Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to have known his true age before sleeping together?

487 replies

Lockingthegins · 20/12/2025 22:03

He’s bloody 18! Not 19 until April

Casual conversation and flirting lead to hotel room and sex.

Really mortified to discover he is actually 18. No, he didn’t actually tell me. I assumed he was about 21. I am 28.

I feel so, so awful. Really panicked when I found out the morning after. He doesn’t seem bothered and thinks it’s all fine. Grinning like a Cheshire ca

Good lord, I haven’t scarred him for life, have I? Please someone assure me I’m not sick in the head

I would be furious if I was his mum!

OP posts:
SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:07

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:56

What? All the 18 year olds I know had cars except one

Yep, same.

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:03

You finish school at 16 in the UK. College is not school, they are certainly not school children.

They're certainly not adults!

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 16:56

What? All the 18 year olds I know had cars except one

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:12

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

At 18 yes they are, by law. My youngest has been working full time since he was 16, my eldest went to college but was working (self employed) earning a full time wage alongside it. They most definitely weren't schoolboys. Stop infantilising 18 yos. If you treat them like children they'll behave like them.

Being adults doesnt mean they know all there is to know and are buying their own houses etc of course but they are an adult at 18 whether you want to admit that or not. Legally can do as they please.

SexyFrenchDepression · 21/12/2025 17:15

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

Pretty much all my DS1s friends had cars from passing their test at 17/18. Just because its not your experience doesnt mean it isnt others. I quite believe there are people who dont have cars at 18 but doesnt mean my experience is the same.

ClearFruit · 21/12/2025 17:19

RollyPollyBatFace · 20/12/2025 22:21

Well as the mother of a 19 year old son, yeah, I’d be unimpressed with you that’s for sure

having said that, I’m not likely to know so meh

but next time - check? It’s only by luck he wasn’t 17. And are you really telling me you couldn’t tell he was 18?!

Out of interest, what does being 17 have to do with it? Why is it 'luck' that he wasn't 17? The AOC is 16.

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 17:30

As you said, he's delighted. This is nothing like a teacher having sex with a student. Two consenting adults . But you might not want to repeat now you know.

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 17:35

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

They are adults. They vote, leave home, join the army, get married and consent to sex.

SapphireSeptember · 21/12/2025 17:48

BurntBroccoli · 20/12/2025 22:53

Exactly! People are saying there is an ‘Ick’ factor when it’s the other way.

I had this, I've fancied men younger than me (I was 30, they were early/mid 20s) and a few people said it was weird! Why?

elevenpiperspiping · 21/12/2025 18:02

@SpaceRaccoon yep I have a son that age hence why I think it’s grim. I can’t imagine finding any of my sons friends attractive, they are boys not men.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 18:05

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:08

They're certainly not adults!

Legally they are adults just because you dont agree ,you can't make up your own laws.

Thechaseison71 · 21/12/2025 18:29

Zov · 21/12/2025 17:09

Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄

Do you live in a city? Maybe if there's plenty of public transport it's not such a thing.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2025 18:33

elevenpiperspiping · 21/12/2025 18:02

@SpaceRaccoon yep I have a son that age hence why I think it’s grim. I can’t imagine finding any of my sons friends attractive, they are boys not men.

but presumably you're not late 20s. The lad looked early 20s. that's not as big a gap as between you and your sons mates who you know as children.

DurinsBane · 21/12/2025 19:14

OneWorthyTiger · 21/12/2025 11:35

Illegal and acceptable are two different things.

You'll find millions of abusers and exoloiters use the not Illegal defence.

Edited

I agree

DurinsBane · 21/12/2025 19:15

Chiseltip · 21/12/2025 11:40

If the guy were just a year younger it would be a very different story. A lot of man have ended up in prison because the girl looked older and lied about her age.

Are you in one of the US states when the age of consent is 18? In the UK it is 16, so 2 years younger she still would have been fine legally (maybe not morally) and wouldn’t have ended up in prison

DallasMinor · 21/12/2025 19:46

I slept with a sixth former when I was in my late 20s. Didn’t find out til he added me and my friend on FB. Almost 20 years on and my friend still laughs about it.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 20:20

elevenpiperspiping · 21/12/2025 18:02

@SpaceRaccoon yep I have a son that age hence why I think it’s grim. I can’t imagine finding any of my sons friends attractive, they are boys not men.

Me too but im 52 not 28
My 18 / 19 on boxing day son could pass for a someone 25+

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 21:43

Zov · Today 17:09
Nope. Not in the real world. Most 18 year olds do not have their own car ... 🙄
Well the world I'm in is pretty real. We are talking about 6 years ago so not the 1950s or anything.

My eldest son (DS1) began an apprenticeship at age 16, but he needed a driver’s license to perform his job properly. The day after he passed his driving test, he was already behind the wheel of the company vans.

Son 2 worked on remote farms with no access to public transport, having his own car was essential. He wasn't alone in this; many of his peers also owned cars before they turned 20."

Oh come on! The situation your son was in at 18 is not likely to be that way for the vast majority of 18 year olds. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenagers I have ever known who have their own CAR. I can count on one hand the number of young people in boths sons social group that didnt pass their test before the age of 20! Most young people can't even get a bloody driving test for half a year these days! And if they fail, they have to wait another half a year for another test! And the vast majority of people I know (under 40 especially) certainly didn't leave school at 16. (As you say your older son did.)
*Ds leaving school wasn't my choice and we argued a lot about it at the time but I couldn't force him to go to college. I didnt want him to leave education but he got an apprenticeship and excelled much to my suprise and progressed quickly. They have since paid for his degree so he did what was right for him.

