Sulking dh because he had to miss out

[sulkingalot]

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

Also why is it up to OP to phone family for help in this scenario? Her dh is on duty—if he wants to skyve off why doesn’t he try begging family members or friends for help as all the single parents here brag they would do?

I don’t have any family support my family live abroad and dh family are 4+ hours away. I wasn’t being insulting when I said if I was a SP I’d have had to get SS to help as that’s what I genuinely would have had to do. It’s a privilege to have family support as much as it is to not be a SP.

I also haven’t said to dh I will definitely be better on Monday for work just that my aim is to recover enough to be able to go to work as it’s important to go if I can .

Good luck with that (social services) 🙈🤣🤣🤣

Luckily for you op your not a single parent and your husband like he's done his bit (rightly so ) whilst you where really poorly but your not really poorly right now you said yourself your on the road to recovery and hoping to return to work in 48 hrs I don't think it's unreasonable for you to look after the children for a hour or so to give him a break even if you find it challenging its manageable a.d you can go back to bed once he's had a bit of time to recharge .

Christmas parties are neither important nor rare. They happen every year.

her husband is her family!!!! She is asking him.

i don’t think you understand how serious real flu is. As it has been pointed out it kills people. It makes you very ill.

Iam well aware what real flu is, I have had pneumonia twice in adult life, both times whilst my children were small.

Yes her husband is her family, iam pointing out about her ridiculous statement that if she were a single parent she would be phoning SS for help with her children. She wouldn’t be,

Sorry, you'd rather sign a section 20 than ask family to travel to help you if you were a single parent? I mean if you're estranged from them that's different, but you've given distance as the reason, not sour relations. Foster placements are very few and far between, you can't use them as emergency childcare when you're unwell, and it's ridiculous to think social services would entertain this. They would 1000% tell you that you had to ring any and all family members or friends to ask for help first.

But in terms of your actual question, your husband is being a bit of a dick. Being a parent means missing out on a lot more stuff because life is just a lot more unpredictable with kids. It's fair enough to be disappointed and a bit upset but he shouldn't be taking it out on you.

This isn’t a thing. Social Services cannot provide temporary foster care. A S20 is massively different, as you must know.

Theres a huge shortage of foster families and suitable placements. Sadly as you’ve got three children and one has additional needs, you’d be a tough match anyway. There’s basically zero chance they could find anything.

I sympathise that you don’t have any family support - I don’t either, not even four hours away - but you’d have had to push through or beg neighbours/friends, you’d probably not have even had a call back from the duty social worker yet.

I'm not sure why some posters are focusing on this.

OP said it in response to someone asking, "But what if you were a single parent??!?!" which is pointless because she is not.

The amount of effort would take to get social services to do anything as a single parent would be a whole lot more than just looking after the kids!

I am one of the ones charmingly being called a cunt and/or pick-me for suggesting that him having an hour in the gym is not unreasonable. Principally because I think if OP is serious about going back to work in 48 hours, doing an hour of parenting involving the TV should be well within her capacity. If she cannot do that, then she really is unlikely to be fit to work on Monday. I don't think that makes me a cunt or a pick-me. It makes me pragmatic and rational.

I also don't think it is fair to say he has been unsupportive when he has taken time off to look after their kids and her, and has skipped social functions (which I agree was right).

As OP is working next week, he will have all 3 kids, and is unlikely to be going to be in the gym while he is off work. I don't think it is unfair of him to want an hour to himself over the weekend to recharge before that.

Yes, I’m single Parent three kids and have managed through worse than this

People are focusing on it, because it’s fucking outrageous.

What was she supposed to say?

"In the imaginary world where I was a single parent, my children would have been horribly neglected because I was too unwell to look after them"

As I said. It's pointless.

Im not really sure what the issue is . I was asked ‘what would you do if you were a single parent?’ So I answered with what I would do and that’s now a problem and I’m being told actually I wouldn’t be able to do that. Did I answer wrong somehow ? I’m not really sure how it helps with the situation I’m in. Hopefully I just continue to feel better and do manage to get back to work Monday as it’s important to me that I don’t let others down as this year I was lucky to get Xmas day and Boxing Day off so I do want to get better to do mon/tue/wed. I was planning on today to really rest up and actually eat and rehydrate as I’ve lost half a stone in a week. Who knows tomorrow I may feel well and dh can do something for himself I just don’t know 100% yet exactly how ill be but fingers crossed feeling much better

Well before I became a single mother, I had the utmost respect for them for doing it alone. Not once did I it cross my mind a mum would ring social services to mind her kids because of a flu 😂

basic common sense doesn’t fit everyone. Mumsnet is visual proof of that.

I am one of those charmingly being called a cunt too but I literally couldn't give a toss 😂I totally agree with everything you have said.

Her DH HAS been supportive, taken the slack, taken time off work, missed his works do and taken care of the kids while she recovers. Everyone on here seems to be forgetting that he has willingly done that (as he should do) but is acting like he is scum of the earth for suggesting he takes an hour to himself this morning to go to the gym as she is seemingly feeling better.

I don't think his suggestion was unreasonable and I understand his frustration at not being able to go. Not condoning the sulking but I get why he is feeling a bit pissed off about it.

Seemingly she can 'allow' him to go tomorrow morning as surely if she is planning on going to work on Monday, she should be up to it in the morning.

This thread is fascinating.
People seem to be believing two things at once;
Mum is completely unreasonable expecting her husband to be the main carer of his own children for a week as it is too much for him.
and also;
Mum is completely unreasonable because single parents are the main carers of their children 24/7.
And then there is the group who refuse to believe emergency foster carers exist and sometimes support children who have no other support because their parents are ill.

Sympathy clearly doesn't fit everyone on MN either.

You don't need to explain why you are resting.

Look after yourself.

You're not a single parent so that isn't even applicable to your situation. You have a husband who should be picking up the extra weight when you're so physically ill. That's teamwork in a marriage.

Your problem is your partner is deeply selfish and he feels put out that you are so ill he has to parent his children instead of going to the gym and his work party. With a partner like this, you are there to make his life function easily, not to be the malfunctioning appliance. He's not supportive because he's a selfish shit. You aren't a team, you're on your own or he sulks like a toddler.

You haven't seen it to this extent because you haven't been this I'll that you can't take care of the kids but I bet there have been signs he's a selfish ass.

Well what do you expect people who are too unwell to care for their children and don't have willing family members to do?

Yes, but OP has a partner in this and shouldn't have to martyr herself if she doesn't have to.

I'm sorry you didn't have support, but it doesn't mean other people can or should just 'rally' magically if they have someone with equal parenting responsibility who can do it.

I'm so tired of people thinking women should just suck it up , even when they're bedbound ill, while men get a pass.