s having an affair. And if he isn’t, see point 1.

Gay ones might…

I wouldn’t be TTC with this man and something sounds off about it. He’s got his priorities wrong going to Bulgaria to meet someone he hardly knows.

🚨 DON’T HAVE A BABY WITH THIS GUY!!! 🚨

You will regret it.

YES!!! It’s been said numerous times by previous posters.

Have some respect for yourself and dump this guy - you deserve much better.

Not as much as the baby will.

It's all fucking off! Do NOT have a child with this man - do yourself a favour and dump him as your Christmas present to yourself!

You’re not being controlling at all. You’re just not compatible.
Consider this a huge flapping red flag and a blessing
DONOT have a child with this man and go on your trip to Italy with a mate instead

Op so many posts have said its very weird. Have you missed them all?

He is giving off controlling behaviour. Dump the twat and enjoy Italy

I put this to my husband. Here's his hot take:

1. Yes, this is wierd.
2. It's even more wierd when you learn the wider context of the Italy trip.
3. Booking the Italy trip wasnt controlling but a normal and lovely thing to do in a relationship
4. If your partner survives this visit to a stranger in Bulgaria and comes back, then LTB.

I agree with all points 👍

I would not be upset, but I would be absolutely furious. How dare he be so ungracious about your trip and then say he’s swanning off for some pathetic weekend himself. Idiot. No way would I be procreating with this loser.

Oh Jesus Christ please don't have a child with this exhausting man baby.

If I were you I would get rid of him and take a family member or a friend to Italy instead.

I don't know if you have low self esteem or what but I guarantee you that this guy is not it and you would be better off chucking him back.

Jesus! What a manchild he is. Fgs get rid of the scrote

OMG @KorinaMure DO NOT TTC with this manbaby… YES him going away to meet a friend he’s only known a few weeks is an absolute 🚩🚩🚩🚩
he sounds more interested in an online game than growing up and having an adult relationship, he couldn’t care for a baby as he clearly isn’t mature enough.
How long have u been with him???

I was all set to defend him (both DH and I have friends we've met via games who live abroad and we've met, I think there's something to be said for the social element of gaming etc) until you said it'd been 2 weeks. That's absolutely batshit, especially in the context of him apparently wanting to be frugal until he randomly meets someone and 2 weeks later he's booking a holiday.

It’s selfish, rude and obnoxious of him. Any normal person would have been touched and delighted to be given a surprise trip.

I’m sorry OP but you would be being incredibly selfish to have a baby with this man. It would not be fair on the child.

Are you sure he’s not being scammed ?

To answer your question, if you aren't married and don't have shared money, you can't and shouldn't expect to 'stop' him from going.

Just step back now, you've said your piece. Don't let the discussion be derailed into whether you are 'controlling' or not.

Keep it focused on whether he's an idiot or not.
The more worrying thing though is that he doesn't stop himself.

You won't be able to stop him doing other weird and potentially wasteful things with his time and money in future, either..As above, the worry is that he wants to do them in the first place. If you aren't married and he's an arse, you are in a very vulnerable situation should you fall pregnant.

If you aren't married and he's an arse, you are in a very strong position to improve things while you are unpregnant.

Yes it’s bloody weird! Everything about it sounds off. What are your reasons for wanting to stay with your ‘D’P because you haven’t said anything which portrays him in a positive light. You need to reflect on the whole relationship not just the baby.

OP, I’m a bloke so may consider the male perspective.

OK. I’ve considered it: Your partner is an ungrateful dick.

Or there’s something going on of which you’re unaware.

Or both.

Yes, OP, most of us think the Bulgaria trip is weird. But, 100 times more important, PLEASE DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN! He’s horrible (throwing a mantrum because you booked the sort of holiday he’d said he would like), childish, selfish, probably addicted to gaming and would make a lousy parent. He’s already a lousy partner.

Rural Bulgaria is a red herring. The real issue is that you are insane enough to be trying to conceive with a man who hates spending time with you.

Yes and yes again. It is wierd. I think there is possibly something else going on that you don’t know about yet.