Sulking dh because he had to miss out

[sulkingalot]

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

They do ? Social services often have to accomodate children short term for all sorts of reasons? Under a section 20?

It’s a shame he had to miss his work party, could a family member not have helped out for an hour or two? As for the gym, he needs to just suck that up.

I am so shocked by this thread. The sexism!

firstly that the husband is even contemplating going to the football- it’s a social activity-

secondly that he is sulking like a child.

thirdly that people support him.

fourthly that there are some people who presumably have been lucky enough to have never been very ill, this is presumably why they can’t understand being too unwell to look after children .

and lastly that you can be very unwell without needing medical attention. It’s called flu! It kills the vulnerable. Yet a healthy person will be fine but very unwell when they have it .

op I hope you feel better soon and that your husband is ashamed of himself.

Where’s your medical degree from? Or is it a PhD in centering men with a subspecialism on they should never be required to look after their own children?

What is wrong with some of the people on here- tough he missed a works do as he was needed to look after his kids, no wonder some men are ruddy useless if this is how their mothers bring them up. Plus the what type of woman are you stuff.. its not a competition on who can look after kids when they are the sickest.
i had this illness last week, I've not been that ill in years and luckily I dont have small kids as I also wouldnt have managed.
by the way I had to see a GP due to complications, she was convinced it was covid rather than flu. Could have tested but there was no point, ill is ill.

And dropped rhe 1yo at a bus shelter and told them to stay there till he got back? The op sounded miserably ill and was very clear that she could. Not. Look. after, the. Dc. But here comes you and all your medical expertise and knowledge of her condition to say oh you should have sucked it up so he could… checks notes… go to a social do.
I would divorce most people on this thread. Our work Christmas do is a decent party, my colleague missed it as it fell on his wedding anniversary and he’s a decent man who loves his wife. Nobody he told thought that was unreasonable, because your wife is important?
op I hope you get better soon, I hope you can talk to him and I hope you never ever devalue yourself like some of the posters on this thread want to.

No, her getting better is best. It’s his child too, and right now he has to look after them.

People talking about single parents, when my kids were 5, 3 and a baby (10 months old) I caught Norovirus and could not physically leave the bathroom for about 10 hours. The baby was crawling around and my 5 year old had to attempt to stop her getting in to anything she shouldn't. It was, quite frankly, dangerous. If I had a partner I'd have fully expected them to take over all the parenting duties.

Yes. I don't know what it was, flu or COVID, fortunately myself and my husband are child free, but the reality was I couldn't even change a pillowcase. Simple as that. In the summer, I'm usually up on the roof fixing and cutting my grass with a scythe.

So no, OP could not manage.

Your gym routine might not be the same as others? He could shower at home? His gym might be very local? He might just do weights for 45 mins?

If the Op doesn't feel strong enough to pick up the 1 yr old safely then that's it, their DF needs to stay at home or take them out with him. Why is it fair to compromise the DC safety and their DM recovery just so he can have an hour to himself?

Sulking is deeply unattractive. I would completely ignore him and focus on feeling better until he has stopped being so pathetic.

You’re both being unreasonable.

Sulking is childish.
Prioritising resting up to be back at work over your basic home responsibilities is also back to front.

If you’re thinking work on Monday, then it’s entirely reasonable to manage an hour of film time in your own home on Saturday.

Those saying OP should think about how single parents would cope have abjectly missed the point.
Her husband, who is arsey about missing the gym and a social event, is the one who should be thinking about how single parents would cope, and getting the hell on with caring for his children and wife.
OP, try to ignore his sulks for now and focus on resting and recuperating. Once you’re better, you need to have a chat with him about his attitude problem. What would he do if you got a serious long term illness? Would he parent your kids? Support you physically and emotionally?

As others have pointed out, why on earth are people starting in with the "if you were a single parent" crap - she ISN'T a single parent, so she doesn't have to behave as one. And why aren't any of those "be a martyr mummy" posters questioning how the poor, beleaguered father would manage if HE was a single parent? How would he manage to go to his party and the gym then, and why can't he now do whatever he would have done in that situation instead of relying on the unwell mother? Usual double standard nonsense.

What absolute rubbish, delerium from a fever can be handled at home by bringing the fever down. What a nasty post from you, why do people on MN feel they have to pull others down all the time. This site used to be supportive of women now it has just become totally vile with snipy bitchy remarks. It is shameful.

The woman is ill, flu/covid can make you feel completely wiped out for weeks, she probably won't be able to work on Monday, she's asking her husband not to go to the gym. The gym, not a life saving job that he does, not a mercy mission overseas, The GYM.
Nothing will happen to him if he misses the gym, and he's a grown up - missing a Christmas party because your partner is really unwell? boo hoo, most decent people wouldn't even bat an eyelid

I am not the PP but I have had the flu and wondered about the age of the children too. I've only had the flu once and I collapsed trying to get from the bed to the toilet! So of course I can appreciate what it's like. If one of the kids is under 4 then I think OP is totally NBU.

She has had it all week though so likely not even contagious now. She is obviously feeling much better as she is able to post and respond on here.

I think being in the company of the kids now is more than likely going to be okay.

I’d be telling him that you are going to remember his attitude next time he’s sick, and he should think very carefully before asking you for soup or paracetamol.

Are there really adults out there who would call an ambulance for an adult with a fever? Rather than take the obvious steps to reduce the fever, prioritise rest and arrange for the other parent to do childcare? I despair of the lack of initiative; small wonder the NHS is on its knees!

I would ignore him. You need to conserve your energy. Observe how he acts for future reference.

That 1hr at the gym could very well turn into 3 hours.. he won't suffer if he misses the gym but you and your kids may if god forbid you had a relapse . I've had flu and even when you think you are starting to get better it can hit you with a round 2.

Fgs why should she, it’s life, these things happen, plans get changed. If he’s that desperate he can do a Joe wicks on you tube and get the kids involved. He’s a grown up and needs to stop being babied.

op stay in bed all weekend and I hope you feel better soon.

Just add, I’m a single parent, and the worst part of being a single parent is being unwell and the children having to fend for themselves, or you all laying on the sofa watching another movie. But I’d take that over someone who’s meant to love me sulking because I was unwell.

One of the reason I held off leaving my ex was the thought of getting seriously ill, but they o remembered how rubbish he was when I had been unwell in the past.

Yeah, I’ve crawled to the kitchen to make my kids toast. Or answer the door to take out.

Single parents also get extreme flu and other illnesses. We don’t hand our kids to SS.

Again, I know you’re not a single parent and you don’t need to manage alone which is great. You’re a team. But a Christmas night out is once a year so I’d have sucked it up and said he could go for the meal and a drink but not all night.

You're not being unreasonable at all - unless maybe because you are planning to return to work on Monday which seems a bit soon to me. Make sure you take all the time you need to properly recover.

As for your DH, he's being a twat. Some people on here have a very low bar for the behaviour expectations of their DH. Unfortunately, there are those who behave worse than your DH.

It's not a race to the bottom. He needs to step up and do what needs to be done. The huffing and puffing is childish. For now, ignore it. Use your energy on getting better. Later you can call him out on it and have a discussion.