Page 2 | Sulking dh because he had to miss out

Original poster

sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 11:06

In response to the single parent comments if I was a SP I was that ill I would have had to call SS to arrange temporary foster care as it wasn’t just a case of pushing through. My fever was so high I was hallucinating, my throat was so sore but I was also vomiting and uncontrolled shivering / shaking . I couldn’t have even safely made a bottle and I couldn’t move !

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/12/2025 11:07

And I don't think it's on for people to tell the OP that she could have looked after the kids despite being bed bound, because 'single parents do it'. The OP isn't single so doesn't have to struggle on alone making herself worse, just because some other people have no support.

B1anche · 20/12/2025 11:07

liamharha · 20/12/2025 10:59

How do you think single parents cope ? Genuine question.
Plus if op wants to be fully recovered in time for work on Monday it's not a bad idea to try and get back into the swing of doing normal things .
Obviously this is all dependant on the level of care the children need ,if they are happy.rp.watch a film.or.do some activities with just op supervising them I don't think it's a big deal .
If they toddlers or sem.children who need high level supervision in order to be kept safe then his and should stay home .

Show quote history

That is a pointless argument because OP isn't a single parent. She feels that she is too unwell to look after three very young children. If her husband walked out the door and left her for a couple of hours, she could probably cope, but why should she? Why should she suffer just because others (like you) who are less fortunate than her have no choice? She will be better soon and her husband will have plenty of time to go to the gym. I guarantee, if he was ill, he wouldnt want to be left looking after the kids.

Fends · 20/12/2025 11:08

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:05

This is why women are their own worst enemies- the minute she feels ever so
slightly better than “not dead” she’s expected to resume childcare of 3 kids despite the fact that her DH only wants to go to the gym! He’s not got open heart surgery…

If she said she’s not up to it that’s all he needs to hear- unless there is a huge backstory. All this huffing and puffing is ridiculous.

If you try to get back to normal too soon, guaranteed you’ll get ill again. And with Christmas next week AND work that’s not sensible.

She can’t sit with her own kids for an hour, she’s not going to be fit for work on Monday.

It’s probably the fact that she’s saying she will be fine for work whilst scrolling MN that’s making him think she’s taking the piss.

Cupboarddoorknob · 20/12/2025 11:10

Yanbu OP, he’s acting like a child. Tell him.

Fends · 20/12/2025 11:10

sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 11:06

In response to the single parent comments if I was a SP I was that ill I would have had to call SS to arrange temporary foster care as it wasn’t just a case of pushing through. My fever was so high I was hallucinating, my throat was so sore but I was also vomiting and uncontrolled shivering / shaking . I couldn’t have even safely made a bottle and I couldn’t move !

Weird that literally nobody just “arranges temporary foster care” for 3 kids isn’t it? Mate, he’d have been back by now, it really wasn’t worth it

Soonflower · 20/12/2025 11:18

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 10:57

I’m a single parent and I just don’t understand the “no, you can’t go to your once a year Christmas party because I can’t look after the kids.” How do you think single parents manage?

Yeah, you’re not a single parent and you don’t have to manage alone but you could manage a few hours so he didn’t miss a once a year event. I’ve managed through a lot worse than that.

But op is not a single parent, so she shouldnt have to ‘cope’.

Wish44 · 20/12/2025 11:21

Fends · 20/12/2025 11:10

Weird that literally nobody just “arranges temporary foster care” for 3 kids isn’t it? Mate, he’d have been back by now, it really wasn’t worth it

Show quote history

How do you know what happens?

I am a single parent and am terrified of being really ill like the op and wonder what I would do and have thought I would have to call social services.

i remember the very sad story of the mother and child being found dead and it was because the mother was poorly and couldn’t look after the child and was clearly too unwell to call for help.

Severe illness that completely incapacitates you do exist.

TheEverlastingPorridge · 20/12/2025 11:21

So you think SS has the facility to arrange temp foster care when SPs are really poorly? Or that none of us have ever been as ill as you?

"temporary foster care" 😂

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 20/12/2025 11:22

sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 10:27

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

We’re getting to the point that there are multiple threads every day now about women being sick with this killer flu and their husbands being complete arseholes. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have posted, OP - we all need support sometimes. I just wanted to share two of the previous ones with you in case the advice helps.
From yesterday: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5462347-partner-is-being-so-nasty-and-im-ill?reply=149291037
From day before: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5461923-dh-being-awful-when-im-not-well

Page 2 | Partner is being so nasty and I’m ill | Mumsnet

Hi, first time posting here so please be gentle. I have been in hospital since Tuesday as I got flu and I have severe asthma which was exacerbated due...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5462347-partner-is-being-so-nasty-and-im-ill?reply=149291037

Icouldwriteabookonmydisastrouslife · 20/12/2025 11:24

Some of the posts on here are just heartless . No wonder there’s no sympathy in the real world if you can’t get any on a forum for Mums !!!
Shes not a single parent so why should she act like one ! I’m sure it’s jealousy why single Mums expect everyone to live like them …
if it was the other way round most men milk the sympathy for weeks …

Get well soon op 💐 ignore the people who seem to have no compassion .

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:24

Fends · 20/12/2025 11:08

She can’t sit with her own kids for an hour, she’s not going to be fit for work on Monday.

