Sulking dh because he had to miss out

[sulkingalot]

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

Wish I could agree with this more than once

Typical replies here stating that you should have got in with it/ they cooked a roast dinner while having surgery. Nonsense.
You've been incredibly unwell, keep an eye out for signs of a chest infection and pneumonia. No, it isn't fun having to miss out on things but it's much, much worse being severely unwell. I hope you're feeling better soon, take it really easy and don't rush back into things 💐

I've heard it all now.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to look after the children for a hour or so to give him a break even if you find it challenging

WTF???? We're not allowed to be sick without putting the men first and giving them breaks 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Quite right! Also, if OP were in hospital DH would have no choice. I’d be interested to know what DH is like when he’s ill.

He's been parenting his own kids for Christ's sake, something that IP doubtless does day in day out without any acknowledgement or congratulations. Jesus, we really do set the bar very low indeed when it comes to men! The fact that he is sulking for simply doing what needs to be done is so unattractive. Were he the one who was ill he'd doubtless expect OP to be running around him like a blue-arsed fly without a thought. Time for us all to stop pandering to the overgrown man babies and to demand proper adulting from them at the very least!

Men. As you get older, you can observe the amount of men who get cared for until their final breath at home, as opposed to women. Most just don't seem to have the emotional capacity for illnesses that are inconvenient two days. In old age the wife will get out into a home without any thought-as the husband can't/doesn't want to cope. So OP, YANBU, but your DH is no different to the majority of men in the 21st century.

It is indeed really hard when you are the one who does everything, especially if you are the one who always does it, day-in-day out, without a word of complaint, because it's just what you do. Why is it then, that this is only noteworthy when it is done by a man, under duress, for a very limited period of time, and why in fuck's name should any woman have to put up with huffing and puffing because a man has to look after his own kids and the house for a few days when she is sick?

Exactly the point I was making! Routines vary, and we don't know how long it would take.

I try and be empathetic but I lean towards agreeing with you. My mum was unexpectedly by herself with 4 of us and managed, we are both in the armed forces and have to solo parent quite a lot (not saying it’s the same as being a single parent though). Sounds like he’s been completely supportive all week and needs an hour of downtime, even if it’s after bed time.

I also said if we don’t have it we muddle through.
we don’t ring up social services ffs.

You are making assumptions that the OP does everything normally and he does nothing and is only now being asked to do stuff because she is ill. For all you know, they share all the house and childcare responsibilities equally as well as both working full time.

I am simply saying that it is difficult being the only one doing everything. Whether that is the male or the female, in the relationship. In this instance it just happens its him that is having to do everything while she is ill. I would have the exact same opinion on this whole thing if the roles were reversed.

You are making so many assumptions here. Assuming the OP is the one who does everything day in day out and that he does nothing. Assuming that if he is ill then she runs around after him like a blue arsed fly and he expects her to and she never moans about it.

And why is he a man baby? He has been really supportive all week, taking everything on, taking days off work and missing stuff to support her recovery. All he has done is express his frustration at not being able to finally get to the gym this morning by sulking a bit. As I have said before, hardly the crime of the century is it?

Talk of "single parents just muddle through" is laughable, as if you can muddle through anything! As if all illnesses are identical!

If you let DH go to the gym and something happened to your kids because you were too weak to handle them, the same people would probably criticise you for that too.

OP - you're doing nothing wrong by the sound of it and I wouldn't appreciate his huffing and puffing either!

I'm not sure that missing a work party and going to the gym - and having to use a couple of days a leave to parent his own children - actually counts as "a tough week"! Isn't that normal life when you have both a job and a young family?

Honestly, I would be pretty fed up at having to miss so much and not even get an hour for the gym

I think my DH would humphf a bit as it’s a bit of a drug going to the gym lol - however sounds like real flu if you can’t get out of bed or hold the phone … get well soon and I’d avoid work next week … unless you’re 🎅🏼

I disagree. Surely normal life for couples is both of you working together, sharing the load and the responsibilities.

I think being the only parent for a week that is doing everything for all 3 kids, taking 2 days off work, missing the gym and a works do, does count as being a bit of a stinker of a week for him. Just like being laid up with flu is a shit week for her.

Why the need to downplay the fact that its actually tough to solo parent and its hard having to miss out on stuff you would normally do, or something that he might have been looking forward to?

Can't hold the phone except to write the not short op🤷

It looks like he has been doing all the parenting of his own kids. A little time away would be good for him, especially if he night get ill next.

Completely supportive? I mean—they are HIS FUCKING KIDS? Do women require handholding. Applause, snd a special hour off when they are called upon to hold down the fort for all of a week? He us supporting his own kids—not his wife. This id not a favor he id doung her but just the god damned job of parenting. Holy shit people have low expectations for men.

You need therapy. I hope you wouldn't give this advice to your daughter

I’m a single parent. My kids and I have been sick the last week. I missed my Christmas party, Christmas morning tea, a dinner with friends and haven’t been able to exercise.

It’s just life. Your DH is being a massive baby.

So you’d put your 1yo in danger when you’re too ill to take care of them, by just letting them free roam the house for days? Or would you plan to lock them in their crib? Maybe toss in a few nappies and hope they’re fine because you’re a single mum? Sometimes people can’t look after kids. Social services would be far better than the kids getting hurt or worse.

They are too young to be left unsupervised while you are so ill. Yes single parents cope somehow. But you're not single so he really should be stepping up without huffing away.

He can stay out of the gym for few more days until you recover. Routine has to be sacrificed occasionally. This is what you do when you're a family unit and someone needs a bit more support than usual.

It's awful seeing so many similar posts here lately where the male partners are so unsupportive when their wives or girlfriends are so ill.

Try not to go back to work if you're not fully recovered. You will just set yourself back.

The SS thing is a hypothetical. OP hasn’t been in hospital, no, but has been very very unwell. Fortunately for her she has a H who can look after her kids (although no other family nearby). Unfortunately for him, he’s had to miss some tho by a this week in order to single parent while she’s been out of action. She’s still not well enough to be sole adult in charge of tiny children, Including a 1yo, and a 7yo with additional needs, so their team is still man down and he cannot go to the gym today. that’s life! That’s parenting!

Why is this the OP being unreasonable while her H isn’t getting the equivalent criticism about ‘if he were a single parent he’d never get to go to a Christmas party or the gym ever’? maybe ponder why you feel that she should prioritise him going to the gym over her recovery?

Have a blessed day you too.

Setting up camp in the living room has never in my experience of children magically put a 1yo to bed. She couldn’t lift the 1yo. What terrible and irrelevant advice you give.