To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

[ThatRedBeaker]

Not trying to start a war but I’ve noticed a growing trend where some women (not all!) seem to put their career above everything, including their partner or kids. Obviously, everyone has the right to pursue success but I do wonder if there’s a point where it becomes too much. Like… is it unreasonable to think that some people might be prioritising the wrong things?

Genuinely curious what others think.

It really isn't. I didn't respond until the post I quoted. Which says exactly what I claimed it says. In that post, OP literally claims that men are more criticised for their career choices than women. That is what I object to, because it is manifestly not true.

We are talking about women prioritising career. Not child neglect. One does not necessarily less to the other. A women prioritising career over partner / kids is a private matter for that family not society

(And it’s weird how it only becomes “child neglect” when mothers do it not fathers).

I read the post just fine. Did you?

I cannot believe OP said, with a straight face, men are more criticised for their career choices than women.

On what planet?

There's some really poor reading comprehension on this thread.
A parent working/having a career is NOT the same as a parent putting work above their children.
Parents working is good, often necessary to meet the child's needs. A parent putting work above their child is neglectful.
All the people getting wound up over this and disagreeing, do you put work above your children? If not, you are not being criticised.

As a woman, I find this incredibly insulting. Yes I have a great career, but I provide very well for my family. I am a real family woman, and I help out a lot at home. Some of us can indeed do it all.

OP could it be that these women are trying to keep their jobs as their income, like their male partner's is needed by their family.

Or do families just need one salary OP, what is your experience?

But what are you defining as “putting above the children”? DH has to go away for months at a time for his job, it’s an important part of his career and how he provides for the family BUT let’s not pretend that’s the only way he can make money because of course it isn’t. Some might say he’s putting his career above the kids, we don’t see it that way and that’s all that matters to us, but you’re making a slippery slope argument when it is entirely undefined. Because it’s all ultimately objective.

OP is a 70 year old man, who is struggling with seeing women out of the kitchen and having agency, not like the good old days where we all knew our place and did whatever our husbands said, lest we felt the back of their hands.

😄😄

Absoutley this.

Assuming that by 'prioritise their career' you mean you mean chooses to do a wjob with long / unpredictable hours I think its not an issue unless their DH also prioritises their career.

If there is another parent there, male or female, who is a main attachment figure and can provide the children with stability and be there when the children need them eg accident/illness/MH crisis with teens, then although not ideal, the children would cope. It would be better than having 2 parents living at home but working all their children's waking hours.

Exactly this. Most of our business heads and executives work long hours, evenings, weekends. I worked in Oil and Gas where the expat workers left their families for weeks at a time.

All would fit some people’s definition of “prioritising career over their children / partner” but that’s a private matter for those families. Why would I care about their chosen work model. Impacts nobody but those families.

That’s a completely different thread topic.

Far removed from OP’s question about WOMEN who chose to prioritise their careers (over children and / or partner).

For all you have accused people of not reading OP it seem you are not the one who read it.

The idea that a career is “putting work above your children” is palpably nonsense anyway.

A career is about building your employability, increasing your value and hence enhancing your ability to provide for your children. Whether you are a man or a woman.

In what universe is having less money, less flexibility and less satisfaction in your work a good thing for your children?

Anyone who assumes its preferable not to work is effectively saying money doesn’t matter in raising children. Any reputable data ever published says otherwise; there’s a far greater correlation between growing up in poverty and poor life chances than having a working mother and poor life chances. Traditionalists have for decades been trying to unearth evidence showing that working women damage their children but poverty wins hands down.

But what does putting work above children mean? Have I made every sports day and school play dd has ever been in? No. Has she gone to clubs she'd prefer not to because I need to work? Yes. Has she ever gone without dinner? No. Has she ever been left in school ill when she needs picking up? No (although it might be me or her dad depending what we've got on. I've found as I've gone up the ladder I have more flexibility but it comes at the cost of sometimes having to work evenings and weekends. Dd is 14 and I've worked full time since she was 8 and part time when she was little but I traveled a lot so the 3 days I worked could be long. Luckily dh and I are a team and cover each other

The only reason I work and have ever worked is to be able to support my children. If it were just me I'd be living in a tent in the woods foraging through bins.

Sorry but I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this. Children need time with their parents or at least one parent, whether it’s the mum or dad is irrelevant. The important thing is a parent is around for the child. I’ve known of instances where an ill child has wanted their childminder and not their mum or dad. How sad is that.

As I said each family is different and of course as a single parent you probably don’t have an option, however if both parents are around that’s entirely different.

People have different definitions of mothers putting work above their child. OP has never clarified what they were actually meaning.

Some would say a woman working at all is putting work about their children
Some would say a woman working anything more than part time is putting work above their children
Some would say a woman working full time is simply just working full time like a man does after he has children

etc

and again, it is always women. There's a massive double standard which needs to be called out every single time.

OP not returned I see.

Children with working parents still have time with their parents!

Which can still happen if both parents work, even full time. Children also need to be financially provided for, they can't live on time and love alone.

Indeed and the standard for men is always so much lower!

Exactly. Children do need the stability of at least one parent being there for them. My husband regularly worked away when my children were growing up (and still does). I’ll be honest I sacrificed my career so he could pursue his as his earning potential was far greater than mine which I was happy to do. We really believe that our children benefited from one parent being around. I was a STAHM.