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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sulking dh because he had to miss out

248 replies

sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 10:27

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 10:32

Have you asked him why he’s huffing and puffing?

As you say he could go to the gym plenty of times between now and Christmas if he’s off work. Or tell him he’s welcome to book and pay for a babysitter this evening with the money he’s saved from not going on his Christmas do and go then.

Honestly some men are like moody toddlers and it’s like they are only prepared to be nice if they are getting what they want 100% of the time.

How do things work when he or one of this kids are ill?

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:33

How old are the kids? Surely you could manage for an hour while he goes to the gym?

Icecreamisthebest · 20/12/2025 10:35

How embarrassing for him.

Is he actually looking after you properly? YANBU and you may find it hard to look at him the same way again now you know how selfish he can be

333FionaG · 20/12/2025 10:35

Let the poor man go to the gym, it'll only be for a short time. As your health is improving, are you sure you can't manage without him for an hour or so?

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2025 10:35

That’s just life with kids really, things get cancelled when the other parent is too unwell to care for the kids safely. If he was ill he’d expect your support.

Soonflower · 20/12/2025 10:36

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:33

How old are the kids? Surely you could manage for an hour while he goes to the gym?

She’s said she can’t. She’s not well enough. I don’t know why you think you’d know better.

B1anche · 20/12/2025 10:36

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:33

How old are the kids? Surely you could manage for an hour while he goes to the gym?

Says someone who has clearly never had flu.

Vaxtable · 20/12/2025 10:36

How old are the kids? Can they be put in front of the TV for a bit?

I normally don’t support sulking men but in this case he’s had a tough week by the sound if it and if he goes to the gym regularly then he won’t be getting his hit if whatever it’s called which will be making him feel down.

if you can now type a story on MN then I would suggest letting him go to the gym for an hour should not be difficult

AorticValve · 20/12/2025 10:37

How old are the kids?
Stick them in front of the TV for an hour while he goes to the gym.

No, he shouldn't sulk, but at the same time, I can understand him starting to wonder if you are swinging the lead a bit. If you can't manage your own children for an hour on Saturday, you are unlikely to be well enough to do a day of work on Monday.

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 10:37

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:33

How old are the kids? Surely you could manage for an hour while he goes to the gym?

Why should she though, when he’s finished work, she’s back in on Monday and she feels awful still?

If he wants to exercise he can take the kids out to the park/ in the pram for a day or two. Like thousands of women the world over do (you know, juggling their own needs with their family’s and coming to a good compromise).

Sunfloweranddaisy · 20/12/2025 10:37

How old are the kids?

bleakmidwintering · 20/12/2025 10:38

You’ll get no sympathy on Mumsnet op. Best put the phone down and concentrate on getting better as it sounds like your man child can’t cope.

pictoosh · 20/12/2025 10:42

Sounds like he's got cabin fever. How you deal with that is down to you. Some sort of compromise is probably best.

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:44

Soonflower · 20/12/2025 10:36

She’s said she can’t. She’s not well enough. I don’t know why you think you’d know better.

Show quote history

She didn’t say she can’t though. She said “my recovery is important”. I agree but lying in bed scrolling on the phone would have me fucking livid if DH couldn’t just have the kids in with him watching a film for an hour after a whole week of recuperation.

She said she couldn’t all week and that’s fair enough (yes I’ve had flu 🙄) so he took 2 days off, missed the gym all week, didn’t go on the works do. Sounds like he has been supportive since she’s been in bed all week.

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:47

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 10:37

Why should she though, when he’s finished work, she’s back in on Monday and she feels awful still?

If he wants to exercise he can take the kids out to the park/ in the pram for a day or two. Like thousands of women the world over do (you know, juggling their own needs with their family’s and coming to a good compromise).

Show quote history

In the pram? You don’t even know how old the kids are since she missed that vital detail 🤣

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 10:48

bleakmidwintering · 20/12/2025 10:38

You’ll get no sympathy on Mumsnet op. Best put the phone down and concentrate on getting better as it sounds like your man child can’t cope.

Wow, that is mean. He clearly HAS coped and taken the slack all week while she has been recovering in bed. He has missed his works do and various other things to look after the kids while she gets better.

Now she is a little better its not unreasonable for him to ask if she is now okay so he can get some time for himself to have an hour at the gym.

Depending on how old the kids are, she should now be able to have them in with her watching a movie while he goes out.

Relationships are about give and take and it sounds like he has been really supportive all week.

I would be pissed off too if I were him.

Countduckula52 · 20/12/2025 10:50

How old are the children?

More context needed.

DuchessDandelion · 20/12/2025 10:53

He's being a knob and you won't be fit for work this side of Christmas.

Anyahyacinth · 20/12/2025 10:55

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 10:48

Wow, that is mean. He clearly HAS coped and taken the slack all week while she has been recovering in bed. He has missed his works do and various other things to look after the kids while she gets better.

Now she is a little better its not unreasonable for him to ask if she is now okay so he can get some time for himself to have an hour at the gym.

Depending on how old the kids are, she should now be able to have them in with her watching a movie while he goes out.

Relationships are about give and take and it sounds like he has been really supportive all week.

I would be pissed off too if I were him.

Show quote history

Why would you encourage children to cuddle up with someone who has the flu? Population control 🙄🤦‍♀️

Original poster
sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 10:57

Dc are 7 , 4 and 1. 7 year old SEN so needs a bit extra in terms of supervision especially round the younger two and youngest is high needs / cries a lot.

Im so drained that although toady is the first day I’ve felt slightly better I’ve lost a lot of weight and feel weak I can’t even lift my youngest

OP posts:
Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 10:57

I’m a single parent and I just don’t understand the “no, you can’t go to your once a year Christmas party because I can’t look after the kids.” How do you think single parents manage?

Yeah, you’re not a single parent and you don’t have to manage alone but you could manage a few hours so he didn’t miss a once a year event. I’ve managed through a lot worse than that.

liamharha · 20/12/2025 10:59

B1anche · 20/12/2025 10:36

Says someone who has clearly never had flu.

Show quote history

How do you think single parents cope ? Genuine question.
Plus if op wants to be fully recovered in time for work on Monday it's not a bad idea to try and get back into the swing of doing normal things .
Obviously this is all dependant on the level of care the children need ,if they are happy.rp.watch a film.or.do some activities with just op supervising them I don't think it's a big deal .
If they toddlers or sem.children who need high level supervision in order to be kept safe then his and should stay home .

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:00

Fends · 20/12/2025 10:47

In the pram? You don’t even know how old the kids are since she missed that vital detail 🤣

Show quote history

That’s why I said to the park/ in the pram- the forward dash/ stroke replaces the word “or” meaning that I was saying he could take them out to the park OR in the pram 😆

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/12/2025 11:04

When you feel better I'd make sure you sit down with him and tell him how unsupported you felt, and give him practical examples of how he acted and point out that you've never done the same when you've had to pick up the slack because he is ill/ away / busy etc and see what he says

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 11:05

This is why women are their own worst enemies- the minute she feels ever so
slightly better than “not dead” she’s expected to resume childcare of 3 kids despite the fact that her DH only wants to go to the gym! He’s not got open heart surgery…

If she said she’s not up to it that’s all he needs to hear- unless there is a huge backstory. All this huffing and puffing is ridiculous.

If you try to get back to normal too soon, guaranteed you’ll get ill again. And with Christmas next week AND work that’s not sensible.