Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
PodMom · 20/12/2025 18:33

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/12/2025 18:18

"Hi Janet,
I'm shocked and appalled you think this an appropriate thing to ask a friend.
The fact you didnt have the decency to acknowledge my husbands death before asking me for a blank cheque didnt escape my attention either.
Please dont contact me again"

Nailed it.

OldPosterNewName2025 · 20/12/2025 18:34

Absolutely not. We have lent money to friends in the past for emergencies and even then it has left a bad taste when they prioritised buying non essentials for their houses before repaying us.
To fund someone’s sabbatical is an absolute piss take and greedy and entitled.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 20/12/2025 18:41

Absolutely not. This ‘friend’ feels opportunistic at best and predatory at worst.

Kisshygge · 20/12/2025 18:46

A friend would never ask that of you! Absolutely say no.

Grendel7 · 20/12/2025 19:12

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

That is NOT a friend. Its a sponger. Say no.

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 21/12/2025 09:06

Just wow. I think she’s just won 🏆 for her CF. Timing all of this eith the anniversary of your DH’s death does seem insensitive at best, and that’s being kind.

I would perhaps respond, if you want to by wishing her well on her travels and leave it at that. It’s totally up to you but at least that way you’re leaving the friendship without acrimony from your side.

I was thinking about you last night actually. One of the DN has a small celebration each year on the Winter Solstice to welcome in the light. Have you thought of doing something similar? Maybe just light a candle and have a nice meal?

Junenights · 21/12/2025 09:07

So sorry about your husband. I can't imagine how difficult it must be.

She had savings yet expected you, a widow, to subsidise her. Unbelievable

Just big thumbs up 👍 in response to her message and don't give her another thought. You owe her nothing because she's no friend.

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:08

To clarify to some previous posters, no I have NEVER talked about money to any friend. Not even to family members, believe it or not - largely because something similar happened to my father when his mother (my grandmother) died.

I do not live an 'out there' life. I do not 'broadcast' my life. I am not on social media. Don't use FB or Instagram etc... My friends would call me a very private person. I think the only rationale would be that I have a secure job myself - and my DH was CEO of a company that was acquired - so a Google search may have answered any theories/question.

That's why when someone (who I was never close to) asked for an investment into an interior design company she wanted to start, I immediately said no. I assumed she'd thought I'd come into a ton of money. This friend, however, I thought was different as we were close and friends for over 2 decades.

OP posts:
DahlsChickenz · 21/12/2025 09:08

I'm so sorry OP. This must be such a hard time for you anyway and to have a supposed-friend behave that way is just shocking. Thinking of you x

Chattanoogachoo · 21/12/2025 09:15

Her insensitivity is shocking and she's really not a friend. If you were to fund her travels it's obviously not going to resolve her issues and you'd be starting a lifetime of financial dependency.
Shake her off or call her bluff and say you're thinking of travelling yourself when in the correct mindset.

ThisQuirkyHare · 21/12/2025 09:31

@winterhaze

I'm so sorry for your loss and can really feel how hard yesterday was for you. Today is winter solstice and we now start to move away from the dark and towards the light. Everyday gets a little bit lighter and I hope it's the same for you.

You've made the right decision to distance yourself. Your friend has clearly been viewing you as a back up plan and that is not fair.

It's possible she will have a panic later down the line and come back for help once reality kicks in. Just be very careful she doesn't see you as a Plan B.

Glittertwins · 21/12/2025 09:46

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

People who aren’t even willing to spend their own money on what they want are even worse.

willowthecat · 21/12/2025 10:06

I'm sorry you've had an unwelcome shock about the friendship. I have known people like that - who ask for favours, accept being paid for at meals because they've mentioned they are struggling etc only to find out later that they have plenty of money, it's just that it's earmarked for them and their projects.

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 10:12

willowthecat · 21/12/2025 10:06

I'm sorry you've had an unwelcome shock about the friendship. I have known people like that - who ask for favours, accept being paid for at meals because they've mentioned they are struggling etc only to find out later that they have plenty of money, it's just that it's earmarked for them and their projects.

@willowthecat It’s so strange though, isn’t it? Why do they do this? Just because they can? I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing!!

OP posts:
Winterwonderwhy · 21/12/2025 10:17

Please drop this friend op. A friend who isn’t supporting YOU through this difficult time and being so utterly selfish is not a friend. It doesnt matter if it’s 22 years

comeondover · 21/12/2025 10:19

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

That's outrageous, OP. Really sorry to hear this.

Overthebow · 21/12/2025 10:20

winterhaze · 21/12/2025 09:00

Apologies for the slow response and update. Yesterday was a bad day for me with swirling thoughts of my DH.

I got a text from her about an hour ago saying: "I'm just going to quit anyway and use my savings to travel. I'm so unhappy with everything at work."

So essentially, she had savings all along - and just didn't want to spend her own money...

To be honest, I haven't given her much thought since I was overwhelmed with grief and feeling generally wiped out, but it's safe to say that the friendship is forever changed/over.

That’s even worse. So she wanted you to use your savings to support her because she didn’t want to use her own? What is wrong with some people?

TeaRoseTallulah · 21/12/2025 10:22

BennyHenny · 20/12/2025 10:43

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’d be shutting your friend down unequivocally “I’m not in a position to support anyone one but myself following DH’s passing exactly three years ago today”.

I would be replying with something like this, no explanation and no discussion.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP x

AngelicKaty · 21/12/2025 10:52

I'm so sorry OP. The request was brazen enough in the first place, but for it to land on the anniversary of your DH's death was particularly crass and cruel. Well, you now know what you're dealing with and can withdraw from this "friendship" - she's shown you who she is. Take care of yourself. 💐

TFImBackIn · 21/12/2025 13:08

I'd write: "So you have the money but thought you'd ask me for the money my husband left me, instead?"

Then I'd block her. Awful woman.

cestlavielife · 21/12/2025 16:33

Just ignore her

NoKidsSendDogs · 21/12/2025 17:07

Say NO. I can't imagine any of my friends asking me something so ridiculous.

Blablibladirladada · 21/12/2025 17:49

No, I am sorry, I am not able to.

August1980 · 21/12/2025 17:54

Send us get details and we will say no to her on your behalf.
please don’t do this OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread