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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 20/12/2025 17:18

@winterhaze Sorry, but your friend has well and truly strayed in to CF territory IMO and it would be a hard "No" from me. Her request is far too flaky for my liking - she doesn't say how much she wants, for how long, let alone how she's intending to pay you back (in fact, judging by the wording of her voice note I'm not sure this is a loan and she has no intention of repaying you!).
Years ago, when my mum had three DC under 5, her best friend asked her for a loan (equivalent to a month's mortgage), saying she was desperate and promising to repay mum within two weeks. Mum never saw her again - this was her best friend! Fortunately, my grand-mother could cover the mortgage payment that month, but it taught my mum a hard lesson: "Never a borrower or lender be".
Honestly OP, if it were me I'd be replying in such a way that makes it clear that she's a CF for even asking i.e. "No, of course I won't financially support you for a few months. Why would I do that? I need my money." End of.

thatsalad · 20/12/2025 17:22

The cheek of it 😂

CandyCaneKisses · 20/12/2025 17:23

No need to be polite or give excuses, just a flat out no. Cheeky fucker!!

CandyCaneKisses · 20/12/2025 17:25

Now that I think about it I wouldn’t even respond.

Picklelily99 · 20/12/2025 17:27

Do these people not think if you did have all this 'spare' cash, YOU'D have jacked your job in and be halfway 'round the world by now?

MrsMillyFluff · 20/12/2025 17:29

I'm so very sorry for your loss 💐These people are preying on you, I think you need new friends who will support you and not take the piss. I know you're probably feeling quite vulnerable at the moment but please remain firm in not allowing them to use you. 🌹

Maraudingmarauders · 20/12/2025 17:37

I would send something like “I’m sorry if I’ve ever given the impression that kind of scenario was on the cards, because it isn’t and hasn’t ever been. I’d appreciate it if it wasn’t mentioned again because I’d hate for money to get in the way of a 22yr friendship.”

Sorry for your loss OP, be kind to yourself and maintain those boundaries.

Ohnobackagain · 20/12/2025 17:41

i agree with @EmeraldRoulette and @Namechange234567 said. No friend would try to get you to do this; it would be a hard no from me @winterhaze

ScribblingPixie · 20/12/2025 17:42

"No, I'm afraid I'm not in a position to do that, even if I wanted to" covers all bases for me. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, and mostly for your loss. I agree that three years is no time at all.

Silverbirchleaf · 20/12/2025 17:47

Only read op’s post, but the answer would be to refuse her offer.

Glennponder · 20/12/2025 17:53

"No"
Then block and delete.

Marylou2 · 20/12/2025 17:56

The answer is a firm no. Her request is completely unreasonable. The money you have is for your future, not so she can quit her job.

Toooldtocare25 · 20/12/2025 17:57

I’m just going to say it .. FUCK NO
unbelievable selfish twats if they want to go travelling pay for themselves.
Really sorry for your loss and your bell end friends !

Lavenderflower · 20/12/2025 18:03

I think you need to reevaluated the friend - even if you had the funds, most people wouldn't ask for it.

PrettyPickle · 20/12/2025 18:05

Hi, condolences to you and I know imagine Xmas is hard for you.

Your friend is insensitive and entitled.

I would respond and say that sadly you don't have that sort of money available to support her in that way but wish her well. Keep it short and sweet.

Lotsofsnacks · 20/12/2025 18:05

To be honest she sounds quite selfish and all about herself, and her problems. None of my friends are like this; we help each other if needed, of course, but it’s never always just one way. Say no OP, why an earth would u fund her? Tell her to ask her family

Blizzardofleaves · 20/12/2025 18:06

Absolutely no way! It’s truly disgusting they are preying on you in this way. I think this would be the end of the friendship for me.

seriousandloyal · 20/12/2025 18:07

Dreadful behaviour from your friend. Stand firm OP, just say no.

Sassylovesbooks · 20/12/2025 18:13

No. Never ever lend money. It doesn't matter if you've known this woman 2 years, 22 years or 52 years, the answer should always be the same - No. I suspect she thinks because your husband died, you've ended up with a nice tidy little sum of money - and she's more than happy to help you spend it. Her personal circumstances aren't your issue, if she's unhappy with her job and life in general, it's her responsibility to make changes to help her situation. It's not your job to bank roll her, whilst she travels. Quite honestly she's got a bloody cheek in asking you, and I'd be questioning the friendship.

Lastfroginthebox · 20/12/2025 18:18

Say no. She's being a CF to ask and she also sounds selfish and insensitive.

VividPinkDog · 20/12/2025 18:18

She has the barefaced audacity to ask you to fund her lifestyle cos she's pissed off! Erm, we're all pissed off love, but decent people, wouldn't be a cheeky fucker, and ask a friend, for money!! It's mortifying!
She clearly doesnt respect you, and is using your "friendship" to her own advantage. You will never see your money again. I have been there.
Im so sorry for your loss. Please do not lose your money too my darling x

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 20/12/2025 18:18

"Hi Janet,
I'm shocked and appalled you think this an appropriate thing to ask a friend.
The fact you didnt have the decency to acknowledge my husbands death before asking me for a blank cheque didnt escape my attention either.
Please dont contact me again"

KeepAwayFromChildren · 20/12/2025 18:22

rookiemere · 20/12/2025 10:52

This is a good response. What an entitled person, I wouldn’t want her as a friend anymore.

This. What a CF.

She needs to save up to go travelling just like normal people.

CoralOP · 20/12/2025 18:29

Literally the only person you can ask this of is your spouse or possibly parents if you are very young.
There is no other situation where it is acceptable to ask another adult to financially support you, that's crazy!

whistlesandbells · 20/12/2025 18:30

Fucking voice notes… “people who monologue too lazy to type”.. it’s the voice notes … delete

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