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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
mummybearSW19 · 20/12/2025 11:04

Say no.

it’s a one word answer. You don’t need to explain.
just say no.

no sorry. No explanation. Just no.
unless you can afford to lose the money (which doesn’t sound like you can).

she sounds insensitive. You don’t need this stress.

sometimes relationships fizzle out. Perhaps this one will. Or perhaps she will grow up and stop burdening you in this insensitive manner.

NotReadyForChristmas2025 · 20/12/2025 11:04

No no and no. Rude to even ask.

Blueskiesnotgrey · 20/12/2025 11:04

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss and really hope you are ok. This is the only voice note anyone should be leaving you at this time of year. My sibling died this time last year, so I have some inkling of how you are feeling. It seems to bring the narcissists out. Most people I know were lovely, sending cards and gifts to the bereaved children involved and supportive words to me, but I had one acquaintance pressing me for a playdate with the kids on the actual first anniversary, which I thought was incredibly insensitive. Some people are just self absorbed and I'm afraid your friend falls into that camp.

I think you should leave her a voice note saying you aren't in a position to help and even if you were, this wouldn't be a priority on the anniversary of your husband's death, though I'm not sure such people are capable of shame. Hugs x

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 20/12/2025 11:04

And she calls herself a 'friend'? And wants to sponge off a widow?

Hell no. 'A few months' would turn into years. 'Well, you can obviously afford it because you've done it for the last 4/6/12 months!'

Why should her life improve so dramatically with someone else funding it? She wants to take off, she pays for it herself. We'd all like someone to pay us for faffing about and finding our inner selves and all that, but we don't have the sheer brass balls to ask a friend to do it...

Wholelottawoman · 20/12/2025 11:04

She doesn’t sound like a good friend by putting you in this awkward situation, she sounds selfish in general & it would be a no from me. I’m very sorry for your loss x

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/12/2025 11:05

My goodness, she is very cheeky. Wouldn't we all.like to not work and go travelling. She needs to save up for a few years if that's what she wants to do. I had 4 months off to travel in 2008 ... £20k it cost back then.

"Sorry, but I've no spare money to enable me to do this. I'd suggest you save up if thats what you want t to do."

Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2025 11:05

BennyHenny · 20/12/2025 10:43

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’d be shutting your friend down unequivocally “I’m not in a position to support anyone one but myself following DH’s passing exactly three years ago today”.

I also support this message, OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that your 'friend' is being so selfish and uncaring.

MNLurker1345 · 20/12/2025 11:05

This is so sad! OP, you say that her moaning about her life while you were grieving the sad loss of your husband felt insensitive. Well she has now risen to new heights of insensitivity, totally lacking in empathy and thinks you should help her financially to make her life better!

All she can see is £ signs! She looks at you, and I am sure you make better financial decisions than she does, and thinks there is some spare for her. She would have no intention of paying you back.

Despite your loss, her twisted mind most probably sees you as lucky.

And as for the other one that asked you to invest her business.

Some people are just takers!

PollyBell · 20/12/2025 11:06

Are you willing to burn the money instead? Yes then continue, no? Then say that and move on

Don't join others who like loving with drama

PinkHairbrushClub · 20/12/2025 11:06

No I would not do this, and the request is not one of a friend. My assumption of a friend in your situation is that life would be harder, not easier.

The most I would do is offer to support in helping a friend set up a budget. But I would absolutely not commit to financial support. That way a whole mess of potential issues lies.

Remember, it’s ok to say “no, I can’t do that” or “that doesn’t work for me”. You don’t have to justify anything.

Isayitasitis · 20/12/2025 11:06

Do not do it. This will end badly.

Upthenorth · 20/12/2025 11:06

Is your friend supporting you with the anniversary?

I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like.

Unless you’re willing to just give the money away and have more requests I would say no.

To be honest I would say no and likely cut them out anyway. She’s not in dire straits she just wants to not work.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 20/12/2025 11:07

Don't use the word sorry, or I'm afraid in your reply.
Don't explain why you don't want to give either of them money
"I'm not in a position to give you money" and repeat as often as it takes for the message to get through. Or tell them once then block.
Cheeky individuals

cantbearsed27 · 20/12/2025 11:07

That would be a hard no.

'I'm sorry I'm not in a position to be able to do that. I'm really struggling myself today as it is the anniversary of DH's passing.'

If she has the gall to mention money again after that message then you know she is a friend that you are definitely better off without.

Swash89 · 20/12/2025 11:08

Wow! Both are awful! Just say no!

hby9628 · 20/12/2025 11:09

Absolutely not! She sounds random and “a few months” is vague. You will end up in a tricky situation. If she wants to quit her job & go travelling she can fund this another way.

Aligirlbear · 20/12/2025 11:09

So sorry for your loss and at this time of year you will be feeling vulnerable and sad - not a time to make any rash decisions. Lending money to friends and family seldom ends well. The answer is sorry but I never lend money to friends or family and step back this isn’t a real friendship.

LadyKedleston · 20/12/2025 11:09

Support her financially? So pay all her bills and expenses?

No.

Bigminnie1 · 20/12/2025 11:11

I am sorry for you loss but Jesus Christ, she’s no friend. She’s got a fucking cheek and tell her absolutely not.

Elsvieta · 20/12/2025 11:11

"Afraid I'm not in a position to financially support anyone else, no".

Alternatively: Mate, I think your phone's been hacked. You'll never believe what some chancer sent me...

CalculatingCrispen · 20/12/2025 11:11

BennyHenny · 20/12/2025 10:43

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’d be shutting your friend down unequivocally “I’m not in a position to support anyone one but myself following DH’s passing exactly three years ago today”.

This is perfect. Succinct and lets her know how totally inappropriate her request is

She really is NO friend @winterhaze

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 20/12/2025 11:12

So sorry - today must be a hard day for you. As for your friend, just tell her that you can't afford to support her financially, but in any case, you don't think it would be advisable to let money get in the way of a long friendship, and it undoubtedly will. And, wish her well in sorting out her situation.

liamharha · 20/12/2025 11:13

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

You say fuck off op 🙄. Seriously how cheeky to ask and put you in that position .
If she was struggling to make her rent or eat them I'd certainly be open to helping a friend but this is pure cheeky fuckery .

BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 11:14

Outrageous thing to ask of someone. And in a fucking voice note. Like who on this planet would agree to do that for anyone?!

I'd just stop replying to her tbh. She's clearly not all there if she's requesting this. Why can't she go on benefits like a normal person?

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 11:14

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Her request for you to pay her bills and support her financially while she goes off to travel and have a good time or whatever she wants is nuts.

Say no and make it clear you won't be giving her any money now or in the future and that her request is really overstepping the boundaries of your friendship. Whatever your husband left is for you to care for yourself for the rest of your life since he isn't here to do that. He wouldn't want to be supporting freeloaders.

Unfortunately, this isn't all that unusual when you're widowed. People think you've gotten life insurance paid and an estate left and they try to take advantage. There are vultures that prey on the vulnerable and your "friend" seems to be one of those. Instead of working extra and saving money for her travel or other plans, you should foot the bill because you must have some money. And that she's doing it around the anniversary of his death when you're more vulnerable is deliberate. She's been priming you for this request with all her complaints and now she's showed you who she really is.

Back off from this person. She's not really a friend at all.