It’s probably the fact that she’s saying she will be fine for work whilst scrolling MN that’s making him think she’s taking the piss.

Show quote history

Have you seen that she’s got 3 kids, including a 1 year old and a 7 yr old with SEN? I think the chances of them being put in front of a TV for a couple of hours and sitting quietly are very slim.

Plus you may be right that the OP might not be better for work on Monday, who knows, but that still doesn’t mean that the DH should be moody now just because she’s still feeling ill. He’s finished work now so has 6 days free minimum, I’m sure the OP hasn’t said he can’t go to the gym at any point, just not this morning when she’s still feeling awful.

ChristmasTreeTop · 20/12/2025 11:26

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 10:57

I’m a single parent and I just don’t understand the “no, you can’t go to your once a year Christmas party because I can’t look after the kids.” How do you think single parents manage?

Yeah, you’re not a single parent and you don’t have to manage alone but you could manage a few hours so he didn’t miss a once a year event. I’ve managed through a lot worse than that.

This is the pro of being married though. You don’t have to manage. You’re a team and you have another person you can depend on. For your team to be successful it means working together and often means compromise during hard times but that’s all part of team work.

tripleginandtonic · 20/12/2025 11:26

It's worse to miss out in things when you're fit and well. I think he should have gone to his works do at least.

BunnyLake · 20/12/2025 11:27

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 10:57

I’m a single parent and I just don’t understand the “no, you can’t go to your once a year Christmas party because I can’t look after the kids.” How do you think single parents manage?

Yeah, you’re not a single parent and you don’t have to manage alone but you could manage a few hours so he didn’t miss a once a year event. I’ve managed through a lot worse than that.

I was lucky that my mum lived close by so if I was really ill and couldn’t get out of bed she would come over, but not everyone has that.

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 11:28

Silly comments on here. I am a single parent and I don’t know what would have happened had my ex not been around (he worked overseas then) when I had acute pancreatitis and stupidly stayed at home for 5 days before going to hospital (and staying 10 days) because I simply could not have pushed through. I have in the past, but couldn’t leave my bed, and rarely had to as couldn’t drink water either.

The guy can miss the flipping gym. OP has a 1yr old, they take proper care.

shuddacuddadidnt · 20/12/2025 11:28

333FionaG · 20/12/2025 10:35

Let the poor man go to the gym, it'll only be for a short time. As your health is improving, are you sure you can't manage without him for an hour or so?

How do you know how long he will be at the gym? I usually spend two hours plus, then add in shower, travel time etc and it could easily be three hours.

Wish44 · 20/12/2025 11:28

TheEverlastingPorridge · 20/12/2025 11:21

So you think SS has the facility to arrange temp foster care when SPs are really poorly? Or that none of us have ever been as ill as you?

"temporary foster care" 😂

I’m a social worker who works with adults. However when those adults become so unwell they can’t look after children the childrens. social services step in.

they normally place children with other family members . But they will not leave children with an incapacitated adult

Charlenedickens · 20/12/2025 11:29

god that’s awful, what did the paramedics say , that’s really extreme, hallucinating,vomiting, shaking etc, I assume he called an ambulance for you? as if fever is so high it disrupts brain function emergency medical care is required. How he can behave like this when he would have witnessed that I didn’t know. Unless he thinks you were exaggerating to make him miss his events?

ChristmasTreeTop · 20/12/2025 11:31

TheEverlastingPorridge · 20/12/2025 11:21

So you think SS has the facility to arrange temp foster care when SPs are really poorly? Or that none of us have ever been as ill as you?

"temporary foster care" 😂

Short term foster care is a real thing but often very traumatic for the child as they can and will be placed in a foster home. My siblings were placed in one over night until I was able to get to them. If I wasn’t they’d have been there for a week or so until my Mum was fit to have them again.

KellySeveride · 20/12/2025 11:31

All men are not shit heads when their partners are ill.

My DH has been a gem whilst I’ve been laid up this week with whatever winter virus it was that I caught. Made me food, bought me drinks and went on medication runs for me.

OP your partner is being a shit head. If I were you I’d tell him that.

sprigatito · 20/12/2025 11:32

Ugh, I see the pick-me brigade has arrived in force. Wash, waah, let the poor man go to the gym, why should he have to look after the children he fathered just because his support animal is malfunctioning. You can use two fingers to post on MN so you must be malingering.

He needs to grow up and pull his weight. He can go out and play when you’re recovered.

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:33

Also can no one see that there might genuinely be a case where people feel well enough to put a few messages on Mumsnet, but not well enough to be in sole charge of 3 kids, including a 1 yr old and a 7 yr old with SEN?

Honestly no wonder the NHS has such a terrible record on listening to women, seeing some of the attitudes on here.

Happyjoe · 20/12/2025 11:35

I sincerely hope that you never get really seriously or long term sick OP if he's like this after one week of the flu. He's being unreasonable, am pretty sure you'd not have wanted the flu either!

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:35

tripleginandtonic · 20/12/2025 11:26

It's worse to miss out in things when you're fit and well. I think he should have gone to his works do at least.

I’m sure he could have done if he’d arrange a babysitter.

I have lost count of the number of events/ holidays/ treats I’ve missed when my kids were ill and/ or my partner wasn’t able to look after them (for genuine reasons). It’s just a basic part of being a parent.