To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I also get asked where I'm from but it doesn't happen all that often and I like it as it shows the other person has a curiosity and is interested in me. There's nothing worse than people without an interest in others.
I also often ask people where they are from and it makes my adult son absolutely cringe. But I never had the feeling they minded. Perhaps they do and are just being polite. It often happens in chain cafes, which employ a range of nationalities. I should think a bit of conversation makes baristas feel a bit more valued?

I think I can come across as quite blunt and intimidating at times (tho clearly fairly trustworthy as I always get asked for directions, which I am awful at even tho I do want to help!) so it helps shorten those conversations 😂 if you come across as too friendly then that's an issue lol

I mentioned earlier that I have a very abusive and traumatic family background. When people ask a friendly “Are you seeing your family over Christmas?”, how do you think might make me feel?
And do you think that means people should never enquire about other people’s Christmas plans or just that it’s very unfortunate that the question makes me feel uncomfortable and is all part of navigating life?

Indeed.

I remember attending a work conference in Scotland with a colleague who is from a South Asian background and was born in Birmingham. She was asked by another delegate " where you from?" and when she replied "Birmingham" the follow up was "no, where are you really from?". Absolutely appalling. I still remember how upset my colleague was as a result.

No, and are you being selective with arguments on purpose or do you just struggle with logic?

Noone here suggested that the question 'where are you from' should be banned. It is about reading signals and not being rude and intrusive. There is also a time and place to ask.

What people are talking about here is more along the lines if someone asked you 'are you seeing your family for xmas', then you try and deflect by giving a one word answer like 'No'. Or. you even start another topic - yet this person persists - 'But why not? Do you get along well?'
Or if wherever you go someone asks you (even in July) - hey btw did you see your family last xmas? Or When was the last time you saw your family? Or How come you never mention your family? Etc...

I hope you understand the difference, but somehow I doubt it.

It's just chat and small talk. I worked and livd abroad for ages folk constantly asked where I was from it was the norm.

'Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo'

Just wear headphones and avoid eye contact if you don't want any social interaction

Tbh I don't get asked by randomers in random places as not a part of any conversation, so maybe that's why I have no issue with it

Actually I think I've learnt something from this thread, I will just ask the question back- if they love discussing geography so much they can talk to me all about the Black Country or Liverpool or whatever.

Do that!

Just because they find it boring to be polite and talk about some insignificant topic.

It IS an insignificant topic to most people - just because YOU don't find it so the world should not revolve around your particular quirks. Unless you'd like to print out topics you personally find acceptable and wear it like a sandwich board don't expect anyone else to put too much agony into about which of the infinite conversation topics may or may not offend you, specifically.

@Idono "It IS an insignificant topic to most people - just because YOU don't find it so the world should not revolve around your particular quirks. Unless you'd like to print out topics you personally find acceptable and wear it like a sandwich board don't expect anyone else to put too much agony into about which of the infinite conversation topics may or may not offend you, specifically."

Pretty much none of the immigrants I've talked to, and I know a lot, think lightly of moving to another country, but I've learned a valuable lesson on this thread- some people just utterly lack empathy.

I will keep it in mind next time a nosy stranger bothers me. Love it how so many people on this thread are repeatedly told a thing they don't like to hear FROM PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENCE IT, then dig their heels in and tell them to 'get over it'...!

Or even better “stay home”.

It's just a step away from 'go back to your country' 🙄

Wow.
I'm a northerner... I lived in London for 5 years.
Every time I opened my mouth I got questioned on where I was from, why I was there...weren't there any jobs up north?
Stop being so precious... human nature is curious.

I answer “No. I’m not really in contact with them” and the conversation moves along. I don’t make threads on Mumsnet complaining about it and then being incredibly aggressive and rude to people who are POLITELY disagreeing by telling them how you feel insulted by a POLITE question.

Some of these responses on here are wild.

“Where are you from?” - horrifically bad mannered and offensive

“You’re stupid, ignorant, lazy, boring” - perfectly reasonable discourse

Actually, on extremely rare occasions (no more than twice in total over the past 25 years) I did sense this kind of vibe. As I mentioned above, I don’t ask the question anymore. The mums at school know, as do friends, their spouses and acquaintances. Lots of people stop me when I’m out walking our beautiful dog and the moment I say something like, “Yes, he’s friendly, and yes, it’s fine to pet him,” it’s very obvious that I’m not local 🙂 But perhaps because the dog acts as an ice-breaker, there’s no need for the usual “where are you from?” questions. Not entirely sure.

I get it, OP. I think you could brush questions off a bit, I'm from XX but been living here XX years, so long I feel English and going "home" feels like I'm visiting.

Repeat as needed.

I'm an immigrant. It's a non problem.

Either accept that people will ask you this question or similar, or accept that no one speaks to you. You can't decide for others what they talk about. Not everyone caters to everything you like all the time.

Same. I accept that I am not local so it’s a fair enough ordinary chat question. Being able to choose the country you live in is a very privileged position, so it’s pretty snotty to resent local people who can’t necessarily choose their country, because international moves take money, or other non local people who are - erm - like you, privileged to have chosen where to live and work. Be less snotty.

Are people who had to flee from war torn countries also privileged in your opinion because they clearly had a privilege to 'chose a country to live in'.
You cant be really thinkimg that your personal experience is the same as everyone else's (including how certain questions affect them)?
I guess if it's fine for you it must be fine for everyone?
Talk about self-centred and snotty lol.

You cant be really thinkimg that your personal experience is the same as everyone else's (including how certain questions affect them)?

YOU clearly are assuming everyone has the same experience as you

I guess if it's fine for you it must be fine for everyone?

I guess you believe if you're upset by something everyone else must walk on eggshells around you even though they have no way of knowing what you're triggered by this month. How is that different?

Fucking hell. Are you for real?

Was that necessary? Can't you have a discussion without needing to use this type of pathetic language?

Your post is a good illustration that while most people will ask questions about accents and "home countries" with a positive mindset, the odd ignorant xenophobe will still crop up now and then.

If it annoys you so much, OP, I think you just have to perfect a standard response like "I'm from (Insert Name of Country... make one up if you like). Where are you from?" and then, if they persist, "Sorry, I've had this conversation too many times - you'll have to Google it."

Are people who had to flee from war torn countries also privileged in your opinion because they clearly had a privilege to 'chose a country to live in'.

Well, compared to people who didn't manage to flee or could only manage to make it to neighbouring country's refugee camp.... One could say yes... As terrible as it may sound...

There it is.