What do people see when they look at me??

[Imnotlaughing]

I’m actually a bit embarrassed and don’t want to post any pictures as it would obviously be identifying so I’ll try to explain concisely.

When I was younger I drank lots and dabbled with drugs. I also have underlying hereditary health conditions. I’ve had a difficult early life and I’m aware I have not aged well.

I am only in my early 50’s. DH is older than me. He once told me that one of his colleagues saw us out together and made a comment during workplace banter that DH lived with an old lady. I was offended that he just laughed it off and didn’t stick up for me but I just moved on and forgot about it after deciding his colleague was just a bit of a rude prat, especially as I’m younger than DH.

Last year we moved to a new area and have spent the last 12 months getting to know the neighbours, walking the dogs together etc and fitting in. We decided we knew people well enough to at least put a few Christmas cards through doors of people who had shown kindness and made an effort to talk to us.

One of those neighbours approached me last week to ask me to thank my son for the Christmas card. I didn’t know what to say so just politely acknowledged their gratitude without correcting them. Then last night another neighbour put a card through our door addressed to DH & ‘Mum’. He saw it first and handed it to me in silence knowing what I’d think. This card was from an elderly lady in her 70’s. I was gobsmacked.

I am 53. He is 55 next week. I spent last night just looking at my reflection in the mirror thinking what on earth are they seeing when they look at me? A crooked old lady with a walking frame? Are they taking the piss or are they serious? Honestly I don’t see someone old enough to be DH’s mum looking back at me when I look in the mirror and am utterly baffled and embarrassed by this.

That’s three people now. The first I just thought was a piss taker but the other two were actually serious. They genuinely thought I was his mum. I know I haven’t aged well but I don’t think I look that old. To think I am DH’s mum they must think I’m at least 20 years older than him? I walk long distances, sometimes I am out for hours in the countryside as a hobby and walk further than many of these people could even comprehend. I’m not in dreadful shape.

I know this is subjective and nobody can really tell without seeing a picture of me but now I can’t help wondering what are they seeing when they look at me? I just don’t know what to make of this anymore. Far short of a face lift there’s not a great deal I can do about how I look but I am genuinely just not seeing what they are seeing when I look at myself.

The last think I ever thought when I met DH was that one day all the neighbours are going to think I am his mum. I feel like Mrs Doubtfire! 😳

No man with an ounce of sensitivity would repeat such a thing to his wife.

If it was even true.

OP's husband alleged that his colleague said (during some work 'banter') that he saw him out with his wife who looked like an 'old' lady.

OP is in her 50's and would need to be at least 65 to be her husband's mother yet she does not see this in the mirror.

AI estimated OP's age as in her 50's. It estimated her husband as older than her.

OP's honest friend says she does not look 65.

And yet 2 of the OP's neighbours for some bizarre reason have assumed that OP and her husband are mother and son.

Therefore, the most obvious conclusion is a husband who is leading people into believing that his wife is, in fact, his mother! Or at the very least, is not correcting them!

Nothing else makes sense if we are to believe that the OP does not look 65+.

They didn’t. They said he LIVED WITH an old lady.

Why would he tell you that OP, did he find it funny?

How is that different?

I don’t have a walking frame by the way. I asked a rhetorical question if that’s what people see when they look at me, an old woman with a walking frame, because they didn’t seem to be seeing a 53 year old with her 55 year old DH.

To be honest we’ve just not got too deeply in to conversation in great detail and the neighbours know very little about us (clearly!). We have only just recently been asked if we would like to join the local social club they are all members of.

Someone's on the wind up here, either the OP or her husband.

With the work colleague I assume when DH told me he thought I would be as incredulous as he was at the time. The person who said it was younger than both of us. Maybe it wasn’t very sensitive to repeat it. I could easily accept something was perhaps misunderstood with the lady in her 70’s who wrote the card as although I have spoken to her several times in passing briefly, DH did offer her a hand to get her car started recently and has spoken with her at greater length. He told her my name and I think assumed she’d realise we were married but she obviously forgot my name and thought otherwise. The other neighbour who approached me though asking me to thank my son for the card….I can only assume he saw DH put the card through his door as he delivered it. Who knows, if I’d delivered it he might have asked me to thank my dad. I honestly don’t know. ,

Ah! Sorry OP, poor attention span on my part - that's twice I've mentioned your walking frame 😖🤡

I suppose you could try jazzing up your wardrobe. Or just forget about it. Let them think what they like, sod 'em!

