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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at DP going on a trip

298 replies

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 12:27

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

OP posts:
Pinkwhales · 22/12/2025 18:24

I'm unwatching this thread as getting a headache through banging my head against the wall.
Why do I raise my blood pressure wasting time on threads like this.
I'm going to eat some pringles instead.

catin8oot5 · 22/12/2025 18:25

He’s an ungrateful dickhead. And a weirdy gamer freak to boot.

Find the nearest bin and put him in it.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 22/12/2025 18:27

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:18

A bit more context in regards to the Italy holiday. We are saving up for a baby and house deposit but keep a certain amount of disposable money each month for our own spends.

He was open that his was going on games and his other hobbies, fair enough, that’s what the personal money is for. I personally didn’t need anything material and enjoy shared experiences together so I remembered him mentioning Italy and decided
to save towards that and let him know about it once it’s all been paid for and I had all the spending money ready.

He noticed I wasn’t buying anything for myself and he asked why and told me I needed to treat myself more because he felt bad that I never buy myself anything. That’s when I told him I had booked a trip for us and he had been annoyed telling me I’d given him a “problem”. Later on that night he had calmed down and we went out for a meal to talk it through but all he could talk about was disagreeing with the principle of it, how selfish it was and he didn’t even ask where I had booked. I asked him if I could at least say where we were going but he rolled his eyes so I didn’t want to say the location then as I felt embarrassed and humiliated and thought he would laugh at the location. Then I went to the bathroom and cried and then when I came back he dumped £50 on the table to cover the food and we left. He also told me it was a bad choice because I’m the one that loves travelling whereas he can take it or leave it and apparently I’ve strong-armed him into a holiday without his consent. Annual leave isn’t an issue as he works 4 on 4 off and it’s booked for his 4 days off.

After not speaking for 2 days he asked which part of Italy it was and said “well since it’s non-refundable I may as well go.” But he’s not arsed about it or excited in the least and when I mention it he changes the subject.

so this is why I’m upset he’s so casually doing this other trip

Edited

This doesn't explain it more. It is exactly what you said to begin with and makes him sound like a total cunt. Seriously. He is selfish. He doesnt want to travel. He isnt interested in sacrificing right noe to resch the goal of a house. He will hold you back. If you get pregnant before you have moved into your bought home you will never buy. He wont take on the role of saving and earning if you are on mat leave. Your life will be miserable. You will be doing everything. What the fuck are you thinking?

Original poster
KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

OP posts:
Andepeda · 22/12/2025 18:49

Well he's lying about something OP. Be careful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/12/2025 18:57

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

He’s a weird creepy weirdo.

Please don’t have a baby with him.

IGuessIllbetheFirst · 22/12/2025 19:01

Something is going on, men don’t invent stories like that without there being something behind it.

Americano75 · 22/12/2025 19:03

So he's a weirdo or a liar.

Or a lying weirdo.

Carodebalo · 22/12/2025 19:27

Could you please do us all and the entire universe a favour and not let this man procreate? Just STOP ttc and leave this arse! To be honest I don’t think you’re really listening to the advice on here. I get it, you want a baby. But ffs go out there, find a better man and THEN have that baby!

cadburyegg · 22/12/2025 19:27

TTC? Are you joking? Get rid. This man will not be a good father and you’ll be tied to him for 18 years

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2025 19:28

definitely a man?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 19:31

Pinkwhales · 22/12/2025 18:24

I'm unwatching this thread as getting a headache through banging my head against the wall.
Why do I raise my blood pressure wasting time on threads like this.
I'm going to eat some pringles instead.

I had absolutely the same thought, but the difference was I’ve gone for haribo strawberries. But only really as I have no Pringles,

Arlanymor · 22/12/2025 19:33

Not sure why January changed to February in your update. But either way - this is a shitshow isn't it? I mean his behaviour in the past two weeks has been appalling. I don't know why you are not making plans to leave, honestly. And I am one of the 'give him the benefit of the doubt' posters, but not in this case. He embarrasses you in public for no reason, lies to you for a laugh... Why would you want to be with him, let alone consider him fit to be a parent to a potential future child? I'm leaving the thread now because this is making my blood pressure rise.

