To think that some women care more about their careers than their families and that this isn’t always a good thing?

[ThatRedBeaker]

Not trying to start a war but I’ve noticed a growing trend where some women (not all!) seem to put their career above everything, including their partner or kids. Obviously, everyone has the right to pursue success but I do wonder if there’s a point where it becomes too much. Like… is it unreasonable to think that some people might be prioritising the wrong things?

Genuinely curious what others think.

This.

With bells on.

If only I'd worked less, DD might have had a childhood full of fun times, grown up to get a degree, got a job she loved, have loads of friends and be a delight to be around......oh wait all that has happened. Her cousins (well 3 out of 4 anyway), who grew up with a SAHP have, on the other hand, grown up to be lazy , entitled adults.

No. It does not affect society.

Well focussing on my career has meant that I’ve reached a senior enough position that I can flex my work to care for my kids who both have complex needs. My skills and experience are in demand, so I can negotiate hours and salary that give my kids a good lifestyle and I can be there for them when they need me. I’m bloody glad now I worked my arse off in my early career because of the freedom I have now.

I could offer a structural analysis but I can’t be arsed. Suffice to say your argument is feeble.

I think high achievers will prioritise their careers for a critical time, eg when they are on the cusp on middle management and need to catch a wave.

They will then settle into a happy equilibrium between career and family.

It's better than prioritise how much you can get without working at all.

Personally I have never notice women prioritise career over children / partner and if they do I don’t care. It’s only a matter for that family.

(I have noticed it with men but once again not my concern. That’s a matter for his partner / kids

Yes, there are parents. Men and women who prioritise their careers over their children. Yes there is a point when it crosses a line. What the line is, depends on the child.

^ This 100%.

I recently attended a series of events which were aimed at inspiring women to succeed in career, and life more generally. Each event had an inspirational woman speaker. Where these women had children, it was clear that the children were put aside whilst the woman worked on her career. One even spoke of her daughter articulating this quite clearly, and painfully, and her daughter has suffered from very poor mental health. Another put her children in boarding school to enable her inflexible career. I have noticed this about highly successful women I hear on the radio too. Time with their children is what suffers. Which means the children suffer.

I know that people will counter with 'men don't get this accusation' but highly successful men often have wives who spend more time with the children. These women at the events did not, so the children suffer.

Two parents in highly time demanding careers is not good for children.

Money is very important. Make it so we can live on one wage but get equal access to the money if you want us back in the home.

I have loads to say about the problems created by an economy which requires two full time salaries to raise a family (although of course it can work very well on an individual family basis).

However, that is in no way an issue for women alone.

Assuming you're ok with men 'prioritising their career above all else...'?

It’s not black and white and it’s not all the time either.

Sometimes I’ve had to prioritise my career over my children, and sometimes my kids have had to come first. And you just have to hope that over the course of their childhoods you get the balance about right.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that me sometimes prioritising my career was the right thing to do. My kids are very proud of what I have achieved and my career, that I put a huge amount of time and effort into when they were little, pays for all their luxuries now they are teenagers.

As my teachers would say, where is your evidence? Got any examples? Particularly with the accusation you’re seeing it as a “trend”. What are you interpreting as putting it “above”?

My mum was a sahm. With an arse for a husband. But anyway. She was a very good mum. Having her home was definitely beneficial for us as kids but then we were otherwise in a very poor environment with an abusive dad and loving in poverty. Eventually we all grew up and my mum was 52 when my youngest sister was 18. She had no independent income, my dad had effed off and she was in poor health. She died at 56 and it was horrific.

So while yes it was good having mummy home full time the cost to her as a human being was huge and I'd sooner have had 30 more years of her and been in childcare a bit as a kid while she prioritized herself a bit.

Men do it all the time and no one says anything. It's a prime example of the sort of misogynistic, hypocritical and patriarchal society we have to endure. If the roles are reversed, everyone fawns over the SAHD, it's ridiculous and pathetic.

Prioritising the wrong things?
Like what? Housing and feeding your children? That sort of thing?

Oh dear. So basically all the event did was to reinforce the notion that children suffer when women have a career, but the same does not apply to men. So an event which was supposed to be about inspiring women to succeed in their careers had entirely the opposite effect. Well colour me surprised.

The only case in my life where I’ve seen something remotely like this is where the dad was a stay at home dad. Think those kids were very well loved!

What about all the men who prioritise their careers over their families?

This.

Is there?? I don’t have kids so don’t really have a dog in this fight, but that hasn’t been the experience of my friends at all. I see successful, intelligent women I work with tie themselves in knots trying to meet the demands of their work (a bit of a labour- of -love job) while trying to support the needs of their families. They worry a lot about it, and certainly don’t seem to be immune from criticism. Everybody seems to have an opinion about it.
It could be pointed out that they might be prioritising their careers for their families. My parents were very work orientated in the 80s/90s, and made a decision when I was a teenager that a lot of people would side eye to this day. But it changed our lives massively in a financial sense, and they could help me in ways that were unthinkable before. They might of looked like they were prioritising work, but it was all for me and my brother, and our respective futures.

Define “putting your career over your family”. I have a full on career and I have to give it my all in order not to get fired. I have to get paid because I am the breadwinner in my family.

I was a single mother for eight years. If I didn’t “prioritise my career” as you put in my child would have lived on the breadline.

Why do people who have the choice to deprioritise work get to judge those who don’t? Surely if you use your imagination a bit you would realise that “prioritising your career” is what stands between your family and poverty in many cases. If you lack the intelligence to realise this you honestly have no business starting a goady thread.

Maybe because so many women get left high and dry by men, they need a secure income. I would never reduce my hours or take a hit career wise unless my husband did the same.