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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
Scoffingbiscuits · 20/12/2025 11:28

If you have some spare money to spend I can think of a few thousand charities who can make good use of it. I'm not sure why she thinks her wanting a holiday should come top of that list.

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2025 11:28

Tell her you think her phone has been hacked, scammers have used AI to replicate her voice and ask for money, you're sure it's a scam as she would never do something so unbelievably cheeky, would she?

thisoneiscalledbluebellsinpastels · 20/12/2025 11:29

Surely this is a wind up? you are actually considering supporting her "for months" whilst she swans about on holiday?

If this is a genuine post, this person is a conniving parasite and not remotely a "friend".

It doesnt matter if you've known her 22 years or 2 months, she is a literal piece of shit for targeting a widow and expecting you to bank roll her. Block her and tell her to go fuck herself.

CautiousLurker2 · 20/12/2025 11:30

Not sure how the voting goes, but you would be VU to give her a penny. You are, sadly, a single person now and you have to protect your financial future. It’s what your late DH would have wanted, not to give it away to some wastrel who ‘doesn’t like her job’ and fancies going travelling.

I know it’s hard saying no, but there is a difference between a friend (who wouldn’t ask this of you) and a person you have simply known a long time. Has taken me a long time to work that out. Friendship isn’t measured in years, in measured in the quality of the relationship and the level of demands they make on you.

rhubarbhandsoap · 20/12/2025 11:30

Please don’t do this. You’re being taken advantage of and manipulated, which is especially cruel when you’re going through a vulnerable time. Protect yourself, your future feelings and your sanity. No good will come of giving this person money. Sending love 💐

Loloblue · 20/12/2025 11:30

Sorry for your loss. Your friend is a grown arse woman who should not expect anyone else to fund her lifestyle. Gross of her to ask.

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 11:31

Wow how rude of them. Absolutely say no. Can’t believe the nerve of some people.

AwfullyGood · 20/12/2025 11:31

She's not an friend - she's a grabby, horrible, insensitive CF.

I wouldn't even respond. If she texts again, respond as follows:

"I didn't respond to your initial request as I was giving you the benefit of the doubt as I didn't think that a friend of 22 years could be so insensitive, entitled and disrespectful. Go leech elsewhere".

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 20/12/2025 11:31

Delete the message and block her.
She isn't af friend anymore..
Sorry for your loss op.

Lairymary · 20/12/2025 11:33

Yikes, that's CFery right there, and sounds like she's been playing the long game trying to butter you up. Just imagine, she could have been looking for different jobs while she was moaning about it. And she wants to "support" her, so you're not loaning the money either! No, no, no.

UninitendedShark · 20/12/2025 11:33

No.

Charlenedickens · 20/12/2025 11:33

I’m so sorry and that’s shocking, she is no friend of yours. Please don’t let her take you for a mug, just say I’m sorry that’s not going to be possible, the money is earmarked,

im utterly shocked anyone would be so grabby and ask for this.

Picklelily99 · 20/12/2025 11:34

Your 'friend' is for another day. Not this day. Today is all about you and your husband. To reflect on the love you shared, your life together, happy times, silly times, wonderful memories of a life shared. Maybe watch some favourite films, make a favourite meal of his. Take the day and just wallow in your love for him.
I am really sorry for your loss.

DPotter · 20/12/2025 11:34

Sorry for your loss Flowers
It doesn't even sound as if she's after a loan, but an outright gift of money which is waaaaay beyond anything a real, true friend would ask.

Take a breath and reply "No. And NEVER ask me for anything EVER again." And don't worry about replying by text - she didn't even have the balls to ask you in person

TreesinthePark · 20/12/2025 11:35

She is not a friend and I honestly think you need to cut contact. She poses a serious risk if you became ill or more vulnerable in some way.

Branleuse · 20/12/2025 11:36

I'd reply " is this a joke? Obviously I'm not doing that."

I'd also stop listening to her voice notes. They are lazy and annoying anyway.

CJFJ1 · 20/12/2025 11:36

I agree with many of the posts above: do not offer the money.

I was in a similar situation with a sibling and can say from bitter experience (more fool me that I gave said sibling "loans" that were never repaid) is that all it will lead to is resentment and anger. My relationship with said sibling has never recovered.

I'm sorry to hear that Christmas is a tough time owing to the loss of your DH. Look after yourself.

Charlenedickens · 20/12/2025 11:37

Op she’s been thinking uou came into money since he passed and building up to this, as she wants it. It is utterly heinous. You need to say no immediately and put a stop to this and you need to end this friendship with immediate effect.

Original poster
winterhaze · 20/12/2025 11:38

Hi everyone. Thanks for your replies. Wading through them now. She did just message me about 30 mins ago acknowledging my DH's passing. But I've not had the energy to think/respond to her request as I'm feeling wiped out. It's a no, to be clear. But it's more just the shock of it - rather than the request itself. I respect that she's been there for me over the years, so it took me by surprise. Agreed with the PPs who said that 3 years is no time at all.

OP posts:
LowkeyLoco · 20/12/2025 11:39

Your friends sound like vultures OP, please say no.

tlofmlwcharlie · 20/12/2025 11:39

Just write a message saying,
"No, I'm not in a position to give any financial support."

I'd be ignoring the rambling voice notes too. They are so fucking annoying at the best of times.

She is not your friend. She is a leech.

Cakeandcardio · 20/12/2025 11:40

It does not matter if you have had. 'Windfall' since your husband died. It is no one else's business. Money cannot replace loved ones and any money you do have is to support YOU in the rest of your life. Your friend is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. You will be taken aback but, firstly, be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Then think about how to proceed. If you want to continue the friendship then simply 'sorry but I do not have the spare funds for that'. If you want to call her out then you would be well within your rights by asking what on Earth she is thinking and why does she imagine you should support her? You could also go further to state that she is preying on someone in a vulnerable position and she is nothing more than a vulture.
Be kind to yourself today, OP. You don't need to reply today. I hope you have some time carved out for yourself to do something that will bring you some peace and joy today.

Shinyandnew1 · 20/12/2025 11:40

She's not even asking for a loan, she just wants you to fund her not working whilst she fucks around instead?!

Why on earth would she think you would want to work full time to pay for her to not have to?

godmum56 · 20/12/2025 11:41

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

I have been where you are, lost my husband in 2011, and am so sorry for your loss but my goodness you have some humdingers of friends don't you? Are you sure she was ever a friend or just someone you have known for a long time? Anyway OP, protect yourself from such unpleasant CFery.

MyDeftDuck · 20/12/2025 11:42

You should say no! It isn’t your responsibility to allow the friend who doesn’t like her present living circumstances to pack it all in and go travelling! She clearly sees you as a cash point to fund her whims whilst you still work to pay your bills. Tell her clearly that you aren’t prepared to help her financially.