Theslummymummy · 22/12/2025 19:34

He's meeting up with a random to game???

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2025 19:36

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:18

A bit more context in regards to the Italy holiday. We are saving up for a baby and house deposit but keep a certain amount of disposable money each month for our own spends.

He was open that his was going on games and his other hobbies, fair enough, that’s what the personal money is for. I personally didn’t need anything material and enjoy shared experiences together so I remembered him mentioning Italy and decided
to save towards that and let him know about it once it’s all been paid for and I had all the spending money ready.

He noticed I wasn’t buying anything for myself and he asked why and told me I needed to treat myself more because he felt bad that I never buy myself anything. That’s when I told him I had booked a trip for us and he had been annoyed telling me I’d given him a “problem”. Later on that night he had calmed down and we went out for a meal to talk it through but all he could talk about was disagreeing with the principle of it, how selfish it was and he didn’t even ask where I had booked. I asked him if I could at least say where we were going but he rolled his eyes so I didn’t want to say the location then as I felt embarrassed and humiliated and thought he would laugh at the location. Then I went to the bathroom and cried and then when I came back he dumped £50 on the table to cover the food and we left. He also told me it was a bad choice because I’m the one that loves travelling whereas he can take it or leave it and apparently I’ve strong-armed him into a holiday without his consent. Annual leave isn’t an issue as he works 4 on 4 off and it’s booked for his 4 days off.

After not speaking for 2 days he asked which part of Italy it was and said “well since it’s non-refundable I may as well go.” But he’s not arsed about it or excited in the least and when I mention it he changes the subject.

so this is why I’m upset he’s so casually doing this other trip

Edited

and you want to have a baby with this guy??

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 22/12/2025 19:37

Haven’t rtft just your replies OP- he is an alarming red flag and personally I would end the relationship- it will only get worse when if you have a baby with him

Wonderlandpeony · 22/12/2025 19:52

He doesn't sound great to be honest. What's your relationship like otherwise?

Duckyfondant · 22/12/2025 19:52

He doesn't even sound like he likes you..

TamarindCottage · 22/12/2025 20:11

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

Edited
Show quote history

Your (asrshole) partner is a knob. Fuck him off and take a friend!

Homegrownberries · 22/12/2025 20:26

Springing a non refundable surprise holiday on someone is a really risky move. Personally, I would absolutely hate it.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 22/12/2025 20:32

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 15:45

The trip itself does it sound off to you all? Do you think it’s odd for a 29 year old man to travel to rural Bulgaria for a long weekend to meet a man who he met 2 weeks ago on an online game?

If you genuinely can't answer that for yourself without help then you really, REALLY are not ready to have a child with anybody, let alone a man who you don't know very well, can't play nicely in company, who is addicted to gaming and most of all doesn't like you.

BogRollBOGOF · 22/12/2025 20:35

He's an unpleasant gaming addict who squanders his money, gives you the silent treatment and doesn't want to go on holidays with you.
Do not TTC with him. Better still LTB, you deserve more.

Astra53 · 22/12/2025 20:53

Take a friend to Italy and leave him at home, or preferably leave him full stop!

LaGioiosanotLeviosa · 22/12/2025 20:54

Sorry but this is actually abusive. Your last update shows it because he was trying to wind you up. He was trying to get under your skin, make you wind yourself back in after your ‘problem’ of the Italy holiday.
No doubt he will get annoyed at you for not finding it funny and blame you for not having a sense of humour. Just like he tried to make you doubt yourself about the nice kind holiday you booked in the first place.
He wants you in your place.

Please break up with him. This is all quite an awful thread to read.

MissDoubleU · 22/12/2025 22:28

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

He’s playing dodgy games with you. Do not have a child with him.