Not to have known his true age before sleeping together?

[Lockingthegins]

He’s bloody 18! Not 19 until April

Casual conversation and flirting lead to hotel room and sex.

Really mortified to discover he is actually 18. No, he didn’t actually tell me. I assumed he was about 21. I am 28.

I feel so, so awful. Really panicked when I found out the morning after. He doesn’t seem bothered and thinks it’s all fine. Grinning like a Cheshire ca

Good lord, I haven’t scarred him for life, have I? Please someone assure me I’m not sick in the head

I would be furious if I was his mum!

What a mad and totally untrue generalisation!

Don't sweat it @Lockingthegins!

Yes loads.

I used to go to over 18 clubs all of the time when I was under 18 and go home with men who assumed I was over 18.
I could have easily turned around and reported them.

This!

can’t believe people saying it’s ok!

OP I know you didn’t know but come on - he must have looked really young

Don't feel remorse. He obviously looks 3 or 4 years older. You will be a happy memory for him for ever!

Well if he goes round bragging to his friends it shows how immature is he doesn't it?
How do you know he doesn't regret having a meaningless sexial encounter with an older woman. How do you know he will be " grinning from to ear" ?

This perception that young guys are fair game for older women is just gross.

The situation OP describes being so desperate for sex she drags a young guy into a hotel room is really quite a horrible scenario.

Not necessarily. My dd is 17 and there are occasionally some 18/19 year old lads, who look a lot older. One, who pursued her looks to be well into his 20s. Dd sent me a photo of him and I showed it to my friends and they agreed. In the end I checked with her friend that she wasn’t being catfished only to be told, definitely just a year older than dd.

Under age surely?

I'm another one in the "it's totally fine" camp. And as for pp who says she knows loads of men in prison for having sex with girls they didn't realise we're under 16 - what a load of bollocks 😂

In what way do you think this adult man has been ‘taken advantage of’ by an adult woman he found attractive enough to have sex with?

When was 18, I would have jumped at the chance of a night of sex in a hotel room with an attractive man. I wouldn’t have given a hoot that he was 28. I had two relationships with men around that age when I was in my late teens.

The age of consent in this country is 16 not 18 - what would you have reported then for?

Well hello, Mary Whitehouse 🙄

Assuming no back story and you were two consenting adults who met, were attracted to each other and had sex, then stop being so hard on yourself.

Your so wrong it's funny. My eldest is 17 and some of his mates could easily be mistaken for much older - beards, well muscled.

This happened to me once when I was 21 a boy told me he was 22 (easily could have passed for 25 at least) turns out it was his 18th birthday a few weeks after I’d had sex with him. I felt sick in the head too! But I realised it wasn’t my fault as I’d been lied to, your situation is pretty similar as he didn’t tell you his age at all then found it funny when you found it, it’s like he was purposely trying to hide it from you.

He’s an adult so no you’re not weird, but maybe just ask next time people looks so much older than they are these days

All the pp on this thread drooling over the tthought of sex with a young guy is offensive. In the same way guys drooling over teen porn is.

Oh don’t OP. You haven’t harmed him in any way. You genuinely didn’t know his age. You haven’t done anything shameful, maybe just a bit embarrassing if you run into him again. As you were in a hotel, with luck it’s not in your home town!

He'll be fine

But he will tell all his mates asap

I think you’ll have to ask some aging questions in future, or to see their LinkedIn.

Just forget about it, you’ve done nothing actually wrong.

A lot of boys / young men talk to their mates about their sexual exploits. They just do. The ones, who prey on girls / young women will tell their mates how they got her into bed, what they said, what they did. I am not suggesting that’s the case with this 18 year old lad. However, the reality is that this happens.

Edit - I realise reading back, this makes me sound horrible about young men. I’m really not trying to be. And as mum to a teen girl, there are some lovely lads out there. And the ones, who act like this usually grow out of it. It’s evolutionary, not personal.

Because I was under 16 but they assumed I was over 18 and so wouldn’t question it.

If it was an over 16 club then they may have questioned it more.

So my advice to anyone who thinks someone is late teens/early 20s is to always check as the onus is on the older person to prove that they didn’t know they were under the age of consent and why they didn’t check.

17 or even 16 is still legal in UK... Ick but still legal!

The age of consent is 16. You should know this.

what kind of men are you hanging around with that so many of your associates are in jail for underage sex?

But you said that they had all gone to prison, so were they reported or not?

If 3 years (18 vs 21, which you thought he might be) makes that much of a difference to you, you should ask. Neither of you has done anything wrong here, though.