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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 21/12/2025 20:15

My (late) bf of 47 years would never have put me in such an awkward position, nor I her. Don't get me wrong, we helped each other out of the shit but what your friend is asking CF territory.
On mn NO is a complete sentence apparently....

Abab11 · 21/12/2025 20:24

Do not help financially! It’s very vague but even if it wasn’t, many people hate their jobs, but they don’t expect their friend to fund their lifestyle for a few months! No matter the length of the friendship it is not appropriate for you to fund her just because she wants to give up her job. I think your friendship dynamics will change if you lend her money!

Bernardo1 · 21/12/2025 20:47

No, no, no!

She's just taking advantage of you whilst you still are vulnerable.

The last thing you should do, is subsidise her so she can 'Travel'.

You surely realise you'll never be repaid?

tommyhoundmum · 21/12/2025 21:05

Just say "no". She wants you to fund her so she can leave work and travel.

What cloud are people like this on? She needs to buckle down and work and save for her plans like everyone else. The length of friendship is not relevant here.

Atsocta · 21/12/2025 21:18

Cheeky mare !! Say No your unable to help, Not the sort of friend you need tbh

JohnTheRevelator · 21/12/2025 21:21

She's a CF.

Zerosleep · 21/12/2025 21:36

I never give money to family or friends, from past experience, it has inevitably always caused problems so is best avoided.

It sounds like you may need some time out from this friend. It’s no time since you lost your DH and this must be such a hard time of year for you. Maybe take some time out from listening to their moaning and invest in some positive stuff for yourself?

Retiredfromearlyyears · 21/12/2025 21:38

That has to be a definite NO! The quickest way to lose a freind is to lend them money. Don't do it. You are on your own now. You need every penny to ensure your own comfort.

Dawnb19 · 21/12/2025 21:55

I sorry about your husband OP.
I can't believe your friend actually asked for money. It wasn't even a loan she asked for. I bet she water you to find her life for a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back from her travels with a son story of having no money and wanting a loan or even somewhere to stay for a while. You don't need people like that. I wonder if she and your other friends have been talking about how much money they believe you have.

Doubledenim305 · 21/12/2025 21:58

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 21/12/2025 20:15

My (late) bf of 47 years would never have put me in such an awkward position, nor I her. Don't get me wrong, we helped each other out of the shit but what your friend is asking CF territory.
On mn NO is a complete sentence apparently....

Yes and a CF is a CF.

Happyhettie · 21/12/2025 22:17

You’ve had excellent advice and I have nothing to add however, I’m just posting to say I’m so sorry for your loss. 3 years is no time at all

Granddama · 21/12/2025 22:54

NO! Tell her that your finding it tough to meet all the bills now you don't have two incomes. Keep a doorbell sound by the phone. It's handy for cutting short conversations on the phone, as you have to go and answer it!!!!😋

Laurmolonlabe · 21/12/2025 23:01

Just say you are not in a position to support her financially, end of conversation.
Should you have spare money you should give it to a charity you support- not a friend who fancies being supported as if she were a teenager by a friend in a position not much better than her own, even if you have known her for years.
Could you imagine yourself asking her for support if your roles were reversed?

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2025 23:38

Wow. Cheeky git

sorry for your loss. Also a widow tho years ago

I couldn’t imagine my good friends asking me to support them while they galavant round the world

even more so with savings theirselves !!

thinking of you. Christmas is always harder 💐💐

Endorewitch · 21/12/2025 23:39

I can't believe you are even asking. She is using the fact she has known you for 22years to manipulate you. She is a thoughtless ,selfish ,insensitive human being who isn't too bothered about you. A firm no is requested. And I would add that I couldn't believe she would ask such an unreasonable thing bizarre.

Bunny65 · 21/12/2025 23:47

She sounds awful, a moaning whinger constantly dumping on you who wants to take your money. You would be lucky to ever see any of it again.

anon666 · 21/12/2025 23:55

Sorry to hear of your sad loss. Sad to say these are not friends. They are parasites.

Some people will see kindness as a weakness, you need to have firm boundaries around this stuff.

If someone asked me this, in the wake of a loss like that, I'd probably never speak to them again tbh. Its preying on someone in a vulnerable position.

theodoretrout · 22/12/2025 00:15

Sorry for your loss. The fact your friend is cagey about the amount show she's going to be equally vague and non committal about repayments.

Her behaviour over the years fits the profile of certain type of manipulator who preys on well meaning and compassionate and empathic people like yourself. More red flags here than Tiananmen Square on the first of October.

If you lend anything, it will never end. You'd be enabling her behaviour.

Be firm. What I always advise people to tell the potential borrower is to say 'if you want a loan, to go a bank.' If they say 'Oh but the bank won't lend me...' Then you say 'So that hardly inspires confidence, does it?'

Original poster
winterhaze · 22/12/2025 01:01

theodoretrout · 22/12/2025 00:15

Sorry for your loss. The fact your friend is cagey about the amount show she's going to be equally vague and non committal about repayments.

