To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I’m also in London, not from here, accent, not white. I rarely get asked this.

Intrestingly I see those that ask as self-centred.
Ofcourse it is natural curiousity, but that doesn't justify it, does it?
Surely you don't just bluntly ask everyone just about everything you are curious about? E.g. Hi Emily, hi Nick - why are you still together considering everyone knows Nick's been cheating for the past year.
You probably consider how the other side feels about your question first, no?

I live in a northern city, but am 'from' further south in England. My accent is quite different from the people around me, but interestingly I am NEVER asked this question. Only once has it caused a problem - I was mocked by neighbour's visitors when I asked them to move their car which was blocking the shared drive. I was shocked at how aggressively they did this.

OP, I again agree 100%. You've become more British than the British here, too considerate 😂 They somehow aren't that considerate when it comes to small talk. It's honestly baffling to me that some people here think that the person really has to talk about their birth place and history and their life story of moving countries just because they're "curious". The reality is many don't care at all but they need to make themselves assured they're great at small talk. I hate small talk and always will.

I'm English originally but have lived in Scotland for over 48 years.

Hardly a day goes by without at least one person asking me where I'm from or trying to guess where I'm from based on my accent.

To all intenets and purposes I consider myself Scottish so I dislike this perpetual reminder that I will never ever be considered anything other than an outsider in my adopted country.

Maybe you just haven't perfected your "fuck off everyone, I'm from London" face yet?

You must look very approachable and like you're ready for a chat, if so many people are starting conversations with you in London. Just work on your resting bitch face, avoid making eye contact like all the life-long Londoners do, and people might leave you in peace.

I think if you make the choice to live in a country different from that of your natal one and don't achieve a native level accent, no it's not unreasonable.

I've lived in countries where people have touched me without asking because my skin colour was different to the colour of the indigenous population. When something happens very frequently it's probably part of the culture of the place you've chosen to live. You either get angry, accept it or move on.

There are all sorts of situations where people will get asked the same question over and over, as I'm sure my 6ft10 tall cousin would attest to. Whatever your position, you always have a choice over your response to the situation, so maybe think about what you can do to change the outcome...à la "Change the things you can, accept the things you can't".

I’m British born and raised and quite mixed in my background. Have moved internationally to unrelated countries so now I constantly get asked where I’m from. If I say British, I get very weird looks as that probably just means white to them, which is a little insulting. So then I may explain my heritage which gets even more confused looks. I think people generally just use it as a conversation starter and being a bit nosey. I do get that it’s annoying though.

I think if you make the choice to live in a country different from that of your natal one and don't achieve a native level accent, no it's not unreasonable.

Ah the casual offensive stereotypes start here 😂

There are many reasons why people ask this question, not all to do with one's accent, I know this may be a shock to you.

As I clarified in my first post, if it's just about 'I am curious about you accent' and that is literally it - I am fine. Topic closed, we move on.
It is about having a full on conversation on the topic, wanting to know anything and everything, I am not a tourist guide, and I particularly don't appreciate being reminded of why I decided to leave my home country - to me this is a very deep and personal topic (as is for many many people that don't live in their 'original' countries). Also this is not a smalltalk material (which I assume you are referring to saying that certain things are part of the culture). That level of intrusion (because that's what it is) can not be justified by someone not having a perfect accent to hide behind.

I think it depends on the vibe you get off the person as well. I get teased about some things I pronounce a bit off or ribbed about some things I do or mannerisms I have all the time but I can tell that it's affectionate.

You get the odd one when you get the feeling that they're not so keen on your background or just have preconceived ideas about it.

Often wildly different or at two ends of an extreme.

Are you really asked that often? Most people in UK don’t make conversation with strangers and will feel asking where you are from is an intrusive question……..

But OP doesn't owe people small talk, however interesting other people may find it. Especially as it's (potentially) of a somewhat personal nature.

So how do you solve it? Get repeatedly angry about different individuals who ask questions that you’ve already heard? Is that productive for you? To what extent can you control other people's questions? Can you control how you feel about them? Can you control your response to them?

MN is a great place to have a rant and get it all out, and I'm all for that. But then back in the real world, what's your approach going to be?

"Can we change the subject? I find it difficult to talk about this."

"I love your hat, I'm looking for something similar, where's if from?"

"Gosh, is that the time? I've got to get going to my macrame class"

It's not that difficult to avoid talking about yourself, most people aren't massively interested in others to begin with.

I can understand why you're bored of it but unfortunately I think it's just something you have to accept when it's obvious you're not from the country you're living in.

I think if you haven't experienced it, you'll never understand quite how it feels. I am British Caucasian and spent a while in America a few decades ago. It was only when I opened my mouth that people realised I wasn't American.

It was fun for the first year or so because it gave me the chance to have lots of conversations with people while I was settling in. But it quickly got to the point where I didn't want to open my mouth to ask for something in a shop because several heads would immediately turn. Everyone was always excited and friendly about my "cute English accent", so it wasn't that I felt threatened or anything. But it just reminded me twenty times a day that I was an outsider and would never fully belong. So I get it, OP, and I learned from my experience never to do that to other people.

