To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

[naturenaturenature]

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

I’m not sure why him changing his top would be so offensive? You’ve said you didn’t feel threatened so why do you feel this is treating you badly?

Personally I can’t see the issue with him standing in a corner changing his top.

i don't think it's treating me badly. What I don't like is why felt the need to take his top off. He's always hugging the women and I felt his intention was that he wanted us to look at him.

Was he genuinely changing or just being topless for the sake of it?

But he wasn't just changing his top. He didn't take one off and put one on. He just stood their topless.

So just get your bag and leave and don’t give him the attention that you believe he craves.

What would you expect the choir leader to do?

If it made you upset and uncomfortable, then you should have a quiet word with the choir leader. It’s unnecessary and easily avoided in future..
But, be prepared for them not to see it as an issue.

@upthenorthmy feeling was that he was being topless for the sake of it.

Were you in some kind of costume? Mind you, I've always struggled to take my shirt off at the beach and at home in front of my own family

@crowmate yes I agree. I would worry that he would think I was being ridiculous!

Honestly, I think you’re being a bit ridiculous.
Just ignore him. It’s not like he was waving his willy in people’s faces. He was just topless in the corner of a changing room type area.

@topcat2014 we had our uniform on. If he needed to change he could have gone to the toilet. If one of the women had done this, I would think it was odd too.

It must have been quite traumatic. Perhaps take some smelling salts with you next time.

As I do not fear the human body, I wouldn't have blinked an eye...even if he was doing it for attention.
Ignore it.

@PricelessadviceI'm not being ridiculous. What may be true though is that I have suffered most kinds of male abuse over the years and I can't tolerate this kind of low level shitty behaviour that absolutely doesn't need to happen.

I wouldn’t have been offended. Assume he wanted to get changed before he went somewhere else. Maybe he should have gone to the toilets but not a big deal imo.

I agree though. I won't do anything about it as it's a pointless exercise. It just pisses me off so much that he considered it ok to use an area put aside for belongings to get his top off in a roomful of women. Looks like I'm in the minority of thinking this is weird.

🤣

@TrippingOverMyAssets that was uncalled for. Hope you feel better now.

I would have found that very odd too. My husband or teenage son would understand this is a weird thing to do and not do it.

I would let this one go but keep my distance.

some people say you are being over-sensitive but i know the type of men who push boundaries a little as they enjoy it.

At no point have I said it was traumatic or a threat. Of course it wasn't. That isn't my point. It's the male belief that it was ok to do it. He knew exactly what he was doing. Pathetic.

@redmountain thank you. That's exactly it.

"some people say you are being over-sensitive but i know the type of men who push boundaries a little as they enjoy it"

True...there are men like that. Trick is to starve them of the thrill they seek by ignoring them.

In many performance type hobbies it is quite usual for people to get changed in front of one another, amateur dramatics, dance groups etc. if he is in other similar hobby groups he may have just assumed your choir is the same. It wouldn’t bother me at all but of course you can tell your choir leader if it bothers you ans they can remind everyone of your particular groups expectations for future performances.

I actually agree that it's inappropriate and odd and possibly attention seeking. Why was he taking his shirt off?