And your other son was house sharing with people as a teenager, and also working and completely independent, and paying his own way?!
Absolutely, he lived in a unit on a farm with a few other lads, a couple of miles from us so not far and we saw him everyday.
Again not what I expected for him but he absolutely loves what he does. I worried about him because he was working ridiculously long hours , had plenty of money in his pocket and not a lot of tome to spend it. He has also moved on and doing well.

They are definiely the exception to the rule, and it's farcical to suggest that most teenagers will be in the same position. You're deluded if you think that!

I agree many young men aren't in the same position as my two. My two have taken different career paths and are independent but they are not particularly unusual in our community. Most of their friends are the same position, by taking apprenticeships instead of uni.

We live in a cheap part of the country, people are able to get on the property market easier and early than in other places.

Unless your sons were born in the 1950s, (or earlier in the 20th century!) I find their situations extremely rare. Not in our area. Of course some of their mates went off to uni, some became fathers, a couple lost their way a bit but you are deluded if you think by the age of 18 men cant be responsible and do well for themselves.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/12/2025 21:55

Zov · 21/12/2025 16:39

Oh come on! The situation your son was in at 18 is not likely to be that way for the vast majority of 18 year olds. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenagers I have ever known who have their own CAR. Most young people can't even get a bloody driving test for half a year these days! And if they fail, they have to wait another half a year for another test! And the vast majority of people I know (under 40 especially) certainly didn't leave school at 16. (As you say your older son did.)

And your other son was house sharing with people as a teenager, and also working and completely independent, and paying his own way?!

They are definitely the exception to the rule, and it's farcical to suggest that most teenagers will be in the same position. You're deluded if you think that!

Unless your sons were born in the 1950s, (or earlier in the 20th century!) I find their situations extremely rare.

Not that rare if you live in the sticks.

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 22:08

Zov · Today 16:39
Oh come on! The situation your son was in at 18 is not likely to be that way for the vast majority of 18 year olds. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of teenagers I have ever known who have their own CAR. Most young people can't even get a bloody driving test for half a year these days! And if they fail, they have to wait another half a year for another test! And the vast majority of people I know (under 40 especially) certainly didn't leave school at 16. (As you say your older son did.)
And your other son was house sharing with people as a teenager, and also working and completely independent, and paying his own way?!
They are definitely the exception to the rule, and it's farcical to suggest that most teenagers will be in the same position. You're deluded if you think that!
Unless your sons were born in the 1950s, (or earlier in the 20th century!) I find their situations extremely rare.

Not that rare if you live in the sticks

Sometimes people cant see outside their expierences and are incredulous and unbelieving when things are different or not within their 'normal' range.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 21/12/2025 22:09

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 15:57

18 is schoolboy age.

But we’ve been through this - he’s in the 18- turning 19 school year group so not a school boy age, but a uni student age. He might not be at uni, he might have left school at 16. But he’s the age group of someone who’s first year at university.

So uni student aged young man.

Zov · 21/12/2025 22:15

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 17:35

They are adults. They vote, leave home, join the army, get married and consent to sex.

You cannot get married at 16, in England and Wales. The legal age for getting married is 18... At least try to get your facts straight.

16 year olds are NOT adults. I don't care if they can 'join the army...' 🙄So what? They can do very little else.

They can't drink booze, they can't hire a car, they can't drive, they can't buy alcohol, tobacco, vapes, fireworks, knives, lottery tickets, glue or spray paint until they're 18. They're still at bloody school til they're 18 going on 19...

That's why I maintain that it's a load of tripe that lots of 18 year olds OWN their own car. How the hell is an 18 year old buying their own car, when they're still in sixth form? 😂

And yes it is still rare for people aged 18 to own their own car, even if they live in the sticks. I live 'in the sticks' and hardly any 18 year olds can drive, and they certainly don't own their own bloody car!

This thread has reached farcical levels now, with people posting outlandish stuff in a desperate attempt to be 'right.'

I'll leave ya to it. CBA anymore.

I'm out...

.

GrandTheftWalrus · 21/12/2025 22:18

Can vote and get married at 16 in Scotland.

PollyBell · 21/12/2025 22:19

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 21/12/2025 22:09

But we’ve been through this - he’s in the 18- turning 19 school year group so not a school boy age, but a uni student age. He might not be at uni, he might have left school at 16. But he’s the age group of someone who’s first year at university.

So uni student aged young man.

so it depends on how you look at it, a 18year old man is considered mature enough to be a uni student or whatever 18yo men are meant to be or do a 18 year woman is considered groomed and has no power to consent to sleeping with an older person, so going by this logic over the years on MN men are smarter and can use their own mind more than women?

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 22:46

*That's why I maintain that it's a load of tripe that lots of 18 year olds OWN their own car. How the hell is an 18 year old buying their own car, when they're still in sixth form? 😂
As ive said many young people take on apprenticeships when they leave school. They are usually qualified by the time they are 18.

In our case both lads had completely different apprenticeships and we bought their cars, paid for lessons and insurance ( i swear the insurance nearly financially ruined us!)
And yes it is still rare for people aged 18 to own their own car, even if they live in the sticks. I live 'in the sticks' and hardly any 18 year olds can drive, and they certainly don't own their own bloody car!
This thread has reached farcical levels now, with people posting outlandish stuff in a desperate attempt to be 'right.'

*I'll leave ya to it. CBA anymore.

Its not about being 'right' just showing a different perspective.
Work with young people and some of the lads at 18 are right divvies who I wouldnt trust to make me a round of toast and jam. The spectrum of young men from being mature and responsible with the first part of their adult lives sussed to those that are as daft as a brush is massive. I dont see why that us so hard to understand.