To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

[ThatRedBeaker]

Not trying to start a war but I’ve noticed a growing trend where some women (not all!) seem to put their career above everything, including their partner or kids. Obviously, everyone has the right to pursue success but I do wonder if there’s a point where it becomes too much. Like… is it unreasonable to think that some people might be prioritising the wrong things?

Genuinely curious what others think.

What's more concerning to me is how many men clear off and leave their wives & kids without a backwards glance, don't support their kids, meaning women have to step up to secure their and their children's futures. They need to earn money. Maybe focus on that instead!

Women have to prioritise their careers because no one else is going to do it for them, and it is the only safety net they have should the relationship not work out or their partner turnout to be a complete arsehole.

I think a lot of working mums are triggered by this, but you can make your point that having a career does not affect your children negatively without putting down stay at home mums.

Most mums whether working full time, part time or stay at home are doing the best for their children.

Yes Women know your place.
I remember reading a guide to being a good wife 50s.
Bake a fresh cake
Keep the children from bothering him
Have his pipe ,slippers ,favourite newspaper
Don't tell him about your day as his working day is more important
And put afresh coat of lipstick on and greet him at the door.
All of the above was for his return home from work.

Thank fuck the world and women have moved on.

Who is putting down stay at home mums?

OP tips up and says women have become too “career oriented”. Its the most cliched, stupid and offensive line of argument known to Mumsnet.

I have been on this site for nearly 15 years and periodically some idiot tips up with a faux wide-eyed comment about women who “prioritise their career” over their family. It completely ignores the fact that the vast majority of women who work full time have no choice and also that its sexist crap.

While there is breath in my body I will push back against this crap. It has nothing to do with putting down stay at home mums. It’s refusing to be judged and put down by idiots who can’t grasp the basic concepts of equity and financial necessity.

Quite a few posts on this thread

No it really does not. It’s odd how it only “affects society” once women start to do similar.

And does every disagreement have to be people “being triggered”? Such a lazy response.

I am not in the category OP mentioned thus it’s not possible for this to be “triggering” to me and I still think the claim that it impacts society is nonsense.

Would be helpful if you posted some examples.

What people on this thread are objecting to is OP's tone of 'oh, the bad women who prioritise their career and everyone applauds them, while at the same time criticising men for doing the same thing'. Which is a complete reversal of the real world situation.

When I see posts like these, I tend to think they're part of the general tide of misogynist tradwife pushing sludge that is coming from certain quarters in the hope that some women will go down that rabbit hole.

I understand your point and your emotion on this matter but if you go back and read the OPs post that is not what they said.

Many would say (my mum certainly) that I prioritised my career over my DC when they were small. I’m a lawyer. I found being at home with a baby absolutely soul destroying. I just couldn’t take to it, with either of my children. Total loss of identity. Didn’t know how to enjoy my time with a baby. I went back to work as soon as possible for my own sanity. You could also say that I prioritised my mental health and returning to work was good for the children as I kept sane. DH and I worked long hours and relied heavily on grandparents and nannies. Anyone looking at us would say careers came first. I would say we were building for a solid future. With Covid and new roles we got much more flexibility and now DH is retired and at home for the children. I WFH some of the week and between us we do school runs and make all school events such as concerts and productions. From working extremely hard previously we are in a very good financial position with DC at fantastic fee paying schools. They are both happy children making the most of every opportunity that comes their way. I would say, and pretty sure my mum would agree, that although careers came first when children were small they’ve benefited massively from the money this generated, seeing what true team work is, and now their father being at home full time for their teenage years. They both have a very clear idea of what being a working parent entails and know women can do absolutely everything a man can. I’d say, by luck, that it all worked out for the best and no detriment to the DC that I can see.

You missed the gin And tonic at the ready and fresh bow in your hair!!

OP literally said that in a follow-up.

She believes women who prioritise career are told its empowering while men who do so tend to be criticised

Who has put down stay at home moms here?

Er yes - they did:

there’s often an assumption that women’s career choices are always unquestionably positive or empowering, whereas men’s trade-offs are more openly criticised.

According to OP, women are universally acclaimed for their career choices while men are more openly criticised. This is so very much the opposite of what actually happens that it's laughable.

I've failed then👍😂😁

Me too and it was exhausting but I didn’t want my DC to have a life on benefits when I had a career.

You can't genuinely believe that children being neglected and feeling unloved wouldn't have an impact on society? Have you misread the post and not wanted to back down or do you just not have any understanding of child development?

You can do both successfully so long as both parents support each other.

DT’s are my most successful achievement but no way was I ever going to be a SAHP - nor was DH. We’d both studied for too many years to take our foot off the career ladder.
My career took equal importance as DH’s.

That's very different to what you claimed the OP said in your previous post.

I think women feel the criticism much more than men, whether it's there or not.

I do think as other posters have said there are also large swathes of mums ‘in the middle ‘who aren’t married to merchant bankers , hedge funders or senior lawyers but also have partners so whilst in couples or even single mums who are moderately well paid or have savings who would qualify for nothing benefits wise or next to nothing who simply have little choice to be back at work, if they want a reasonable home ( particularly in southern half of country and I don’t just mean London of even half decent areas elsewhere) plus be able to pay the bills and have reasonable standard of living . The idea we all have a choice is not the case - unless you are pretty well off or have very low housing costs or the reverse , actually have bugger all , are housed and qualify for everything going - you may well not have that much choice,

OP not been back? Shocker.

What loathsome emotional blackmail A woman having a career does not equal neglected and unloved children. The implication is stupid & offensive.

Why would children feel neglected and unloved just because they have mums who work?

Can we talk about the aspects of child development that are better developed when around peers, when with actual child care professionals who can provide them with learning opportunities, or when around adults outside of their family unit?

Really keen to hear about those ones!

Absolutely this 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