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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

238 replies

ThatRedBeaker · 21/12/2025 14:14

Not trying to start a war but I’ve noticed a growing trend where some women (not all!) seem to put their career above everything, including their partner or kids. Obviously, everyone has the right to pursue success but I do wonder if there’s a point where it becomes too much. Like… is it unreasonable to think that some people might be prioritising the wrong things?

Genuinely curious what others think.

OP posts:
Purlant · 21/12/2025 16:27

Gettingflatter · 21/12/2025 16:23

I highly doubt there are many (if any) women out there who care about their career more than they care about their children.

Some people just can't fathom that an adult can care about more than one thing at a time. I'm guessing you fall into this category.

Yep, I don’t know any men either that love their career more than their families either.

toomuchfaff · 21/12/2025 16:42

So what you're really saying when you read between the lines is that women need to concentrate on their family and their home especially their partner and kids...

misogynistic of the highest degree.

CurlewKate · 21/12/2025 16:43

trustnayin · 21/12/2025 15:26

I recently attended a series of events which were aimed at inspiring women to succeed in career, and life more generally. Each event had an inspirational woman speaker. Where these women had children, it was clear that the children were put aside whilst the woman worked on her career. One even spoke of her daughter articulating this quite clearly, and painfully, and her daughter has suffered from very poor mental health. Another put her children in boarding school to enable her inflexible career. I have noticed this about highly successful women I hear on the radio too. Time with their children is what suffers. Which means the children suffer.

I know that people will counter with 'men don't get this accusation' but highly successful men often have wives who spend more time with the children. These women at the events did not, so the children suffer.

Two parents in highly time demanding careers is not good for children.

Who ran these events?

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 21/12/2025 16:46

This is such a vague and goady post OP. Please can you give some examples that you’ve seen?

I know many “career women” who juggle in order to provide for their kids.

edited for typos

Luckyingame · 21/12/2025 16:48

Yes.
Finally.

EnterQueene · 21/12/2025 16:50

I’ve seen the opposite- so many women giving up a foot hold in a career with potential to take a dead end part time job to fit round the children & the other parent’s career. Somehow the dad’s job is always untouchable whilst the mother’s is expendable.If anything, women should care more about their careers and maintain their earning potential and future choices.

SolsticeWoods · 21/12/2025 16:53

xoxogosssipgirl · 21/12/2025 14:18

Does it not affect society though? I think it probably does.

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Considering the proportion of the teaching and healthcare workforce who are female, it certainly does affect society.

taybert · 21/12/2025 16:55

I think, if you want to live in a world where you can specify that you want a female doctor, or nurse or carer, if you think that women in political positions of power help to improve equality and opportunity for women and families, if you think that the world should be a place that both women and men can succeed and be safe, if you think that women should have control over their own finances and to be able to make choices for themselves, then you have to also accept that means that sometimes, some women will put their job before their family, as generation upon generation of men have done without criticism.

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 21/12/2025 16:56

The problem with this question is that it is one that would never be asked about men. Its so freighted with patriarchal values that even engaging with it is implying different values for men and women. If you had asked 'do some people emphasize their career to the detriment of their families?' no problem.

Needlenardlenoo · 21/12/2025 16:58

CurlewKate · 21/12/2025 16:43

Who ran these events?

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So what was stopping the dads of these kids taking on that role?

GeneralPeter · 21/12/2025 16:59

Obviously yes. (And obviously yes for men too).

KeenGreen · 21/12/2025 17:02

ValenciaOrange · 21/12/2025 14:17

Do you worry some men do this too OP or is it just women that concern you?

^ yep this!! Totally agree

Also OP while I would assume maybe it could appear this way for some like myself my wage is vital to this family. So in caring about my career I AM caring about my family and keeping the roof over our heads!

Shedeboodinia · 21/12/2025 17:03

I haven't see this with anyone I know. And I know some senior women in a variety of sectors. Law, tech, PR, Finance etc.
Most working women are juggling a lot but don't put their careers above their kids.
I think you have a warped view of how they are handling it. What you see is the polished surface, most people are juggling it all behind the scenes.
Can you be more specific about the examples you have seen as it really isn't my experience and I would be interested in how you came to this conclusion.

Scottishlassie10 · 21/12/2025 17:04

SomedayIllBeSaturdayNight · 21/12/2025 14:26

I agree op, I don't think it is good for children when both parents work long hours. I think one of each couple needs to put children before career, whether that's the man or woman matters less.

Totally agree. I know each family is different but I do sometimes wonder why people have children then put them into childcare for 40/50 hours per week.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/12/2025 17:05

I know a lot of very successful women through my work. I don't know a single one who prioritises work over their kids.

What kind of person are you talking about, OP, and how does their prioritisation of career manifest itself exactly?

SolsticeWoods · 21/12/2025 17:07

Scottishlassie10 · 21/12/2025 17:04

Totally agree. I know each family is different but I do sometimes wonder why people have children then put them into childcare for 40/50 hours per week.

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I did it because my husband went to live with an OW he met at work and I was in sole care of a 2 year old but also had a full time job.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2025 17:09

Why are you only singling out women. Men have always done this. Does that bother you too?

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 17:09

I always think that it should be a MN rule, that when a poster starts a thread attacking other women, they should have to declare their own position, i.e. SAHM to 1 child in their teens etc.

If they did, then perhaps it would be easier to understand the motivation for putting other women's choices down.

Is it lack of talent, education or ability?
Is it jealous or laziness?
Is it done to make the poster feel better about themselves and justify their own position?
Is it a judgement of their own mother?

It may be none of those things but it does come across as lacking sincerity.

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/12/2025 17:10

Scottishlassie10 · 21/12/2025 17:04

Totally agree. I know each family is different but I do sometimes wonder why people have children then put them into childcare for 40/50 hours per week.

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Because they are likely thinking of the long term, not just the short term which includes the nursery years and is ultimately for their children's benefit.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2025 17:10

ThatRedBeaker · 21/12/2025 14:22

Yes, men can and do prioritise their careers over family too. I focused on women here because there’s often an assumption that women’s career choices are always unquestionably positive or empowering, whereas men’s trade-offs are more openly criticised. Just wondering whether we sometimes struggle to talk honestly about the downsides on either side.

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Do you honestly think men get more criticism for this than women. Honestly? You’re pulling our legs aren’t you??

BatchCookBabe · 21/12/2025 17:11

🙄

FenceBooksCycle · 21/12/2025 17:14

Some men do too @ThatRedBeaker . Some people are like that. In fact it's rather a lot more men than women.

The fact that you felt moved to create a post specifically about women with this mindset is because of deeply ingrained cultural sexism.

You get to choose your priorities. You are not in charge of judging other people's choices and your life will generally be better if you try not to.

5128gap · 21/12/2025 17:15

Having a family isn't all about quality time. Children need to be financially provided for too. Paid work often is a priority if you want to provide for your family.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/12/2025 17:20

Scottishlassie10 · 21/12/2025 17:04

Totally agree. I know each family is different but I do sometimes wonder why people have children then put them into childcare for 40/50 hours per week.

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Has it ever crossed your mind that they might need to?

I had to work 40/50 hours and more when I was a single parent.

What would you like me to have done? Lived on benefits?

Such stupid comments.

XWKD · 21/12/2025 17:21

I think it's sad when people burn themselves out for a career and a life that isn't fulfilling, be they men or women. That includes for those who have to be up at the crack of dawn for their first cleaning job of the day, and who still can't afford the rent. Some people can have it all, and some can't. It's easy to pass judgment on other people and how they live.