To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

[naturenaturenature]

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

No, she understands that there are people who might think she's being ridiculous. That isn't anywhere near the same thing as believing you ARE being ridiculous.

But other people are not responsible for that trauma. It needs to be dealt with so we person can move on without constantly being triggered.

Then why did the story suddenly shift from him changing in a corner, to being in the middle of the room ?

He is peacocking ewww

This

i don’t think you are being unreasonable

Well, I wouldn’t look twice, or find it odd.

YANBU. There's a big difference between someone quickly and discreetly swapping their top (no objection) and standing around topless for a while. The latter is not necessary and he should have more consideration. I'd say the same if it was a woman - no need to be hanging around in front of people topless or in your bra. Just get changed, nobody else wants to see.

It does sound inappropriate and an attempt at showing off/dominance.
I like to think I'd say something along the lines of, "put your vest on, Colin, no-one wants to see your man boobs", but it's not always so easy when it's actually happening.

Yep, keep your fucking clothes on Dave, nobody wants to see it.

Yeah there's no need for someone to be topless in that circumstance. You weren't doing full change into costumes were you? Maybe someone might want to put on or remove a Christmas jumper but in December you don't strip down to skin to do that?

Yeah it sounds like he's a bit of a perv tbh. Hugging people all the time and unnecessarily getting semi naked.

I think you could easily say something to the organisers. Have you spoken to the other women about him?

He sounds annoying and attention seeking. Best thing to do is just ignore him IMO. I don't have an issue with him changing his top at all, or being topless, but it sounds like he made it into a performance.

I'm sorry you e had to tolerate that. If you think he wanted people to look at him it's something to keep an eye on.

Lol

But there must have been a reason for it.

Maybe it was back to front, or he'd spilled something down it.

People rarely remove their tops and stand in the corner like an ornament.

I'd just roll my eyes at the performative wanker, and let him get on with it. I'd be keeping half an eye on him at future performances though, just in case he decided to escalate his attempts to get attention.

Men with their shirts off isn't a particularly sensitive thing - it's nothing like women changing. It doesn't matter whether they're objectively physically attractive or not, or whether they think that somebody might be impressed or shocked by it.

The best reaction to a man doing it is not to react. They don't exist below the neck.

If you feel that he was actually there in the hope that some of the women would also take their tops off, I get that, but focusing on his shirt being off distracts from that.

Asking the choir leader to state where each group is able to change in future would help at least make it clear where he is supposed to go - if he then turns up, it's easy to redirect him (and escalate if he refuses).

Funny though🤣

Did he look like Brad Pitt or Del Boy Trotter?
Was he changing into a dress?
Was he flaunting his body and/or approaching females?
Any of the above would affect my reaction to the incident. From what you’ve described so far I’d either ignore or shout ‘Oi get your shirt on you’re no Brad Pitt’ .

‘Urgh dave quit it with the peacocking. Nobody wants to see your dadbod’

And how do the mocking comments here help with that?

As long as it was just his top and he was not getting down to his grubby old boxers with holes in as in a recent case of a TIM using a female changing room to display his assets!

Actually, I do think he was thoughtless, and sadly displaying the attitude many men have that other peoples womens sensibilities don’t matter a toss. It’s the attitude that starts off assuming that manspreading your legs on a shared bus seat is fine, that pissing against a wall is fine because you have a handy piss tool and can’t be bothered to wait until you get home, and eventually that using female spaces is also OK because you don’t understand how upsetting this can be. The t shirt is a small thing, but sadly it is indicative of much larger issues.

It wouldn't have bothered.
I've ever got offended with seeing a top less man.

After a performance event where a specific coutfit was worn. As others have said this is common, both sexes changing in this situation is par for the course.

it looks like he was changing, not exerting dominance. Tbf none of us were there though

It really depends on how good his body was though doesn't it?

Topless men walking about in town is never acceptable.
Why do you think certain countries have had to resort to telling visitors to wear clothes?
Telling men that they should wear a shirt at all times.
I have seen topless men in shops and it’s revolting. It’s not even that hot. Comparing it to swimming in the sea is stupid.
If you find it ok then I hope you find it ok for medical professionals to walk around topless or teachers. After all, it can get quite hot in schools and hospitals.

Weird that it’s actually up for debate. Even weirder that some posters think that objecting to it is akin to limiting women’s rights and the Taliban.