As long as your DH is not actually screaming when he opens the curtains in the morning, I wouldn't worry. I speak as someone who actually DOES have that sort of age gap in my own marriage (me being the old hag).

How Is saying your wife looks like an old lady different to saying so and so lives with an old lady? Obviously one is a direct personal insult against his wife and the other is not. He could be a lodger living in an old lady’s house.

Or maybe someone’s just disappointed because a they wanted it to be all a man’s fault

Not at all. In fact, I am usually always in defense of men on MN!

'He once told me that one of his colleagues saw us out together and made a comment during workplace banter that DH lived with an old lady.'

So, different to what you wrote in your OP, then. 👆

I don't know the answer to your question, but we were on holidays recently and got chatting to a lovely couple. At one stage another woman came over and chatted to us and at this stage, our two husbands were chatting amongst themselves. Not long after the other woman leaves, my husband, very uncharacteristically, piped up to ask the lovely woman if that had been her daughter.

I wanted to die as both women were obviously (to me) very close in age. They were good friends, not mother and daughter. Husband got an ear bashing from me when we parted, he couldn't work out how he'd put his foot in it, essentially saying one was a lot older than the other, he just for some unknown reason, wanted to point out how alike they looked.

I felt terrible as you could see the look on lovely woman's face when DH asked his question. She kept smiling, but I saw her face fall.

My point is, maybe it's not you that's the issue here. I think my husband needs an eye test. I was so shocked at what he said.

A vanishingly small minority do seem quite determined to convince me DH is either having a good laugh behind my back or encouraging the neighbours (whom neither of us really know that well) to do so. Yes he could have kept quiet about what his colleague said but he couldn’t really go round to the neighbours house after we opened it to tell her I was his wife.

I am rather concluding as some have said, that his looking a few years younger with my looking a few years older may be making them think we are related rather than married. It would certainly make sense. I was bemused by it and a little embarrassed but I’ll get over it and we will just have to tell them if it arises again.

No.

I am actually on your side, OP.

I have believed you from the start that you do not look old enough to be your husband's mother. I haven't given you tips on how to look younger because it wasn't what you asked for.

Yes, I think your husband repeating what his colleague said about living with an 'old lady' was unkind, unnecessary and unusual. It would be a brave man to insinuate to a male colleague that his wife is an 'old lady' (or that he lives with an 'old lady' or whatever was actually said). And then for your husband to tell you about this.

We then have the bizarre thing of 2 different neighbours being under the impression that you are his mother, not his wife.

In fact, no-one on MN or anywhere else on the internet can explain to you why these neighbours were under this impression. The only way to find out is to ask them.

Either way, I genuinely hope that you can correct the neighbours on their incorrect assumption and I wish you a Happy Christmas. 🎄

And they were TALKING ABOUT YOU. What on earth else do you think they meant when they allegedly said that.

How many more times do you need to keep adding allegedly to your posts Miss Marple?

Thank you. 🙏

I have a low opinion of a man that would repeat to his partner a very derogatory ‘joke’ too OP. Your husband is behind this. I don’t even think he was joking, I think he’s outright lying.

Waiting for update in 2 months time that says he’s shagging one of the neighbours and told her your just his mum!

Do you wear sunscreen when you go on your long hikes? Are wrinkles the reason for thinking you look older? There is not much you can do about the sun damage without spending £££s, but you can show off your fit figure (you say you are not in bad shape). You can also splash a bit of cash on a new cut and colour at a bougy salon. The fact that the neighbours all know your husband's name and not yours is a bit weird. Get out there and chat with them, let them get to know you. Sounds like you have been a bit of a mystery person behind closed doors (or out walking) and they have made assumptions.

🙄

I love that you're not rising to the bait OP 🌞