Her behaviour over the years fits the profile of certain type of manipulator who preys on well meaning and compassionate and empathic people like yourself. More red flags here than Tiananmen Square on the first of October.

If you lend anything, it will never end. You'd be enabling her behaviour.

Be firm. What I always advise people to tell the potential borrower is to say 'if you want a loan, to go a bank.' If they say 'Oh but the bank won't lend me...' Then you say 'So that hardly inspires confidence, does it?'

My guess is that because she had savings herself (something she didn't disclose until early this morning - after asking the day before) makes me think, she wants me to play a guessing game of 'how much do you think I'd need to live for a few months' rather than outright saying a number. It keeps it all vague.

For example. If she wanted £5k but someone offered £8k, she wouldn't exactly baulk at that. It leaves the onus/pressure on the other person that way.

Anyway, the bottom line is I didn't even acknowledge her initial text because she since said she would fund it herself. My fear is she is going to run out of money in the coming months, so I'm not saying anything at all. That way, she can't say: 'But you were considering it a few months ago....!'

Bear in mind, this is a person who lives in London in her parents' second flat paying minimal rent. This isn't someone who is hard up at all.

I'm just sad and angry at the same time. Looking forward to a peaceful end to the year after a period of unrelenting grief.

Thank you to everyone who listened/helped/advised.

OP posts:
daleylama · 22/12/2025 01:42

winterhaze · 22/12/2025 01:01

My guess is that because she had savings herself (something she didn't disclose until early this morning - after asking the day before) makes me think, she wants me to play a guessing game of 'how much do you think I'd need to live for a few months' rather than outright saying a number. It keeps it all vague.

For example. If she wanted £5k but someone offered £8k, she wouldn't exactly baulk at that. It leaves the onus/pressure on the other person that way.

Anyway, the bottom line is I didn't even acknowledge her initial text because she since said she would fund it herself. My fear is she is going to run out of money in the coming months, so I'm not saying anything at all. That way, she can't say: 'But you were considering it a few months ago....!'

Bear in mind, this is a person who lives in London in her parents' second flat paying minimal rent. This isn't someone who is hard up at all.

I'm just sad and angry at the same time. Looking forward to a peaceful end to the year after a period of unrelenting grief.

Thank you to everyone who listened/helped/advised.

Show quote history

Stay strong! We have had this with close relatives and a couple of friends over the years. I cannot begin to comprehend it. A An aunt and cousin who wanted me to finance their startup , a friend who forgot her wallet multiple times when on days out ( until we got to the pub when it miraculously was discovered), another who wanted to build a unit in our garden to live in cost free. It's just mind boggling.

Justchilling07 · 22/12/2025 02:45

PInkyStarfish · 20/12/2025 10:45

She is despicable and trying to manipulate you into giving her money because she thinks you’re a ‘rich widow’!

She may well have been a good friend over the years but she now thinks you’re a cash cow who she can tap for money.

She is a low life and her despicable behaviour does not deserve your kind friendship.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that it’s extremely disrespectful and distasteful to ask you for money and to never mention it again.

Wow, say what you think @PInkyStarfish
manipulative, disrespectful, despicable, lowlife!!!
Gosh there’s no need to get nasty about it, they’ve been friends for over 20 years, sounds like from what op has said, this friend has never asked for a loan before.
personally, l have loaned friends money in the past, and it’s has been fully paid back, in good time, the minimum l’ve loaned is a £1,000 which l’ve been able and happy to do so.
I do understand this is a difficult time of year for you @winterhaze it’s sounds like you feel uncomfortable with this, then just say no, it really doesn’t have to be that deep, where it affects your friendship over this.

GooseberryGreen · 22/12/2025 03:26

I hope you do manage to have a happy Christmas with friends and/or family. I think your friend was very unfair to ask and it must have been a shock after so many years. I would find it hard to forgive the request especially when she had savings herself. Do you think that because her parents subsidise her life she has come to feel entitled to be supported? I mean I'd like to swan off travelling myself sometimes but I am rather stuck with the daily grind of earning a living and keeping a household going and I certainly wouldn't ask old friends to contribute to that. I mean perhaps you could consider a few trips yourself rather than subsidising your friend?

Franjipanl8r · 22/12/2025 03:37

She doesn’t sound like a good friend. She sounds like an entitled user.

ElevensesKing · 22/12/2025 04:40

As soon as she flies out, block her on everything so can't contact you for the inevitable 'I've run out of money' calls. Better still, change your number so she can't call you from an unknown number.

If she asks again, mention a 15% interest rate and repayment plan drawn up by your solicitor. Hopefully that should put her off asking again if you formalise it and add 25% penalty charges for late repayments.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/12/2025 05:19

ElevensesKing · 22/12/2025 04:40

As soon as she flies out, block her on everything so can't contact you for the inevitable 'I've run out of money' calls. Better still, change your number so she can't call you from an unknown number.

If she asks again, mention a 15% interest rate and repayment plan drawn up by your solicitor. Hopefully that should put her off asking again if you formalise it and add 25% penalty charges for late repayments.

Changing a number that op has prob had for years if anything like me - is a little extreme

friend just seems so cheeky she has savings

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