To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I think OP precisely does not want to feel special and her whole point is that she's tired of being reminded that she stands out because something in the way she speaks makes people think she's not from here. I personally respect the wish of immigrants to want to blend in. Maybe some don't, but I think a lot do and the harmless question 'where are you from' is a reminder to them that, well, they don't... It's not hard to understand. Isn't it funny how anti-immigrants constantly harp on there not being enough integration, yet the minute someone with an accent opens their mouth (not even talking about different ethnicities) they should be gracious about constantly being reminded that they're different. That's not right.
'Where are you from' can be a good question to ask someone in the course of socialising but not thoughtlessly and it's definitely not a good one to lead with. That's just common sense in my view.

More hyperbole in a thinly veiled attempt to make OP feel like some kind of socially inept freak.

No. She’s not a freak at all. Nobody is saying that. People are saying she’s not the only one to get prying questions.

Deflecting the questions to another focus be a good tactic.

OP has a right to feel however she wants to, the rest of the world doesn't have to jump in line for her. If she feels different because she's an immigrant that's unfortunate - but also a consequence of moving somewhere where you're an immigrant. Nobody else's problem.

Demanding people do only what you like, because of your personal circumstances, without even telling them that directly is unreasonable.

Exasperated at peoples' determination to be victims maybe.

OP asked if she was being unreasonable, I've stated yes, and she continues to disagree - but I, apparently, am not allowed to continue to reply. If OP doesn't want people to tell her she's unreasonable she shouldn't ask - ironic really.

Replying is one thing but making adhominem attacks is another. Calling OP names like pathetic, precious, attention-seeking, magical and unique creature, etc...all those are simply beyond disagreeing.

OP is not demanding anything. She's just pointing out it's draining. Of course, it's entirely up to you to choose to ignore other people's feelings.

Good grief.

That's isn't all she's doing. She's saying people need to work harder to pick up on her subtle clues. To know implicitly that she doesn't want to be asked. That people need to alter their behaviour to suit her.

Here's a quote to mull over:

“One should never make remarks or ask questions which emphasise differences or embarrass a stranger; the object of good manners is to make everyone feel at ease.”- Emily Post, Etiquette (1922)

I'm old-fashioned like that. The concept is not new.

Good grief indeed. I’m referring to the personal remarks you directed at the OP, not your disagreement with her.

soooo... no one says anything to anyone then. You have no idea what would embarrass me. No idea at all, so you'd better keep anything and everything to yourself for fear of upsetting me.

I LIKE being spoken to about my accent. We don't all have to live by your rules.

"Don't disagree with me unless you use the exact words I want you to and disagree with me in the exact way I want you to, or you'll hurt my feelings". Yep, got it - it's quite a popular sentiment these days.

Not policing disagreement. Just pointing out that you resorted to personal insults, which isn’t the same thing at all. It’s not about wording or feelings, and reframing it that way avoids taking responsibility for what you actually said. If you want to continue down that route, that’s on you.

I do take responsibility for what I said - it's using descriptive, and accurate language.

Picking apart the words used to shift the focus from being disagreed with is a weak argument.

It’s not exactly rocket science to know not to ask people when they’re desperately looking for their lost phone, or interrupt them while they’re going about their day or to use it as the first question/remark that comes out of your mouth. It’s good manners.

Let’s see… you’re calling your own insults “descriptive and accurate language” and claiming that pointing them out is “shifting focus” because someone can’t handle disagreement.

By your logic, I’m simply using descriptive and accurate language to highlight that they’re insults. If you’re comfortable with the words you chose, then you should be comfortable with them being named. If you’ve chosen to label the OP, it’s reasonable for someone else to label the behaviour. Same principle.

Again, feel free to gloss over it, it just doesn't change the fact. That's all I'm saying.

What you choose to call them is up to you. I can't govern how you handle someone challenging you.

Lol. You do realise I’m not the OP, right? I’m not sure where you think you’ve challenged me, or how I’ve supposedly shown I can’t handle it. If anything, it’s the opposite.

If you meant the OP, that’s a different post entirely.

You really don't get that it's not about challenging someone's view, it's your argumentation that is off - taking things out of context, generalizing (we should all do this and that - literally noone said that), not being able to grasp basic concepts, your logic is allover the place (I am not referring to your opinion here - to avoid confusion - but the logic you are using to connect arguments and draw conclusions).

And when you are left with no arguments (again - to clarify - I am not referring to opinions but arguments) you resort to adhominem attacks which is frowned upon in any decent debate.
So, to summarise - it is not about your opinion or eloquency (btw, it is not always possible to hide behind it) - it is the painstakingly faulty logic you are using when debating. (Again to clarify: faulty logic, not faulty opinion.)

And yes, when you are 'challenging' someone - it is difficult to handle and respond to, but sadly not for the reasons you think :S
I hope you understand.

Just how conversation works here, and I'm sure most of the rest of world.

If you write a post asking if you're being unreasonable, and then refuse to consider that you are, your feelings are probably going to get hurt. I'm sorry if you find that difficult.

You have called people rude, without manners, intrusive, self centred, boring, blunt, rude. That's OK for you to do, but you're not too keen on hearing any words directed back to you.

You have clung on to posters that agree with you and refused to move your position or accept others' point of view, even from people in the same situation you are in.

Perhaps next time don't ask on AIBU. Write a general thread stating that you're fed up and tired of people and have a good old moan there, I'm sure lots of people will support you. That's reasonable.

I didn't expect any different answer from you, sigh...
Again, a lot of things taken out of context, false statements who said what etc...
As I wrote to someone else before - please do continue as you please, noone is forcing anything upon you. Some people may acknowledge that for a portion of people that are being asked 'where are you from' - it isn't a smalltalk (and can even be uncomfortable for different reasons, depending on people and their experiences), some may think twice now before they ask, some will continue to ask but not push further if they get a short response - some people, but not you - and that is OK.

You didn't expect anything but a direct reply to you? Sigh. I don't know why I'm surprised.

There's no false statements, those words are taken from your posts, in context.

Yes, you've said that for you this isn't small talk - and a handful of people have agreed with you. So of course I've taken away from this that some people don't like it and want people to change their behaviour to suit - I'm unsure as to why you think I don't understand that's what you're trying to say. I get it, I just think it's unreasonable. Which is the question you asked, is it not?

If someone states how something makes them feel - you (or anyone) can not 'agree' or 'disagree' with that. You don't get yo decide if someone's feelings are valid/true. They are feelings that someone is experiencing hence they exist.
So for example in my original question - I am not literally asking if I should feel a certain way, that part is given - but what would potentially make me unreasonable (as an answer to AIBU) are my expectations from others (those who ask the question) that may be wrong. For example I am most certainly wrong in your case.
You take everything very literally too - that is also quite problematic - but it may explain why are you struggling to understand what is it that people (or at least myself) are trying to discuss.

(This is my last attempt at explaining why your logic and argumentation is questionable - you simply don't distinguish between facts, arguments and conclusions, you use one in place of other - it is headache inducing)