Perhaps just look them in the eye and say London, then don't add anything to that. It should remind at least half of the people that it's possible to look and sound different and yet be from the same place as they are.

I feel that I am. But if you are literally asking, saying 'literally day in day' out is more a hyperbole (to describe the effect).
E.g. a conversation I had today equates for the entire week of shorter ones lol. Then perhaps two weeks ago a random neighbour from the street who I haven't spoken to before. Obviously it is not every day, but it is constant, everpresent, definitely happens in every single social occasion, but also very, very often in random settings, and not less often than when I first moved to London (and was actually finding these conversations interesting - at least for a month or so :))

Bloody hell. How do you make out it's 'precious, self-centered and easily offended' for OP not to want to be treated like a walking novelty everywhere she goes? What makes you think she owes everyone answers to their questions just because her accent sounds different to theirs? She's explained that the questions don't just stop when she tells people where they're from, it's multiple questions. Would you like to have to go through that whole charade every time you open your mouth?

Judging by the voting though, presumably there are a lot of people out there who feel entitled to demand whatever information they want from others. How depressing.

My mum does this. "Ooh, you're far from home!" She lives in Lancashire. Even a touch of Liverpool in the accent can set her off.

Really. And she actually says things like, "Y'know Joan. The one from Birmingham."

Blimey mother.

YANBU OP, anything you are repeatedly asked about can be annoying.

Confusing the issue a bit though, is that lots of people do like being asked. My DP is South American, he loves both being asked himself and asking others this question. He likes the opportunity to talk about home and have fun (in his opinion) by making people guess where he is from. Tbh I'm a bit bored of the topic himself, and that's just from overhearing his conversations - so I can imagine how you feel OP.

It happens to me a lot too, and it’s been quite a journey to come to terms with it. To be honest, I’m still not entirely at peace with it and probably never will be, but I’m trying my best to just let it go and not dwell on it. After all, it’s only two minutes out of their day—why should I let it linger in my mind longer than the moment it occurs? Where I am, it’s not meant to be offensive, but when it happens all day, every day, while I’m just trying to go about my daily life like you described, it’s really tough. It’s even more challenging because, being born and raised in the UK, I was taught never to ask such questions, so being asked automatically gets my heckles up.
I’ve noticed that here, it’s mostly kids and older people who haven’t seen many white-skinned foreigners before who ask the rude and intrusive questions. Those between their teenage years and retirement age, however, tend to react more appropriately—they’re often more culturally aware or educated and recognize that such remarks are rude, or they simply just don’t care. It depends on where I am, but thankfully, my neighborhood has a more diverse and educated demographic, so it doesn’t happen around my home. I also work at a university, so it definitely doesn’t happen around work either. Still, I do occasionally hear “weiguoren” shouted at me as I walk around town, which translates to “foreigner”— how wonderfully welcoming of them to
Let me know I’ don’t belong here. 🙄

YANBU! It’s rude and people should learn some manners. What does it even mean?! I am like you. If I’m feeling in the mood to be nice I go through the rigmarole. If I’m not I firmly say ‘from ‘here’ (insert place where you are). Intelligent people leave it there. Stupid people persist with ‘but where are you really from’. I just repeat present location, or sometimes ask ‘what do you mean by really?’, or if I’m in a really bad mood and I don’t need the person to like me I say ‘earth’.

I get that people have an instinctive need to place each other, probably from tribal days. But in these globalised times people need to realise that where someone is ‘from’ can be complicated and very personal. And sometimes it hurts when people assume you’re not ‘from here’ just because you look a little different or have an accent. Unless the person is clearly a tourist or something. When I’m a tourist I don’t mind at all. But it’s not something anyone should expect people to offer up just like that. It’s often very disrespectful. People should learn to wait to ask that question until there’s a suitable context or reason to ask it. I totally understand OP, but only us barbarians get it.

I've just spent a month in Australia, I got asked a lot. Many Aussies have a connection to the UK so are interested to hear about where you live.
I also had several young Aussies who are going to work in the UK/travel Europe next year ask me for recommendations- especially as I'm from London originally.
I like it.
But then, I like a chat and Aussies are friendly, chatty people in a way we really aren't! (Well, not in London anyway)

I think it’s only seen as impolite in very cosmopolitan circles where people are aware of the experiences you describe. Otherwise it’s natural to be curious and people think they are being polite by taking an interest. It’s the same everywhere.

I’d have thought it’s only frowned upon when it’s asked of a dark-skinned local. The implication (intended or not) being that of course they aren’t English/ Irish, whatever, entirely based on their skin colour.
The effect is one of othering that person, and dances with racism. It can certainly appear that way, at least. Hence the proscription.

But enquiring the same thing of a person who looks just like the majority in that regard isn’t a similarly grave faux pas, surely.